


Caught Between Worlds

by eris223



Series: Sometimes the Universe Gives You a Soulmate [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anya is awesome, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Clexa Endgame, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Lexa POV, Light Angst, Minor Character Death, Protective Lexa, Soulmates, indoor soccer, science fiction sorta, there's some fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-01 07:36:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 82,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14515530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eris223/pseuds/eris223
Summary: “Lexa's eyes shot open as she sat straight up in bed, gasping. That damn dream. Again. She grabbed the hem of her oversized shirt and pulled it up over her stomach. She ran her fingers over her abdomen, noting the smooth, unmarked skin. Lexa let out the breath she was holding and eased the tension in her shoulders. She was okay.”Lexa discovers that her dreams are in fact real, that alternate universes do exist, and she must do everything in her power to make sure that her soulmate isn’t caught up in this new dangerous world of hers.Will Lexa be able to keep Clarke from being entangled in the dark web of her past?Complete





	1. These Dreams

Lexa's eyes shot open as she sat straight up in bed, gasping. That damn dream. Again. She grabbed the hem of her oversized shirt and pulled it up over her stomach. She ran her fingers over her abdomen, noting the smooth, unmarked skin. Lexa let out the breath she was holding and eased the tension in her shoulders. She was okay.

No matter how many times she had that dream, it always ended like this. It only recently began to feel so real.

Lexa collapsed back onto her bed and pulled the warm comforter over her head. Why couldn't she have had one of her other reoccurring dreams last night? There were plenty other good ones. Why did it have to be that one again? Now she was going to go to work, tired and in an all-around horrible mood. And she really didn't need to give Nia one more reason to take advantage of her.

Nia.

Nia had been in that dream too. She smiled to herself remembering how in the dream Nia didn’t control her, how she threw a spear into her chest. Lexa felt a surge of happiness at the image of Nia slumped back in that chair, blood pouring from the wound she herself inflicted. Lexa quickly shook her head, disgusted with herself for taking pleasure in someone's death, even if it was Nia. Her heart began to race. Great, she was worked up again.

Lexa closed her eyes, trying to calm down, to push that dream out of her head. Her attempt at relaxation was rudely interrupted by the bedside alarm ringing loudly. She threw her arm out of the warmth of her cocoon and smashed the clock quiet. Why did she insist on using that damn old school alarm clock? Why couldn't she just be normal and use her phone like everyone else? Oh, right, because Lexa was stubborn and had used an old clock like that her whole life. She was not one to change up tradition.

She rolled out of bed and made her way to the bathroom. She glanced up at herself in the mirror and noticed the dark circles under her eyes. These dreams were getting ridiculous. This particular one was the most common dream. Post-Apocalyptic world, wars, politics, and she was the commander. The leader of everyone. Lexa really wouldn't have minded the dream, if it weren't for the end. She was a goddamn badass in it, fierce warpaint, uniting warring clans, she wielded double swords, for heaven's sake. But it always ended the same. She took a bullet to the gut and died staring into the love of her life's eyes. A fucking stray bullet. Every time. 

Lexa sighed and began to brush her teeth. Her phone vibrated with a new text message.

**_Anya_ ** _: Hey, bitch. They rescheduled that game. 8:30, tonight._

Yes! Lexa silently cheered as she typed her response. At least now she had the good fortune to have something to look forward to tonight.

**_Lexa_ ** _: Cool, I'll be there. Thanks_

Lexa loved playing indoor soccer. The games may be shorter and the field smaller, but it was so much faster, tougher, and arguably more dangerous than outdoor. She’d been playing on the same indoor team since she graduated college, and it had been a saving grace for her. Once a week, she was able to run, hit people (safely, of course) and just be free. Lexa was grateful to have that outlet tonight. Work was going to be hell today.

—

Lexa parked her car in the same spot she always did and made her way into the office, the dream from the morning nearly forgotten. She flipped on the lights and turned off the alarm. Lexa was no intern; in fact, she was one of the most requested CPAs at The Kalland Group, but that didn't stop Nia from treating her like one. She insisted that Lexa always be the first one here, be the one to open the office, make the coffee, get everything ready for the day. Lexa hated it, but she always kept her mouth shut, her face stoic, her voice emotionless. She couldn't defy Nia. She never would, and Nia knew that.

Lexa made her way to the break room and set about preparing the first pot of coffee. She didn't even drink coffee. She preferred tea. Lexa thought back to her first day at Kalland.

_Nia had personally shown her around the office, smiling and generous. Lexa had been on cloud nine. She was fresh off her masters, new certification granted, one of the youngest CPAs in the state and the old family friend had immediately offered her a position with her prestigious firm._

_The tour had ended in the break room._

_“This is where I leave you. I have a few calls to make,” Nia had said as she turned to leave Lexa. Just as she exited the room, she poked her head back into the doorframe. Lexa had thought she was going to offer congratulations or a nice sentiment about her being happy to be working together. Instead, Nia commanded her in her deceptively kind voice, “Make a fresh pot, that one is empty. Deliver a cup to my office when it's done. I take it black.”_

_Lexa was disappointed and a little confused. It seemed like a task for someone else, not a CPA. But it was her first day, and she wanted to make a good impression. Lexa swallowed her pride and turned to the coffee pot, studying it. How hard could this be? Idiots can make coffee. She filled the water reservoir, grabbed a filter, scooped a few tablespoons of ground coffee into the machine and flipped the switch. The machine came to life, and soon the break room filled with the smell of coffee._

_When the last drop splashed in the pot, Lexa poured a cup. It smelled right. Having never enjoyed coffee, she assumed she had succeeded. Lexa took the hot mug to Nia's office. The woman grabbed it without speaking, without even looking up at her, and took a sip. Nia spat the liquid back into the mug._

_“What is this!? Did you make tea!?” Nia jeered._

_Fuck._

_“Uh, sorry. I can make another pot,” Lexa stuttered. She was mortified. Her first task at Kalland Group and she failed._

_“Do that,” Nia demanded._

_Lexa hurried back to the break room, dumped the contents of the weak coffee down the drain and tried again. She was sure to triple the amount of coffee grounds this time._

Lexa shook the memory from her thoughts. That was 5 years ago, but not much had changed. Nia still held power over her, still made her feel like a child. Lexa wished her past was different, wished she could rid herself of Nia, but she knew that would never happen. It was all her own fault really.

—

The day dragged on. Numbers, numbers and more numbers. Lexa was good with numbers, she'd always been. She didn't hate her job, but it wasn't a passion. She did it because it was easy, it paid the bills, and it gave her a distraction during the day.

“Hayes!”

Lexa snapped her head up from the screen at the sound of her name. Titus Sabio, Nia's business partner and co-owner of the firm, stood in the doorframe of her office. While Titus was tough and wise, and he had a soft spot for Lexa. She was grateful for him. It made working for Nia slightly more tolerable.

“Sir?” she replied.

“It's 7:30 on a Friday. Shouldn't you be at home, getting ready for a fabulous date?”

Lexa blushed at the thought.

“No dates for me. I do have a game to get to though. Thanks for the reminder.”

Titus chuckled to himself.

“Okay, get out of here then.”

Lexa saved her document and shut down her computer. She grabbed her messenger bag and coat and walked out of the office with Titus, turning off the lights as she went. They walked together out the front doors into the crisp autumn air. Titus bid her goodnight as he turned towards his car.

“Hayes! Don't forget, early day on Monday. The ad agency is sending over the art director for our new web design,” Titus shouted to her as he unlocked his car.

“I remember. See you Monday.”

As if Lexa could forget. The whole office had been buzzing for the past week. Their website was in dire need of an overhaul, and Titus had finally convinced Nia to hire an agency to design it. Lexa had been impressed with the preliminary designs the art director had sent over. They were elegant, professional, and beautiful. To say Lexa was excited to meet the person responsible was an understatement. She was positively eager.

—

Lexa pulled into the parking lot of the West Indoor Soccer Center at 8:27. She jumped out of her car and raced into the building, clumsily stuffing her shin guards into the sleeves under her socks in between strides. She saw her team already huddled up about to give their pump up cheer before taking the field. She ran to the door of the field and hopped over.

“Oh, thank fuck. Hayes is here,” Anya drawled. “You ready? I really don't want to put Gus on the field.”

“Hey! I can play her position just fine,” Gustus retorted.

“No one can play my position,” Lexa snapped, a sly smirk creeping across her face. The soccer field was the one place she felt confident. It was where she could let herself lose control, to be free, to be fierce, to be unapologetically herself.

“Good, you're in. Alright, ladies-” Anya started.

“And gentlemen,” Gustus cut in. The Grounders were the only team in the co-ed league to have only one male on the team. And they were usually at the top of the league.

“Right, ladies,” Anya repeated, deliberately not correcting herself. “Let's kick their asses. Hands in! Team on 3. 1, 2, 3!”

“Team!” They all shouted at once.

Lexa jogged on the field to her position. Left back. She felt her adrenaline start to spike. The referee placed the ball on the center circle. The whistle cut through the air, and the clock started its countdown.

Lexa's team had won the coin toss and started with the kickoff. The ball was immediately passed to her, and she controlled it effortlessly, taking a few strides up the field. An attacker from the other team approached her. In a quick move, she feigned right and sent the ball flying into the wall to her left, bouncing a pass directly to Anya. The attacker was moving too quickly to stop, so Lexa planted herself and gave the slightest of bumps with her shoulder. The momentum and Lexa's strong shoulder sent the attacker flying into the wall with a satisfying crash. Completely legal. And damn, did it feel good.

Lexa looked up and crashed the goal as Anya sent a well-paced ball flying off the back wall, setting up the perfect angle. All she had to do was tap it in. Easier said than done, but Lexa was perfectly skilled. The sound of the ball scraping the back of the net was drowned out by the cheers of her teammates as they celebrated the early goal.

Lexa jogged back to their half, barely a smirk on her face. Scoring felt good, but there was no need to act like she hadn't scored before. She was a commander of the field. This was turning out to be a great way to start her weekend.

—

Lexa walked towards her car after the game, feeling the best she'd felt all week. The Grounders easily defeated their opponents 7-2. She didn't score any other goals that game, but she was a defender, goals were not her primary objective.

“Lexa!” Anya shouted at her from across the parking lot. “We're going to The Tower for post-game beers. You better come! No excuses this time, Hayes! You need to get laid! I hear the ladies love a woman in uniform!”

“Fine! I'll come if you stop shouting about my sex life in public!” Lexa yelled back, mortified at her captain's lack of decency.

“No promises! You're a fine piece of ass and the world should know!”

“Anya!”

“See you there, Hayes!”

Lexa grumbled to herself as she got into her car. Anya could be so brash. It's not that she didn't date, in fact, she went on several dates. They just never really lived up to her expectations. Lexa had very particular tastes. One taste really. A very embarrassing taste.

Ever since the dreams started, Lexa couldn't help but notice the object of her affection in all of them. Every. Single. Dream. How could she not notice the same beautiful blonde woman, blue eyes, full figure, slightly husky voice and the mind to back it all up? Lexa was completely in love with her dream woman. Her literal dream woman. A woman she had only met in her dreams. And that was embarrassing, to say the least, unhealthy to say the most.

Lexa tried to shake the image of the blonde from her mind as she drove to the local bar, uncomfortably aware of the heat pooling in between her thighs. Lexa flipped on the radio to distract herself from her thoughts and began singing along to whatever 80's pop hit was blasting through her speakers. 80's pop always had a way to get her mind off of things. It was so happy and simple. A guilty pleasure that actually caused no feelings of guilt whatsoever.

—

The Tower was a local dive bar that looked nothing like a tower. Lexa didn't understand the name, and she never could get anyone to explain it to her. Nevertheless, it was appropriately packed for a Friday night, but Lexa found her teammates easily enough. The matching uniforms were a big help in that.

“Hayes! Gracing us with her presence!” Gustus boomed over the chatter of the bar. He passed her a glass full of cold beer and threw his muscular arm over her shoulder giving her a warm side hug. Lexa couldn't help but smile. Gustus was a huge man with a full beard and tattooed face. On all accounts, he looked like someone who shouldn't be messed with, but he was in reality, the biggest teddy bear on the team.

“Hey, yeah, thanks. Anya insisted,” Lexa said, clinking her full pint with Gustus' half empty one.

“It's about time. We like you, kid,” Gustus smiled.

“I’m not a kid, you know, I’m almost 30,” Lexa stated firmly.

“Yeah, well, you're still younger and smaller than me. That makes you a kid in my book.”

“Everyone is smaller than you, Gus. It's what makes you an unstoppable keeper.”

“Ha, and here I thought it was my unattainable athletic skill keeping all the goals out.”

“You let two in tonight.”

“Right, well-”

“Lexa! Fuck, yeah! I really thought you'd chicken out again,” Anya cut in. “Come here, let's find you a woman.”

Anya pulled Lexa's arm, dragging her away from Gustus. “Really, I don't need your help-”

“Would you relax, Hayes. I'm trying to be a good wing-woman here. What's your type? Tall, trim, athletic, blonde hair, brown eyes, legs for days?”

“Anya, you just described yourself.”

“Are you saying I'm not attractive? I’m a fucking catch, Hayes!”

Lexa inhaled, ready to give a sarcastic response when the front door to the bar opened. Lexa saw her out of the corner of her eye and immediately did a double take. It was her. The woman from her dreams. She was there. Walking into the crowded bar.

It was like a god damn rom-com movie. Time seemed to slow down, the cacophony of the bar all but faded away. Lexa could hear the music swell up. If she could think clearly, she would recognize the sultry tones of Peter Gabriel crooning “In Your Eyes” through the bar speakers. And Lexa couldn't take her eyes off the woman. She was more beautiful than in her dreams. Lexa watched as she navigated through the crowded bar effortlessly, gliding like a dancer. She was simply enchanting.

Anya's gaze followed her own and let out a long whistle. “Damn, Hayes. She's hot. Perhaps out of your league, but you gotta shoot for the stars, I guess.”

Lexa couldn't even muster a response. As far as she could tell, she was in shock. The dream woman was real, and here. Her eyes followed the blonde as she approached a group of friends, greeting them with a gorgeous smile. Lexa stared, too long, too hard, and the woman must have felt it and turned to meet her look. She smiled and gave a small wink.

Lexa choked on the beer she just gulped and spit the remnants out of her mouth before looking away. Her cheeks flushed red. She took a moment to compose herself before looking back at Anya.

“Whoa there, Lex. You okay?”

“What? Yeah, I'm fine.”

“Go talk to her.”

“No, no, I can’t.” What would she even say? What could she even possibly say to the woman she was so fucking in love with even though she had never actually met her?

“Lexa, just go talk to her. You can't embarrass yourself any more than you just did.”

Lexa shot her a vicious look.

“What? You think this whole bar didn't just see you choke on your beer when a pretty girl winked at you?”

—

Lexa spent the rest of the night stealing side glances at the woman as Anya supplied her with liquid courage. After her third beer, Lexa felt ~~tipsy~~ confident enough to rally up the courage to approach the blonde woman.

“Okay, I'm ready.”

“About fucking time, Hayes. You're starting to cut in on my hunt,” Anya stated.

“Your hunt?” Lexa scoffed.

“Mmhmm, my hunt,” Anya said, plastering a devilish look on her face.

“That's disgusting. It’s so predatory. Don’t you want a meaningful relationship? A real one? One that doesn’t start with such a-”

“You're stalling,” Anya interrupted.

“Am not!” She was. She knew it. The thought of finally meeting this woman in person was terrifying, and no amount of alcohol could prepare her for this moment.

“Come on, Lexa. I'll say hi first, break the ice for you, introduce you,” Anya said pulling Lexa by the wrist. Lexa began to protest but allowed Anya to guide her toward the blonde’s group of friends.

They weaved through the crowds of people. Lexa could feel her heart beating through her chest. She was about to meet the woman of her dreams. She felt her emotional wall build up. It was a nasty habit she formed after her teenage years, after Costia. Lexa had a difficult time opening herself up to potential relationships. It was a defense mechanism. 

“Well, shit. Where'd she go?”

“What?” Lexa stopped in her tracks, pulling her arm from Anya's grasp.

“I don't see her,” Anya said, standing on her toes, trying to get a better vantage point.

Lexa scanned the room, too. Sure enough, the blonde woman was nowhere to be seen.

She swallowed the lump forming in her throat. Lexa felt a pull of opposite emotions. She was devastated she didn't meet the woman of her dreams, but also slightly relieved she didn't have to face the rejection from the perfect woman. Because Lexa was sure an exquisite creature like the blonde would never be into someone like her. The world was not that kind.


	2. Kiss

In her half-drunk slumber, Lexa began to dream again. Rapid fire. Hopping from dream to dream. She was in [law school](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13798821/chapters/31723818), neighbors with the gorgeous blonde med student. She was in [college](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6894961/chapters/15731620), roommates with the blonde. She was a [campus police officer](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6991291/chapters/15931504), friends with the blonde. She was a [rockstar](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12886815/chapters/29439321), in love with her blonde best friend.

Lexa stirred in her sleep as she jumped into another dream. The post-apocalyptic world again. She was the commander, heda. She opened the heavy doors, knowing what was coming. Lexa grimaced in her sleep as she was shot again. She waited to die, to wake up as she always did. But this time it was different. The bullet didn’t kill her. She survived.

Lexa and the blonde woman left the tower, traveled to a cave, a trading post, and a crashed space station turned settlement. The blonde confessed her love to her; Lexa kissed her passionately. She was captured, tied up. She escaped and saved the life of her blonde lover. She was stabbed. The blonde woman kissed her softly as she died.

Lexa woke up, panting. She grabbed the hem of her shirt and lifted it, inspecting her abdomen for two unseen wounds this time. Clear skin, as usual. But she could still feel it. She could feel the cool metal handle as she pulled the knife from her stomach. She could feel the warm blood running down her abs. Lexa reached up and touched her lips. She could still feel the warmth of the blonde woman’s mouth upon them. She could taste her.

Lexa sighed. What was with these dreams? They were so real. At least this time she dreamt about more than just her death. And her death was different than it had been in the past. It was the first time she dreamt about that particular world and survived the initial gunshot wound.

—

Lexa spent the rest of weekend huddled on her couch, avoiding sleep, day-dreaming about a blonde woman, and catching up on her ever-growing Netflix watchlist. When she did give in to exhaustion, she had more of the same dreams. So real, so vivid. It was as if it was actually happening to her. As if she jumped straight into a whole other world. Most of them were exceptionally pleasant and Lexa would be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy those. Even the most common one, the commander one, had its perks. The blonde was there, and Lexa was in love with her and got to be with her. Even if it was cut short by a damn bullet.

By the time her Monday morning alarm rang, earlier than usual, Lexa had experienced her death 3 times, each time as real as the air she was breathing, and she was exhausted. Lexa stumbled out of bed and got ready in a half-asleep stupor.

She finally felt awake as she opened her car door, sipping her freshly brewed Lady Grey tea. Lexa started her car and immediately opened her Spotify 80’s playlist. She was determined to be in a good mood this morning. The art director was due in the office first thing, and the whole company was invited to watch the presentation of the new website.

It was going to be a rare change of pace at work, and Lexa was weirdly excited. She pressed play on her favorite song and smiled as the lyrics filled her car. She joyfully sang along to “Take On Me,” even almost hitting the impossibly high notes as she drove to work.

She arrived early, parked in her regular spot, and opened the office as usual. Even though the presentation was due to start in half an hour, the office was still quiet and empty. Lexa made her way to her personal office and settled her things. As she turned on her computer, she finally heard the sounds of her coworkers trickling in. The lazy bums, cutting it awfully close this morning.

Lexa stared at her screen and began entering data when she suddenly stopped what she was doing. A wave of familiarity washed over her. She leaned back in her chair, letting the sensation fully envelop her. It felt like home. She heard the receptionist, Indra, welcome someone to the office. Titus walked quickly past her open office door to the receptionist desk. Lexa strained to hear the conversation.

“You must be the art director. Pleased to meet you, I’m Titus Sabio, co-owner here at The Kalland Group.”

Despite her best efforts, Lexa couldn’t hear the art director’s response. She stood up to make her way to the conference room where the art director and Titus were surely headed. Before she exited her office, Nia appeared in front of her, stopping her in her tracks.

“Lexa, dear,” she said in her sickly sweet voice. Lexa took an involuntary step back, desperate to distance herself from the subtle smell of vodka on Nia’s breath. She knew her boss loved her liquor. Hell, she was pretty sure the whole office knew, but no one ever said anything to the woman. She was powerful and dangerous, even in her inebriated state. “Brew a fresh pot of coffee and fill the carafe for the conference room.”

“The presentation is going to start any minute,” Lexa stated cooly. She maintained her professionally neutral facade even though her mind was screaming. She wanted to see this art director, to meet them. Something was pulling her. Something she couldn’t explain. Lexa waited for Nia’s response. Perhaps she would relent and assign the task to a more junior associate.

“Then you best hurry along.”

Lexa cursed under her breath as she walked to the break room. She mindlessly made another pot of coffee and waited for the damn thing to brew. She was missing the art director who she was inexplicably drawn to. All because of Nia and her unfortunate ability to control Lexa.

Lexa had known Nia since her teens. Nia was the mother of her first love, Costia. _Costia_. Lexa felt the tears form at just the thought of her name. She had been dead for nearly thirteen years now. After her death, Lexa stayed close with her mother. Or really it was Nia who stayed close to her. She guided Lexa towards the top college accounting programs, encouraged her to fast track her career. And she had done just that.

Lexa was grateful for all Nia did for her. She really was, but she also hated her. She hated the amount of control and influence she had over her. But Lexa would never turn from her. Not after what she did for her following Costia’s death.

The beep of the machine stirred Lexa from her thoughts. She quickly grabbed the carafe and filled it. Lexa practically ran through the office towards the conference room. Luckily the entire staff was already in the room, otherwise, there was a very high probability Lexa would have barreled straight into a poor unfortunate soul in her hasty attempt to miss as little of the presentation as possible.

Lexa slowed her pace to a walk as she approached the conference room. The floor to ceiling windows, which usually offered a perfect sight into the room, were no help today. The entire staff was crammed inside, blocking Lexa’s view of the art director and screen in the front.

She opened the door as quietly as possible and set the coffee on the back table. She straightened herself and stood to the side, trying to get the best view she could. Lexa could just see the top of the art director’s blonde hair pulled back in a messy bun.

Lexa’s breath caught in her throat as she heard the art director speak. She’d recognize that husky voice anywhere. It was the voice that had saturated her dreams for her entire adulthood.

Lexa stood there in a daze for the duration of the presentation. It wasn’t until Titus spoke that Lexa finally regained her composure.

“Thank you, Miss Griffin. Excellent work. This is precisely what we were looking for. Are you sure this is your first assignment?”

Lexa couldn’t hear what the blonde said in response. She just heard the collective chuckle of her co-workers, followed by the applause. Lexa slowly clapped her hands as the crowd thinned. She debated waiting, casually striking up a conversation with the woman, but her insecurities won out and she quickly followed the stragglers out of the conference room, not even sparing a glance at the woman as she left.

Lexa closed her office door behind her and leaned up against it. She let out the breath she didn’t even know she was holding and pulled her phone out of her back pocket.

**_Lexa_ ** _: She’s here._

**_Anya_ ** _: What? Who? What?_

**_Lexa_ ** _: The woman from the bar on Friday. She’s here in the office. She’s the art director they hired to revamp the website._

**_Anya_ ** _: Shut the fuck up. The hot blonde giving you lady wood?!?! She’s there? Have you proposed yet?_

Lexa rolled her eyes at her phone. She knew Anya really wouldn’t be any help here, but she was Lexa’s oldest friend and she didn’t have anyone else to talk to. She made her way back to her desk. There were a few unread emails, but one in particular one caught her eye.

She opened the email from Indra, the office’s secretary/receptionist. Apparently, Ms. Griffin would be in the office for the remainder of the day taking photos for the website, including individual shots of each employee. There was a document attached detailing the time for each person’s headshot. Lexa’s was at 6pm. The last of the day. Great. She now had the whole day to obsess over what to say to her dream woman.

Lexa leaned back in her chair and rubbed her temples in frustration. What was she doing? She never let her feelings overwhelm her like this. She was an expert at compartmentalizing. She had to be after everything that happened when she was a teenager. She gave herself thirty more seconds of weakness before burying herself in work.

—

By the time 5pm rolled around, Lexa had successfully avoided thinking about her dream woman the whole day. She even managed to ignore Anya’s semi-consistent text message pestering. She knew she shouldn’t have texted her.

Lexa was just finishing up her last task of the day when she got an email notification. She glanced at the sender: cgriffin@arkadiacreative.com. Lexa felt her heart begin to race. She opened the email.

 

_Ms. Hayes,_

_I’m so sorry to do this, but something has come up, and I have to get back to the office as soon as I finish packing up here. I’m afraid I won’t be able to take your headshot today. I hope you understand._

_When’s a good time for a make-up shoot? Tomorrow, perhaps? Let me know what works for you, and I’ll rearrange whatever I need to._

 

_Sorry again!_

_Clarke Griffin_

_Media Magician_

_Arkadia Creative_

 

Clarke. Her name was Clarke. Lexa smiled. The name suited her dream woman perfectly. It was unique and beautiful and completely unexpected. Lexa reread the email again, eager to learn everything she could about the art director. After analyzing the email for a few minutes, Lexa concluded that:

1\. Clarke toed the line between professional and personable.

2\. Clarke’s company was much more laid back than The Kalland Group.

3\. Clarke was going to rearrange her schedule to accommodate Lexa.

4\. Clarke was adorable.

Lexa sat forward to type out a response. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard as her mind raced a million miles a minute trying to find the perfect response.

 

_Ms. Griffin,_

_I understand. I have a spare moment in my schedule tomorrow at 8:30am._

 

_Thank you,_

_Lexa Hayes_

_CPA, The Kalland Group_

 

Perfect.

Lexa glanced at her clock; it was 5:07. She was technically finished with her work and since she had arrived at 8am, she had officially put in a full day’s work. She turned off her computer, grabbed her jacket and messenger bag and headed for the exit.

“Leaving already? Don’t you have an appointment with Ms. Griffin?” Indra asked as she approached the doors.

“She had to reschedule for tomorrow morning. Something came up, I guess. Have a nice evening,” Lexa answered waving a goodbye to the secretary.

As Lexa approached her car, she heard the ding of her email notification. She fished her phone out of her pocket and saw that Clarke had already responded to her email. Giddy, she swiped her phone open and promptly crashed to the ground.

Lexa hadn’t seen the woman in front of her, she was too preoccupied with the message to notice. She heard the woman begin to lose her balance as her bags spilled to the ground. The woman caught herself in time, but her belongings scattered over the concrete.

“Shit! I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention. Are you okay?” Lexa rattled off as she righted herself. She looked up and met beautiful blue eyes.

“It’s alright, I’m fine,” Clarke chuckled.

“I, uh, fuck-” Lexa stammered. She then noticed one of the bags littering the parking lot was an expensive looking camera bag. “Is that your camera? Is it broken?”

“The bag should’ve prevented that from happening, relax,” Clarke said. “Are you alright? You’re the one who ended up on her ass here.”

Lexa’s cheeks flushed red. She turned and reached for the camera bag, desperate for a reason to hide her blush. As her hand extended to a strap, Lexa felt warm fingers graze her own as Clarke reached for the bag at the same time.

Lexa blinked her eyes. She was standing in a tent. There was a table to her left covered with rolled parchment. She looked down, she was wearing a thick black coat, she could just make out black makeup on her face. She looked up as she heard a familiar voice.

“Don’t we deserve better than that?”

Lexa stood dumbfounded. Clarke was in front of her, looking away. This was exactly like her dream, except it wasn’t a dream. She could hear the sounds of thousands of people outside the tent. She could feel the thick fabric of her coat. She could smell the horses in the camp. Lexa heard the wind rustle the walls of the tent.

She had to be dreaming, but she was certain she wasn’t asleep. She was just at work. In the parking lot. With Clarke. But Clarke was here. And this felt different. As real as her dreams had been lately, she could always tell she was dreaming. This was no dream, and Lexa had never felt more awake.

All Lexa could think to do was follow the events of the dream. She had dreamt of this moment enough times to know exactly what to do, but she was terrified. She knew what was coming, and she wanted to do it. She wanted it desperately. She stared at the blonde woman’s lips. She inhaled, trying to steady her nerves. She swallowed the lump in her throat.

“Maybe we do,” she finally responded, sparing a glance up at Clarke’s eyes before dropping her attention to her lips once more.

Lexa grabbed the back of Clarke’s neck and leaned in, ignoring the moment of panic that flashed on Clarke’s face. Lexa captured her lips in a chaste kiss. She felt the surge of heat rise from her stomach. She curled her fingers gently in the blonde hair. Clarke tasted sweet and perfect and real. She pulled back for a moment, allowing Clarke an opportunity to stop her advancement. Clarke did not back away. Instead, she leaned in and kissed her again. Lexa pushed into her, deepening the kiss, desperate for more contact.

Lexa felt Clarke’s warm hand press against the small of her back. Her heart leapt at the sensation. She swallowed the moan forming in her throat. She didn’t want this to end, but she broke away to breathe. She leaned back in.

She was in the parking lot. Her hand was wrapped around a camera bag strap. Clarke was there, she was the same woman she was just kissing, but different. She wasn’t wearing the same leather jacket. She was older. Her hair was done differently. She seemed softer, and her mouth was moving.

“Hey, hey! Are you sure you’re alright? Did you hit your head when you fell?”

“What?” Lexa bit back, a little too sharply.

“I said, are you okay? You spaced out there for a second,” Clarke said, ignoring Lexa’s rude delivery.

“I’m fine,” Lexa stated cooly. She stood up and thrust the camera bag into the blonde woman’s arms. “Sorry for bumping into you.”

Lexa turned on her heel and raced to her car. She slid in and slammed the door shut behind her. She gripped the steering wheel tightly, turning her knuckles white, and shouted into the empty car.

“What the fuck just happened?”

Lexa let out a very undignified yelp as she heard a loud rapping from her left. Her eyes darted to the driver’s side window. Indra stood there, frantically waving at her and gesturing for her to roll down her window. Lexa took a steadying breath and complied.

“Indra, hi, I’m actually late for something-”

“I saw what happened.”

“Oh, right. I’m fine. I think Miss Griffin is-”

“How long have you known you were a viator?”

“How long have I.. What?”

“How long have you been universe hopping?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was inspired to write this fic by all the amazing stories I’ve read here, so whenever I mention an AU that I did not personally create, I will link to them in the story and note them in the author’s notes at the end. All credit goes to these authors, and this is just my way of paying homage to them. I will never give away anything from their fictions beyond what the author has offered in their summary or tags. If you haven’t read these, I highly recommend them. They’re amazing! It’s just a small sampling of the incredible works found on Ao3. I wish I could include them all!
> 
> All that being said, if any of you reading this are the author of an AU I mentioned and would prefer me to take it out of my story, I will do so without hesitation. I only mean to flatter, not upset. Find me on tumblr @eris223
> 
> AUs Mentioned in Chapter Two:
> 
> bang shui by AndiLand (AndiMarquette)  
> She by thefooliam  
> the business of caring by coldmackerel  
> Unsung Heart by Tabithacraft


	3. Talk to Me

Lexa sat across from Indra, sipping from her too hot tea cup. She had followed the woman to the coffee shop across the street from the office. The two women had been sitting in an awkward silence for several minutes. Indra finally leaned forward and in a hushed tone asked her again.

“How long have you known you were a viator?”

“What is a viator? I truly have no idea what you’re asking,” Lexa shook her head, confused by the term.

“A viator. A traveler. Someone who can willingly hop between this world and the next,” Indra offered, her eyes searching for an answer Lexa did not have.

“Indra, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lexa snapped.

She had a pretty good idea of what Indra was referring, but Lexa wasn’t about to admit that. It was crazy. She had never told a soul about her dreams, and she certainly had never hopped worlds before. Well, never before this evening. She left the neutral look on her face, careful to give away none of her thoughts.

“Ms. Hayes, Lexa. I saw you. I saw what happened when Ms. Griffin touched your hand,” Indra continued. She reached across the table and laid her hand on Lexa’s. As if reading her mind she added, “Don’t worry, you’re not crazy, and no one else noticed.”

Lexa pulled her hand away from Indra’s. She didn’t understand what was going on. She wasn’t sure which was worse, not having a logical answer or this woman being able to see through her stoicism.

“Where did you go?” Indra urged, sincerity burning behind her eyes.

Lexa felt her resolve begin to crumble. She craved answers, and it seemed possible Indra could help find them. She finally admitted quietly, “Into one of my dreams.”

“Your dreams? You mean, you never physically hopped before now? You have only visited in your dreams?” Indra asked, leaning forward, eyes wide in surprise.

“Visited what? I’m starting to get frustrated with these half answers, Indra. Can you please tell me what you’re talking about?” Lexa retorted loudly. She was quickly losing her patience and control. Indra seemed to see that. She stood from her chair and approached Lexa’s side.

“Ms. Hayes, please, I will explain everything. But first, go home, eat, try to compose yourself. Meet me at my home tonight when you’re ready.”

Indra pulled out a pen and quickly jotted down her address on a napkin and slid it towards Lexa. Without another word, Indra walked out of the coffee shop. Lexa didn’t protest; she instead sat there, holding her now appropriately warm tea mug, staring at nothing. She gently placed her unfinished tea down on the table and gathered her things to leave.

Lexa made it all the way across the street before turning around and sprinting back into the quaint little coffee shop. She grabbed the napkin from the busboy and walked back to her car.

—

Lexa sat in her car in front of Indra’s house. She had arrived 15 minutes prior but hadn’t bothered to get out yet. Was this even happening? Was she really about to walk into her co-worker’s house and talk about all the dreams she’d been having? About the weird out of body experience in the parking lot? About being in love with a dream woman who just so happened to be the art director hired to revamp their website? Okay, she could probably omit that last bit. Indra didn’t need to know about her pitiful unrequited love.

Lexa finally approached the front door and knocked lightly. She heard footsteps approach seconds later, and the door opened to reveal Indra dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt. The sight was surprising considering Lexa had never seen Indra outside of the office, and this casual attire was a far cry from the picture of perfect professionalism Indra usually wore. The woman smiled and stood aside, welcoming Lexa into her home.

Lexa gave a half smile as she walked into the house. She was surprised by what she saw. In all regards, it was a charming, comfortable, home. If she was being honest, she expected to see dark corners, a crystal ball sitting on a circular table, maybe even an inappropriate amount of candles lighting the home. Indra had just hours before been telling Lexa about all this mystical nonsense, using words she’d never thought she’d ever hear coming from the secretary’s mouth.

Indra motioned for Lexa to take a seat on the extremely inviting couch.

“Would you like something to drink? Tea, perhaps?”

“Sure, thanks.”

Indra busied herself in the kitchen as Lexa sat quietly on the couch, waiting. After a few minutes, Indra appeared carrying two mugs of chamomile tea. Lexa inhaled the familiar aroma and felt her body relax. Tea could solve anything. Coffee be damned. Tea was magical.

“So, let’s try this again,” Indra said softly, interrupting Lexa’s little tea fantasy.

“Yeah, I’d very much like to know what’s going on,” Lexa said plainly. She had her usual wall built on her face. She didn’t trust that Indra was completely sane as of yet, so she didn’t want to seem too eager with questions right away.

“Perhaps you could start from the beginning?” Indra asked.

“The beginning?”

“Yes, from wherever you think your beginning is.”

Lexa paused and stared at Indra. Okay, she wanted to hear Lexa’s side first. Maybe she didn’t trust Lexa either. The mutual suspicion actually calmed Lexa. Only a lunatic would wholeheartedly accept what was going on.

“When I was 16, my girlfriend died. The dreams started not long after. I always assumed they were a means to process my grief, my mind’s way to escape the real world. There were several different ones, but each time I dreamt about a particular world, they were always the same. No matter which dream it was. A few weeks ago, the dreams began to become more vivid.”

Lexa took a deep breath. She looked up at Indra who just stared back, sipping her chamomile, emotionless, waiting for Lexa to continue.

“I started to notice the faces in my dreams were faces I’d see in my everyday life. You were in a few, actually.” Lexa added, remembering the stoic face of the secretary in the post-apocalyptic world. She was a loyal general. The realization actually relaxed Lexa further. Indra had always been faithful to her in the dreams, and Lexa somehow knew she’d be the same in reality. Indra took a sip of her tea as Lexa continued.

“Last Friday, I saw Ms. Griffin at a bar. We didn’t talk or anything, but that night and every night since, my dreams have been so real. I could feel them. They lingered. Then when her hand touched mine this evening… I blinked and I was in a tent. I mean, I was actually there. I was wearing different clothes, different make-up. But it was so real. I wasn’t dreaming. Clarke, Ms. Griffin, was there, she was the same, but different. I, uh, I kissed her, and then I was back in the parking lot.” Lexa finished quickly, hoping Indra didn’t notice the considerable flush in her cheeks after thinking about that kiss.

“So you weren’t in control of the hop?” Indra interjected.

“The hop?”

“When you blinked and found yourself in a tent. You didn’t intentionally go there?”

“What? No, no. I had no idea what happened,” Lexa said truthfully.

“Hmm,” Indra sipped her tea.

Lexa’s mind was racing. She had just told this woman, this acquaintance, one of her greatest secrets and she seemed to have no reactions. Her blood began to boil. It took all the self-composure she had not to stand up and demand answers. Instead, Lexa sipped her tea, trying to concentrate on the soothing feeling of the warm liquid sliding down her throat heating her chest from the inside.

Indra set her mug down and turned to face Lexa on the couch. She felt the need to mirror her, so Lexa grudgingly put her mug down and looked back at Indra.

“You are a viator,” Indra stated plainly.

“You said that before. What’s a viator?” Lexa snapped back.

“A viator is a person who has the ability to see and experience alternate universes,” Indra explained, unfazed by Lexa’s anger.

“Alternate universes?”

“There is an infinite number of universes all co-existing at the same time. New ones appear every day. The people in them, the faces you always see, the people you have relationships with, they are all present in each universe, although perhaps not always in the same manner. Generally speaking, their basic personality, their appearance, those are the same, but the circumstances of their surroundings often change key characteristics.”

“So you’re a viator, too?” Lexa asked.

“No, I do not possess that ability.”

“What? How did you know about me then? How do you know about all this?” Lexa demanded. Her patience was dwindling. Indra seemed to know exactly what was going on, but she wasn’t giving her the answers and clarity she desperately needed.

“I am an auctor. I can only sense the universes.”

“Um, okay… That still doesn’t tell me how you know all of this.”

“There is actually a group of us. Have you ever seen Buffy?”

“What?” Lexa was taken aback. Buffy? Where was she going with this? And Indra has seen Buffy? That would have been the most surprising discovery of the night had the whole universe hopping thing not happened. Indra took Lexa’s brief silence as confusion about the show.

“Buffy the Vampire Slayer. TV show from the late 90’s. Into every generation, a slayer is born-”

“I know what it is,” Lexa interrupted. “What does Joss Whedon’s feminist, although arguably imperfectly feminist, masterpiece have to do with all this?”

“I’m just trying to give you a metaphor,” Indra said simply. “Auctors are sort of like watchers. Viators are the slayers, without the superhuman strength and slaying demons thing. Although technically, I suppose that could happen in one of the worlds…” Indra pondered the last statement to herself. Her eyes shot wide open as she quickly addressed Lexa. “Have you ever seen a vampire? Slayed a demon?”

“Whoa, what?”

“I’m sorry. You’re just… You’re my viator. There are a few auctors in my group who have found their universe viators, but most of us never find them. It’s really exciting,” Indra said, unable to keep the enthusiasm from her voice.

Lexa took a moment and closed her eyes. Indra didn’t press her as she collected her thoughts.

“Okay, so to clarify, I can travel to other universes, a metaphorical chosen one. And you are my Giles who guides me?”

“Yes!”

“Okay, but why would I need a guide? What is the point of hopping between worlds?”

“What is the point of trying a new restaurant? Of taking a hike on a trail you’ve never walked before? Of traveling to a new country you’ve never visited? The point is the journey. The experience. You have the gift to see things, to experience multiple lives. Isn’t that enough?”

She had a point. Lexa couldn’t deny that it would be a welcomed distraction to escape her current life, even for a little bit. But she still wasn’t entirely convinced this wasn’t some cruel joke. That a TV crew wasn’t just hiding behind the door about to pop out and yell “Gotcha!”

Lexa studied Indra’s face. The woman looked entirely sincere. There was no judgement in her eyes. She was either the world’s best actress, or she was actually telling the truth. Lexa closed her eyes again. There was really only one way for her to know if this was real.

“Show me,” she said finally looking up at Indra again.

—

The two women had traded their comfortable spots on the couch for the considerably less than accommodating floor. Lexa’s back was beginning to ache as she sat cross-legged in front of Indra, and she grew increasingly irritable. Indra had spent the last hour explaining proper technique and theories the other auctors had developed for universe hopping. Lexa fidgeted and attempted to stretch her tired muscles.

“Okay, so pretty much just like meditating,” Lexa clarified with a sigh.

“Yes, concentrate on your breathing. Focus. Focus on where you want to go,” Indra affirmed.

“I want to try now.”

“Are you sure?” Indra asked. Lexa could feel her eyes searching her own face for any signs of doubt.

“Absolutely,” Lexa stated firmly. She was as ready as she ever was going to be.

“Alright, tell me where you want to hop.”

“Maybe I should just go for the same one as earlier this evening?”

“Is that the one you most frequently dream about?”

“Yes, I usually dream about that one at least once a night,” Lexa answered.

“The source universe,” Indra mumbled quietly.

“Sorry?”

“The source universe,” Indra began. “It’s a theory that some of the auctors, myself included, support. It hypothesizes that there is one universe where everyone originated. It’s the strongest one, it dictates the personalities and themes in every other universe. It’s probably a good idea to try that one first considering you’ve already done it, and you seem to be the most familiar with it.”

“Good, okay. Let’s do this.”

“Alright, close your eyes. Breathe in. Listen to your heartbeat, feel your shoulders move as you inhale.”

Lexa followed her instructions. She breathed in, she felt her chest fill with air.

“That’s it. Now, think of one of your dreams. Picture it. Feel it.”

Lexa focused. She felt her body relax. She pictured Clarke standing in front of her in the tent. She felt her body twitch.

Lexa opened her eyes. She was in the tent. She turned her head towards the front as a certain blonde woman entered.

She was sitting cross-legged in front of Indra, back on the hard floor. She felt a trickle of warmth from her nose. Lexa reached a hand up to her face and found blood staining her fingers.

“You did it! Did you go to the universe you intended? What did you see? How long were you there?” Indra was positively beside herself.

“What? Only a second. You saw that,” Lexa said, confused. She had literally only been in that tent for a second and hopped right back to reality.

“Time moves differently when you hop. Here in this world, it only looks as if you glaze over for a moment, but in an alternate universe, it could have been minutes, hours, days, months. Time doesn’t move here, just there,” Indra explained.

That would have been helpful to know beforehand, but it did explain why Clarke hadn’t been more concerned in the parking lot. Lexa decided to not address Indra’s omission of information. She touched her fingers to her nose again, the bleeding had all but stopped.

“Is this normal?” She asked.

“It can happen when a viator isn’t strong enough,” Indra stated.

The statement caused an inexplicable bout of anger to curl in Lexa’s belly. Indra was implying that she was weak.

“But I did it earlier today with no problems, no complications,” Lexa said cooly.

“Ms. Griffin, does she appear in your dreams? Is she a prevalent figure in the other universes?”

Lexa felt her heart quicken and her cheeks warm. She kept her face calm. What did Clarke have to do with this?

“Yes.”

“I thought so. I think there is a reason your dreams intensified after you saw her a few days ago, and why you were able to successfully hop when she touched you. It would seem that Clarke Griffin is your soulmate.”

“You can’t be serious,” Lexa scoffed. Sure, she was pretty certain she was in love with the woman. She appeared in all her dreams. Her heartbeat sped up every time she was in the near vicinity of the blonde. But soulmates? Lexa didn’t even really know Clarke. How could they be soulmates?

“I am serious. I told you that everyone in your reality, all the important people in your life appear in all of the universes in one way or another. For some viators, that includes a soulmate. They are inexplicably drawn to one another, no matter the circumstances. They complete each other, and when they are together, the power is unmatched.”

“I don’t even know her.”

“It doesn’t matter. The universe recognized her for you. Put you on a collision course, quite literally in this case,” Indra chuckled.

Lexa stood up abruptly. She felt the panic build, her breathing shortened and quickened. She felt dizzy, her fingers began to tingle. Lexa knew a panic attack was close. Before it could get worse, she stumbled towards the front door.

“I think I’m going to go now,” she managed to say as she twisted the doorknob.

“Wait, Lexa,” Indra called as she caught up to her in the foyer.

“It’s just a lot right now,” Lexa said quietly. She rolled her eyes to the ceiling, not wanting to look at the woman in front of her. The woman who claimed to be her auctor, who said she was a viator, who had told her she could visit other worlds. The woman who told her Clarke Griffin was destined to be with her.

“I understand. I’ll see you in the office tomorrow,” Indra said gently. She tentatively reached her hand up towards Lexa but dropped it suddenly when Lexa flinched away. Indra smiled softly. “I’ll be here for you when you’re ready.”

—

Lexa stood in her shower, letting the hot water wash over her, scalding the day away. Her mind raced with disbelief. Her dreams weren’t dreams. They were glimpses of alternate universes. Universes where she died. Universes she could visit at will. Lexa didn’t want to believe it, but somehow, on some unspoken level, she knew it was all true.

Lexa turned off the water as it finally ran cold, and began her nightly routine. As she brushed her teeth her mind began to wander to Clarke. Her universe soulmate. Clarke. Clarke was her soulmate. Clarke. Shit, Clarke had emailed her. She never checked her email.

Toothbrush hanging from her mouth, all thoughts of alternate universes pushed aside, Lexa rummaged through her discarded clothes and found her phone. She swiped it open and found two unread email notifications. Lexa read the first email from Clarke.

 

_8:30 it is, then. I’ll see you bright and early._

 

_Clarke Griffin_

_Media Magician_

_Arkadia Creative_

 

The second, sent 10 minutes after the first, was also from Clarke. Lexa braced herself.

 

_Lexa Hayes,_

_In case you were wondering, my camera is just fine. Although, I may have to readjust my aperture before your shoot tomorrow as I’m sure your smile is stunningly bright._

_Clarke Griffin_

_Media Magician_

_Arkadia Creative_

 

The toothbrush fell from her mouth onto the floor. Did Clarke just flirt with her via email? Was that a cheesy photography pickup line? Lexa chuckled and smiled to herself. Soulmates. Maybe Indra was right about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I originally said Wednesday/Sunday updates but.... I'm so far ahead in the story I decided to go ahead and update 3x a week. That's a good thing, right?
> 
> Anyway, new update schedule is Sunday/Tuesday/Friday


	4. Can't Fight This Feeling

Lexa arrived at the office earlier than usual. She was surprised to see another car already parked in the normally vacant lot. The lights were already on, and the door was unlocked. Lexa pushed open the glass double doors and looked up.

“Good morning, Ms. Hayes,” Indra said with a smile on her face. “I took the liberty of opening the office this morning. Coffee is made too, so don’t worry about that.”

“Thanks,” Lexa said as she walked by. Indra gave her a wink, and she mustered up a small smile for the woman.

Lexa was actually grateful for the reprieve. The previous night had been a long one. She spent the majority of the night tossing and turning in bed as her mind raged over the events from the parking lot and Indra’s. Alternate universes? Viators? Auctors? Universal soulmates? It all sounded so made up and absurd.

When sleep finally took her, Lexa was right back in her vivid dreams. Her night began with her death, but mercifully, it ended on a more pleasant note. In her final dream of the night, Lexa and Clarke had written of [love letters](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4821995/chapters/11041622) to each other. Baskets full of love letters. Lexa liked to think she wasn’t a sap, but even she could admit that it was ridiculously romantic and wonderful.

Lexa reached her office and set her things down as she closed the door. She checked her watch, 8:15. She had fifteen minutes to prepare for her meeting with Clarke. Her heart immediately quickened with the thought. Clarke, the beautiful blonde from the bar, the woman who she was fairly certain shamelessly flirted with her via email. Her universal soulmate. Her universal soulmate?

_Shit!_

Lexa threw her office door open and raced to the front desk. Indra heard her clumsy approach and stood to meet her.

“Indra, Clarke is going to be here any minute,” Lexa whispered hastily.

“Ms. Hayes, she is already here. She’s setting up in the conference room to finish the headshots. What’s wrong?”

“I hopped the last time she touched me. What if that happens again? What if I can’t control it? What do I do?” Lexa rambled.

She couldn’t let Clarke think she was insane. Her palms began to sweat at the thought of the blonde woman looking at her like she was crazy. Lexa looked up at Indra, pleading her with her eyes. If there was any time for her so-called auctor to help guide her, this was it. She couldn’t embarrass herself in front of Clarke.

Indra must have sensed her panic and took pity on her. She grabbed Lexa’s wrist and guided her to the restroom locking the door behind them.

“Lexa, look at me. Relax. Breathe. You can control it. Steady your mind. Concentrate,” Indra soothed.

“But I’m not even sure I believe all this. How am I supposed to concentrate when I’m not sure it’s real?” Lexa sputtered.

“It sounds to me that you already know it’s real.”

Lexa shot her a dangerous look, but Indra only smiled before continuing. “Look, even if you do hop, Clarke will likely not notice. Just like last night. It will only look as if you lose focus for a moment. It will be alright. Take a minute. Steady yourself.”

Indra waited for only a second before turning to leave. As she walked through the doorframe, Lexa reached for her arm.

“Thank you,” she said, gently squeezing Indra’s forearm.

“You are my viator,” Indra said simply. Lexa saw a flicker of a smile on her face as she turned and left her alone in the restroom.

Lexa walked back over to the mirror and gripped the edges of the sink. She took in a long slow breath. She could do this. She could control her emotions. She was not weak. She glanced up at her reflection. A perfectly neutral, if not a little tired looking, face greeted her. She took one last steadying breath before running her fingers through her hair.

As she approached the conference room, a now familiar warm feeling swept over her. Home. She caught a glimpse of blonde hair through the floor to ceiling windows. Lexa paused with her hand on the door and watched Clarke gently reposition a large photography light. She watched her adjust the height of the tripod. She watched as the blonde woman’s shoulders stiffened, and she watched as Clarke’s head whipped around to face her.

_Fuck_.

She was caught staring. Desperate to conceal her creepy gaze, Lexa hurriedly opened the conference room doors and slipped in as if she had indeed just arrived.

“Hey, Ms. Hayes! Right on time,” Clarke greeted her with a genuine and gorgeous smile plastered on her face.

“I’m glad to see none of your equipment seems to be broken,” Lexa said flatly. She kept her excitement in check, her face neutral. She was determined to remain professional, to not let her emotions get the best of her.

“Yeah, I told you. I have a good bag. You ready to dazzle me?” Clarke beamed, ignoring Lexa’s cold demeanor.

Lexa hadn’t even heard the question. She had just noticed that Clarke had the most tantalizing beauty mark just above the corner of her mouth. A mouth with the softest lips. Lips that were twisting upwards in a questioning smirk. Lexa looked up at the blonde’s eyes. She was clearly waiting for a response.

“Pardon?” Lexa mustered.

“Are you ready to have your photo taken?” Clarke repeated, suppressing a chuckle.

“Yes,” Lexa said plainly. She was pleased her voice remained calm for her thoughts were anything but. She honestly wasn’t sure how she hadn’t blurted out her undying love for this woman in front of her yet. Just when Lexa was certain things couldn’t get any more difficult at the moment, she saw Clarke take a step towards her. Her breath hitched as Clarke reached her arm out.

“Good, this way,” Clarke grabbed Lexa’s forearm.

Lexa blinked. She was standing in a throne room, surrounded by dozens of men and women in front of her. The room was beautifully lit with hundreds of candles. She could smell the wax as it melted around her. Lexa looked in front of her as she heard the rumble of large double doors being opened. The doors revealed a truly heart-stopping image.

Clarke walked confidently towards her, her hair braided beautifully, her eyes framed in dark make-up. But that dress. That dress hugged Clarke in all the perfect places. She walked with such conviction that Lexa actually had to remind herself to breathe.

Clarke approached Lexa and stopped a few feet in front of her. She met her eyes. Lexa inhaled, staring greedily as Clarke dropped to her knees.

_Fuck_.

The sight of this woman on her knees in front of her was almost too much. Lexa could hear her heart pounding in her chest, and she was certain anyone around her could hear it as well.

“You okay?” Clarke stood before her, Lexa’s wrist still firmly in her hand. Lexa blinked a few times, trying to clear her mind of the other Clarke.

“What?” she finally muttered.

“Seriously, did you fall harder than it looked last night?” Clarke asked. Her eyes flicked back and forth over Lexa’s face, no doubt looking for any sign of head trauma.

“No. No, I’m fine, thank you,” Lexa said pulling her arm from Clarke’s grasp.

“Okay, but just so you know, I was pre-med before I switched to graphic design. You can’t bullshit an almost doctor.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Lexa said, allowing a small smile to peak from the corner of her mouth.

“Stand just there, on the mark,” Clarke gestured towards the small x she had taped to the floor. Lexa did as she was told, and Clarke took her own place behind the camera.

“Perfect. I’ve been letting all of your coworkers choose if they want to be smiling or stone-faced, so what will it be? I’m hoping you’ll lean one way, as I’m dying to catch a glimpse of your smile, but I have a feeling you’re going to disappoint me,” Clarke said with a smirk.

Lexa was having trouble concentrating on anything that Clarke was saying. Her mind kept wandering to the image of her kneeling before her. She parted her lips involuntarily at the thought. She bit her lip to stop the sigh before it left her mouth. She looked up at Clarke, who was clearly waiting for some answer. _Shit_. What did she ask?

“What?” Lexa asked, unable to remember what Clarke had just said.

“Are you always this eloquent? I guess it’s a good thing you work with numbers and not words,” Clarke teased. “You know, you look familiar.”

“I did nearly knock you down last night.”

“No, that’s not it. I’ve seen you somewhere else before.”

Lexa’s heart skipped a beat. Could it be possible that Clarke had the dreams too? Did she recognize her as a soulmate? Lexa felt the hope build inside her. Maybe she wasn’t alone.

“I’ve got it!” Clarke shouted suddenly. “You were at The Tower last Friday night. You were staring at me.”

Lexa’s heart plummeted. All hope that Clarke could travel to other universes, that she was not alone in this insane turn of events, evaporated into thin air. She did the only thing she could manage, she went on the defensive.

“I was not staring,” Lexa said defiantly. She was sure her tone could convey the lie, but the blush on her cheeks fooled no one.

“You were. I could feel it,” Clarke said nonchalantly as she adjusted something on her camera. “You had a uniform on? What sport do you play?”

“Indoor soccer.”

“Indoor soccer? Never heard of soccer being played indoor. Is it fun to watch? You any good?”

“It’s faster than outdoor. And I’m not bad,” Lexa answered truthfully. She began to feel her shoulders relax and the tension slowly leave her body.

“I bet you’re the best on your team,” Clarke said with a genuine smile. She looked back at her camera before continuing. “Okay, all set. You ready?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, here we go, on three. 3, 2, oh, hang on. You’ve got a strand of hair…”

Clarke stepped around the camera and reached her hand up to tuck a piece of hair behind Lexa’s ear. As she moved the out of place strand, her fingertips gently brushed Lexa’s cheek.

Lexa was kneeling before Clarke. The blue eyes looked directly into her own, asking an unspoken question. There were surprise and hesitation written all over Clarke’s face, but her eyes, her eyes softened with acceptance and trust. Lexa saw Clarke’s outstretched arm. She reached out, wrapping her fingers around Clarke’s warm, strong, hand. As their skin touched, Lexa felt as if a bolt of lightning shot straight through her body. It traveled from her fingers, up her arm and straight into the depths of her chest. Clarke pulled Lexa to her feet.

Lexa blinked. Clarke was staring at her, her hand still tucking her hair behind her ear. She looked as if she wanted to say something but instead backed away behind the camera.

“Okay, here we go.”

—

Lexa closed the door to her office. She breathed deeply with her eyes closed. She had managed to survive the photoshoot with Clarke. She only hopped twice, and while Clarke sensed something was off, Lexa still felt certain Clarke was flirting with her the whole time. She let the warm feeling engulf her. Clarke had flirted with her. Shamelessly. The knowledge of that was intoxicating, and Lexa rode that high for the rest of the workday.

As 6pm approached, Lexa wrapped up her tasks and closed down her office. She waved goodbye to Indra as she approached the exit. Still thrilled with the happiness high of Clarke, Lexa twirled around and walked back towards the receptionist desk. Indra looked up from her computer.

“Ms. Hayes, is there something I can help you with?”

“Yes,” she said keeping her voice calm and even. “I’d like to take you to dinner.”

Indra looked up questioningly.

Lexa lowered her voice to a whisper. “I think it’s time I got to know my auctor better.”

Indra nodded, barely containing the smile creeping from the corner of her mouth. The smile was contagious and Lexa allowed her stone wall to crack for a moment. She smirked back at the woman in front of her.

“Give me 5 minutes to close up here?”

“Take your time. Meet me at the diner across the street? The one next to the coffee shop?”

“Okay, I’ll see you soon.”

“Great,” Lexa said, “I’ll see you in a bit.”

She waved and made her way to the exit. Lexa hadn’t intended to meet with Indra that evening, in fact, she hadn’t been entirely sure she ever wanted to meet with her again after last night. But her words of reassurance this morning before her photoshoot had an eye-opening effect on Lexa. She truly believed everything Indra had told her. There was absolutely no doubt in her mind.

Over the course of the day, Lexa had thought about what she wanted. She wanted to get to know Clarke, and she couldn’t really do that if she hopped into an alternate universe every time the blonde touched her. Clarke already could sense something was off, so Lexa needed to learn how to control this. She needed to learn. She needed her auctor.

—

Lexa sat in a worn leather booth, waiting for Indra to arrive. The diner was familiar to her, she had picked up lunch for Nia here countless times over the years, but this was the first time she had actually sat down to eat. The leather bench was surprisingly comfortable, worn soft after years of patrons. Lexa sipped her water as she felt her phone vibrate. She had a text message.

**_Unknown_ ** _: Hey, hope you don’t mind, but I sorta begged the receptionist to give me your cell number. She actually caved quite easily. You all should probably rethink your privacy measures over there. Not that it’s her fault. I can be very persuasive if I need to be. But I didn’t in this case. I’m rambling. Sorry. Hi._

**_Lexa_ ** _: I think you have the wrong number._

**_Unknown_ ** _: Is this Lexa Hayes? Long brown hair, stoic, if not slightly intimidating face that is only betrayed by the softest, kindest green eyes I’ve ever seen?_

**_Lexa_ ** _: Who is this?_

**_Unknown_ ** _: Shit! Didn’t I say before? No? Right, I started rambling. That’s a bad habit of mine. It’s not as bad in person, but in text, I just let my thumbs start going and there’s no stopping them. See? Doing it again…_

**_Lexa_ ** _: Do I know you?_

**_Unknown_ ** _: Fuck, right. It’s Clarke. Clarke Griffin. Hi._

**_Lexa_ ** _: Hi._

**_Clarke_ ** _: So… Is it alright that I have your cell?_

“It’s Clarke, isn’t it?”

Lexa jumped in her seat, dropping her phone to the ground. Lexa cursed herself internally. She was alarmed by how easily Clarke could distract her from her surroundings. In the few times she had been near her, Lexa had lost her senses each and every time. She really needed to get a handle on this.

Indra chuckled quietly as she bent down to retrieve Lexa’s fallen phone.

“I didn’t mean to startle you. You were very involved in your texting there. I guess you didn’t hear me announce myself,” she said handing the phone over to Lexa.

“Sorry, thanks for meeting me here,” Lexa mumbled slipping her phone into her back pocket.

“Anytime. That was Clarke? Texting you?” Indra repeated, a smile creeping across her face.

“Yeah, you gave her my number?”

“I did,” Indra nodded. “Didn’t think you’d mind considering she’s your soulmate and all.” She winked at Lexa before taking a seat across from her.

“It’s fine,” Lexa said. She took another sip of her water, hoping the cold liquid would cool her currently flushing face.

“So… How did your photoshoot go?”

“I hopped twice.”

“You did? Did Clarke touch you again? Is that how it happened? Where’d you go? How long were you there? Did Clarke notice?”

Lexa held up her hands to slow her curious auctor down. She then regaled Indra with the details of her hops of the morning. When she finished, Indra slumped back in the booth. Her eyes were full of wonder and excitement.

“I, mean, wow,” she finally said. Lexa looked up at her expectantly. “It’s just so incredible to have found you. It’s thrilling.”

“I can see that. You’re eyes haven’t stopped smiling since last night,” Lexa admitted. She paused before continuing, “I actually have a few questions about all of this.”

“Of course you do. Fire away.”

Lexa inhaled. She had mentally prepared a list of questions for Indra on the walk over to the diner. She only hoped Indra had all the answers she so desired.

“Okay, well, first of all, when I’m there, in an alternate universe, should I follow the same sequence of events as my dreams? Do I need to follow the natural order? And if that’s the case, can I do everything that _that_ Lexa can do?”

“Most auctors agree that, yes, you should follow the established order of the universe. Tiny changes are bound to happen, but they are usually rectified when you hop back to reality.”

“What do you mean?”

“When you leave an alternate universe, it sort of… resets. As I said before, time is perceived completely differently in these universes. Everything that happens there has happened already. It’s how you can hop to the same universe at different times and it still makes sense.”

Lexa’s eyes twitched as she tried to comprehend what Indra was telling her. It didn’t entirely make sense. Everything that happens has already happened? What did that even mean? Lexa raised a questioning eyebrow at Indra. With that look, Indra grabbed a pen from her purse.

“Do you have a scrap of paper?” She asked Lexa. Lexa reached into her bag and pulled out a legal pad. Indra slid the paper over to her and began to draw.

“Okay, let’s say this is the timeline of a universe.” She drew a circle. “All of the events in this timeline have already been pre-determined. This is you.” Indra drew a small dot in the middle of the circle. “You can hop anywhere on this timeline.” She drew an arrow from the center dot to a point on the outer circle. “And you can hop back and forth to any point on this timeline seamlessly. Does that make sense?”

“Barely,” Lexa said. “But I suppose it helps to imagine it as a circle rather than a line. I can see where you’re going with this.”

“Good because that’s the best I can do. There are texts detailing all the metaphysical, ontological, and cosmological theories, but truthfully, I found them dull. Too much explanation for something that, in my opinion, doesn’t need it.”

Lexa shifted in her seat, soaking in all the information Indra was offering. It would be nice to read some of those eventually, but she had more pressing concerns at the moment.

“What about my abilities?” Lexa asked, changing the topic.

“Abilities?”

“Well, for example, the universe I keep going to, the source universe as you called it, I am a commander. In my dream I can wield two swords, throw a knife with lethal accuracy. I can fight.”

“Oh, I see. Yes, when you hop, you replace your other universe self. You will have the same knowledge, the same muscle memory, the same abilities.”

“And the same… injuries?”

“Yes,” Indra said carefully.

Lexa inhaled carefully through her nose. She straightened her posture and readied herself to ask the question that had been in the back of her mind ever since she had accepted that being a viator was real.

“And death?”

“Death?” Indra coaxed.

“In the source universe, I die from a gunshot wound. What happens if I hop there during that?”

“As far as we know, when you die while inhabiting your alternate self, you wake up in reality and the universe resets. Like the end of a movie jumping back to the menu screen.”

Lexa leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. She felt a small bit of tension leave her body with that knowledge. It would seem that she didn’t need to worry about accidentally dying in an alternate universe and die in reality.

—

Lexa arrived back at her house several hours later. The rest of dinner had consisted of Indra suggesting ways to strengthen her ability to hop. Exercises to perform, techniques to perfect. Her mind was so preoccupied with all this new information, she nearly missed the buzzing of her phone. Lexa swiped it open to see a new message from Clarke. Her heart skipped a beat as she read the text.

**_Clarke_ ** _: Sorry, I shouldn’t have intruded on your privacy. We can just forget that I stole your number from the receptionist. I promise I won’t contact you again._

**_Lexa_ ** _: What? No, it’s alright. It’s fine that you have my number._

**_Clarke_ ** _: Really? It’s just when you didn’t respond, I thought I scared you away. I have a tendency to come on strong. I generally don’t hesitate to go after something I want. A trait that has done wonders for my career, but sometimes not so much in social settings. Some people find it endearing, though. That and my tendency to ramble when I text a beautiful woman._

**_Lexa_ ** _: I think it’s charming._

**_Clarke_ ** _: What are you doing tomorrow night?_

**_Lexa_ ** _: I have a game tomorrow._

**_Clarke_ ** _: What time?_

**_Lexa_ ** _: 7pm_

**_Clarke_ ** _: How long is the game? Are you free after?_

**_Lexa_ ** _: It should be over by 8:15._

**_Clarke_ ** _: Good! Because I was ‘accounting’ on buying you a drink. Meet me after, 8:45, The Tower?_

**_Lexa_ ** _: That was a horrible CPA pun._

**_Clarke_ ** _: No way, it was brilliant. So I’ll see you tomorrow? I promise I’ll be a perfect gentlewoman. I’ll keep everything ‘above the line.’_

**_Lexa_ ** _: Please stop._

**_Clarke_ ** _: Only if you say yes. I want to get to know you and see your nice ‘assets.’_

**_Lexa_ ** _: Okay, yes! I’ll be there tomorrow night. Now please stop the puns._

Lexa smiled at her phone. She had a date with Clarke after her game tomorrow. 8:45, that didn’t leave enough time to change or anything. She quickly typed out another text.

**_Lexa_ ** _: But 8:45 doesn’t give me enough time to shower or change._

**_Clarke_ ** _: Don’t worry about it. You look good in uniform._

**_Lexa_ ** _: Run out of punny jokes?_

**_Clarke_ ** _: I promised I’d stop when you said yes. I’m a woman of my word. I’ll see you tomorrow night, Lexa. Goodnight_

**_Lexa_ ** _: Goodnight._

Lexa put her phone back in her pocket. Once she was certain her phone was out of danger, she thrust her fist in the air and did what can only be described as the most ridiculously happy victory dance in the history of the world. She was going for drinks with Clarke tomorrow. Her dream woman, her soulmate. Her Clarke.

Still giddy from the text conversation, Lexa set her alarm for an hour earlier than usual. She needed to begin her viator exercises before work. She had a date with Clarke after all. A date. Fuck, yes.

Lexa tried to relax and find sleep, but the pain in her cheeks from the enormous grin still plastered on her face was distracting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU referenced in Chapter Four
> 
> Strangers Don't Write (Love) Letters by rochke11


	5. Something About You

Lexa rechecked her soccer bag before running out the door. Her uniform, shorts, socks, sports bra, boots, sleeves, and shin guards all sat neatly in the drawstring bag. Her viator exercises had taken a little longer than she planned for and she was running a few minutes behind. The exercises themselves had been on all accounts a success.

Lexa had successfully hopped into the universe of her choice, the one where she was captain of her [college soccer](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6346363/chapters/14539186) team and Clarke was the new freshman. She thought it fitting considering she had a game that evening. She had hopped 3 times to the place she wanted and hopped back to reality when she wanted. It was a triumph, and she was high on her success as she drove to work.

Even though she was late leaving her home, she was still early to the office. The parking lot was empty save for one car. One car that Lexa recognized immediately. What was she doing here at this hour? Lexa braced herself as she walked through the unlocked office doors.

She was immediately met with ice blue eyes glaring at her.

“Lexa, dear, where have you been?”

“Sorry, I was running a few minutes behind, but no one’s here yet. I can still get the office ready-”

Nia held up her hands, silencing Lexa.

“You’ve been slacking this week. Don’t think I didn’t notice your distracted behavior these past few days and your absence yesterday morning as well.”

“Ms. Kalland, I-”

“I expect more from you.”

Lexa was painfully aware that she was the only person in the office with Nia. There were no other witnesses. It was a dangerous predicament to be in. She steadied her mind and curbed the instinct to shake. Lexa’s mind flashed to her other self. The strong, powerful leader who bowed to no one. She knew she possessed those same characteristics, and she summoned the courage to finally stand up to Nia.

“More from me? I am the most requested CPA in your office. I arrive early every morning to make sure the office is ready for the day. And that is not even in my job description. I do it for you,” she said, her voice hard and sure.

“Yes, you do. And you will continue to do so, without protest or slip-ups from now on,” Nia stated. She leaned in close. Lexa could feel her hot breath on her neck, she could smell the alcohol, slightly masked by the smell of coffee, as she whispered threateningly in her ear, “Need I remind you how you killed my daughter? Need I remind you how I saved you?”

Lexa’s face and shoulders fell instantly. _Costia_.

“No reminder is necessary,” Lexa replied. Though her shoulders slumped in defeat, she kept her steady gaze on Nia.

“Good, now, I will be out of the office for the remainder of the week. In my absence, I expect you to bring our new associate up to speed.”

“New associate?”

“Ontari, dear, come say hello to Ms. Hayes.”

Lexa looked behind her as the office doors opened. A small brunette with dangerous eyes sauntered in. Ontari Fucking Veri.

Lexa hadn’t seen the woman since college. They had grown up together, gone to the same schools, but were anything but friends. Ontari took it upon herself to try and outshine or undermine Lexa at every turn. She was cruel and ruthless and didn’t care who she stepped on to get what she wanted. And Lexa hated her.

“Hayes, so nice to see you again. It’s been ages.” Ontari greeted her with a false smile.

“What are you doing here?” Lexa asked, not even bothering to reciprocate the charade of decency.

“Surely you remember? My mother and Ms. Kalland are old friends. When Nia found out I recently got my certification, she graciously offered me a position with The Kalland Group.”

“Ms. Veri shows great potential. Perhaps you can include her on your current assignment? Show her how we do things at The Kalland Group?”

Although Nia had asked a question, the tone of her voice indicated it was not a request. Lexa considered quitting on the spot. She would have liked to do so, but she knew Nia could ruin her if she did. Lexa swallowed the anger bubbling up inside her before responding.

“My pleasure.”

“Good,” Nia said before turning to Ontari. “Ms. Veri, I’m pleased to have you here. Do keep me appraised of your training, and feel free to let me know if you find Ms. Hayes’ guidance lacking in any way.”

Lexa fought the urge to roll her eyes as she watched Ontari hug Nia goodbye.

—

The rest of the morning was spent in frustrating silence. With Nia gone, all false pleasantries faded, and Lexa and Ontari communicated in simple questions and one-word answers.

Their training was frequently interrupted by the buzzing of Lexa’s phone. Although curious to see who was trying to get a hold of her, Lexa merely left the phone, face down on her desk. The constant vibrations seemed to annoy Ontari more than her, and Lexa took a sick thrill in irritating the woman.

After several hours, Ontari snapped and grabbed the phone, peering at the screen. Lexa reached her arm out trying to grab the phone back, but Ontari anticipated her action too quickly.

“So who’s Clarke? Never thought you would switch teams.”

“It’s none of your business,” Lexa snarled, finally managing to grab her phone from Ontari. She spared her no glance as she marched out of her office and into the restroom. She locked the door behind her and turned on the faucet letting the water warm slightly before splashing a handful on her face.

Lexa took a moment to steady herself before drying her hands and face. She was actually pleasantly surprised it had taken this long to have any reaction at all to Ontari. Growing up, their confrontations came swiftly and often.

Lexa pulled out her phone to see 11 unread text messages from Clarke. She panicked for a moment, sure something was wrong. Why else would she have so many messages this morning? Her panic died as soon as she read the messages.

**_Clarke (8:17am)_ ** _: Good morning!_

**_(8:23am)_ ** _How are you?_

**_(9:16am)_ ** _I hope you are busy entering numbers on spreadsheets and not trying to avoid a certain blonde graphic designer._

**_(10:21am)_ ** _It’s a slow day over here, and I can’t get that little half smirk of yours out of my mind. And all my work seems to have this beautiful shade of green creeping in. Wonder why that is? Wanna grab a coffee? There’s a coffee shop right across from your office, I think?_

**_(11:39am)_ ** _Okay, no coffee. Lunch? Please? I can’t wait until tonight._

**_(11:45am)_ ** _I’m going to start spewing punniful food-themed lines at you if you don’t answer me soon…_

**_(11:47am)_ ** _I think we’d make a cute pear._

**_(11:50am)_ ** _You make my heart skip a beet._

**_(11:52am)_ ** _This may be cheesy, but I think you’re grate._

**_(11:55am)_ ** _I think we could be mint to be._

**_(12:07pm)_ ** _Okay, that’s it, Hayes! No one resists my witty banter. I’m coming over to your office to make sure you’re alive!_

Lexa checked her watch. It was 12:30. Shit, Clarke was most likely on her way here already. She quickly typed out a response.

**_Lexa_ ** _: Hey, sorry, I’m sure you’re already here or close, but I’m alive. I didn’t mean to ignore you. My boss dropped a new hire in my lap today. I’ve been training her all morning._

She took a final glance at herself in the mirror before leaving the restroom. Lexa deliberately took the long way back to her office, not in any hurry to return to Ontari. At least she had the arrival of Clarke to look forward to. The roundabout way took her by the receptionist desk. Lexa subconsciously decided to stop by the front desk and tell Indra about her successful training this morning.

Lexa turned the corner and felt a tightening of her chest. Rage boiled up from the pit of her stomach. Clarke had indeed arrived already. Ontari was standing in front of her, her hand resting on Clarke’s bicep, both women laughing heartily. Frozen in place, Lexa watched as Ontari’s hand squeezed Clarke’s arm and then slid slowly, too slowly, down the length of Clarke’s arm before resting at her own side. Lexa had never felt this jealous in all her life. She strode up to the front desk, face impassive, but eyes on fire.

“Clarke,” Lexa said cooly.

“Lexa! You’re alive!” Clarke beamed at her as she reached for a hug.

Lexa braced herself, she tried to relax, to calm her emotions, to control the surge of power she knew was inevitable as Clarke’s skin came into contact with hers. But all Lexa could think about was how Ontari had made Clarke laugh. How Ontari had touched Clarke.

Lexa was standing in a bedroom. She could feel the weight of a shoulder guard on her left arm. Clarke’s face was inches from her own. She felt a strong grasp on the back of her neck. She felt the cool sharp blade dig into her throat. Clarke’s eyes bore into her own. Her lips trembled as she firmly held the knife to Lexa.

Lexa took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

Lexa backed away from the warm embrace and smiled at Clarke. She spared a glance over her shoulder at Indra who gave her the slightest of nods. Lexa released her breath, knowing that she had successfully brought herself back from the hop and no one was the wiser. She was even certain Clarke hadn’t noticed this time.

“Lunch?” she asked, pulling away completely from Clarke.

“Finally, yes! Let’s go,” Clarke said. Lexa steadied her mind and extended her hand to Clarke. Clarke looked down and intertwined their fingers. Lexa smiled as she remained in this world. She turned to Ontari.

“I’m taking an hour for lunch. I suggest you do the same.”

Ontari didn’t say a word. As Lexa led Clarke to the front door, she looked back one final time to see a small twitch on Ontari’s face. It was minuscule, hardly noticeable, but it sent a shiver up Lexa’s spine.

“So I have you for an hour?” Clarke asked.

“Yes,” Lexa said, turning her attention back to the blonde.

“Well, we better make good use of that. Is there a good place nearby?”

“There’s a diner across the street,” Lexa offered.

“Sounds perfect.”

—

Lexa sat across from Clarke in the diner, waiting for their meal to arrive. Their conversation up to that point had been simple pleasantries, but Lexa found it easy. Easier than talking to anyone else in her life.

“So you mentioned yesterday that you were pre-med before switching to graphic design. That seems to be quite the 180.”

“Yeah, well, my mom is a doctor, a damn good one at that. And I always admired her and her work growing up. I was good at it, too. It came easy. But it’s not a passion, and I refuse to spend my life doing something just because I’m good at it.”

Lexa felt the drop of embarrassment in her stomach. She herself was stuck at a job that she did merely because she was good at it. Lexa inwardly admonished herself for not trying to pursue something she truly loved.

“Did you always want a career in accounting?” Clarke asked her curiously.

“Not exactly,” Lexa admitted.

“What is your passion then?”

Lexa honestly didn’t know. With Nia’s help, she had been on the path of a CPA since she was 18. She never really needed to figure out what she truly loved, what made her truly happy. Lexa did not want to admit all that during the first real conversation with Clarke, so she did her best to deflect.

“So, um, what’s with your obsession with puns?” Lexa asked.

Lexa could see that Clarke knew she was deliberately avoiding the previous question and was grateful when Clarke allowed her to do so.

“It’s not an obsession, really. They’re just good icebreakers.”

“But they’re so bad…” Lexa goaded.

“They got you talking and here with me, so… I regret nothing,” Clarke said with a wicked smile.

—

The rest of lunch went well. No, not well. It was fantastic. Clarke was everything Lexa knew she was and more. The feeling of finally seeing her in person, of hearing her voice, being in such close proximity to her was beyond anything Lexa could imagine.

As they crossed the street back to The Kalland Group, hand in hand, Clarke inched closer and closer to Lexa. Their shoulders brushed. Lexa inhaled sharply as she felt the pull of a hop, but she quickly focused her mind. She smiled to herself. She was really getting a handle on this.

“It’s such a beautiful day,” Clarke commented breathily. Her husky voice sent a shiver (the good kind) down Lexa’s spine. She hummed in agreement.

“I wish I had brought my baby to work today. She loves this kind of weather,” Clarke stated wistfully.

Wait, what? Lexa’s heart skipped a beat. Baby? Clarke had a baby? Lexa did her best to take a steadying breath before responding. It was okay. Clarke was a grown woman with a past. So she was a mother, no big deal. She was still the most intelligent, beautiful, kind, and funny person Lexa had ever met. Having a baby didn’t change any of that.

“How old is your baby?” She finally asked, sparing a glance over at the blonde.

Clarke smiled wickedly back at her. Her eyes twinkled mischievously as she spoke, “I’ve had her for two years. She’s been the love of my life since the moment I first laid eyes on her.”

Lexa swallowed nervously, “What’s her name?”

“Iris.”

“Iris, messenger of the gods. Personified by a rainbow, connected the sky to the earth. Beautiful name,” Lexa smiled at her. “I hope to meet her one day.”

Clarke paused in her tracks. _Fuck_. That was too presumptuous. She hadn’t even gone on a real date with the woman and here she was declaring her desire to meet her daughter. Lexa’s shoulders slumped in mortification. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean presume. I know we just met-”

“It’s fine. You can borrow one of my jackets when I introduce you,” Clarke smirked.

Jackets? What? Realization dawned on Lexa’s face as Clarke continued to speak finally putting Lexa out of her misery. “She really is gorgeous. Electric blue paint, chrome accents. She’s usually set up for just me, but my mechanic friend can add a rear seat anytime I want,” Clarke smiled.

Lexa released a nervous chuckle. Clarke owned a motorcycle. A fucking motorcycle, not a tiny human. She had been teasing her on purpose.

“You don’t look like someone who would own a motorcycle,” Lexa said as she tugged on Clarke’s hand, encouraging her to continue their walk.

“Looks can be deceiving, you know?”

“I do. I mean, you looked like this trustworthy woman with your soft blue eyes, and yet here you are, intentionally leading me to believe you were a mother to a small child, just to make me squirm,” Lexa teased.

Clarke stopped again. She tugged on Lexa’s hand, forcing her to face her. Clarke stared pointedly into Lexa’s eyes, her voice on the edge of harsh, “Do you have a problem with single mothers?”

Lexa faltered, “What? No. Of course not. I just-”

Clarke let out a short breathy laugh, “You really make it too easy, Hayes.” She shook her head and continued walking to The Kalland Group. “Anyway, I’d love to take you out on my bike one of these days.”

Lexa sighed in relief once again. She really needed to relax. “Only if I get to drive at some point too.”

“You know how?” Clarke asked curiously.

Lexa nodded, “I had a bike in college. Sold it though when my mentor mentioned it wasn’t practical.” Lexa loved that dark green Harley. She was so proud the day she bought it for herself. Years of working after school and between classes, saving every penny she could until that bike was hers. And then Nia found out and convinced her that it wasn’t a good investment. Lexa sold the bike the following week. She shook her head, “God, I miss Terra.”

“Terra, Roman goddess of the earth. Cool name,” Clarke smirked.

—

Lexa let Clarke guide her to her car. She stood awkwardly as Clarke opened the door and tossed her purse inside. She felt the heat rise in her cheeks. Why was this so awkward? She was almost 30 fucking years old. She shouldn’t be feeling like a lovesick teenager anymore. It was beyond embarrassing. Clarke seemed to notice her discomfort and smiled as she pulled Lexa in for a hug, wrapping her arms around Lexa’s neck.

“Thanks for going to lunch with me,” she whispered into Lexa’s ear. “And for not freaking out over my persistent pursuit of you.”

“Not a problem,” Lexa said back.

Clarke pulled back from their embrace but kept her hands around of Lexa’s neck. Lexa’s heart began to quicken, her throat went dry. Clarke began to lean forward. Lexa began to panic.

Clarke was going to kiss her. In reality. Lexa had kissed Clarke countless times in her dreams. She even kissed Clarke in the alternate universe the other day. But still, the thought of actually kissing Clarke in this universe, in this reality, was terrifyingly thrilling. Lexa involuntarily parted her lips. Clarke paused for a split second and smiled before she gently pressed a kiss to Lexa’s cheek.

Lexa exhaled and smiled back. Though she wanted to kiss Clarke more than anything, it wasn’t the time. Clarke knew that, too.

“I’ll see you tonight. 8:45, right?” Clarke said climbing into her car. She started the car and rolled down the window waiting for Lexa’s response.

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” Lexa said grinning like a fool.

“Ah, I knew it. Stunningly bright,” Clarke said echoing her email from two days ago.

Lexa blushed furiously red as she stood there, watching Clarke’s car drive off down the road and out of sight.

—

Lexa walked through the glass double doors back into the office. She walked past Indra who gave her a questioning look. Lexa kept her face impassive as she gave her auctor a small wink. Indra smiled in return. Lexa breathed deeply, steadying her mind and trying to push all thoughts of Clarke to the back. She still had to finish this work day out with Ontari.

Ontari.

Ontari who looked to be trying to flirt with Clarke earlier today. Lexa’s blood began to boil at the memory. She reached her office and opened the door, expecting to see the other brunette waiting for her. She was mistaken. Ontari had not returned from lunch, and Lexa was relieved.

She sat at her desk and responded to a few emails and waited for Ontari to return. She did a few minutes later.

“You’re late,” Lexa stated, not looking up from her computer.

“I was on an important phone call.”

“With whom?”

“‘It’s none of your business.’ Was that it? Did I get the voice inflection right?” Ontari sassed.

Lexa glared at her, knowing that Ontari was trying to get under her skin. She would not give her the satisfaction.

“Clarke is not at all what I expected,” Ontari added.

_Fuck_.

Lexa froze as she felt the anger begin to rise from her chest. She felt her body heat in fury. It took all of her energy and focus to not stoop to respond to Ontari.

“I think I may have to reconsider my sexual orientation. I mean, she’s hot. Did you see the way her shirt-“

“Ontari,” Lexa snapped, the rage barely contained. Clarke was the one topic Lexa was not used to. It sparked an unavoidable pang in her chest. It took all of her willpower, all of her strength to not give in to Ontari’s jabs.

“We have work to do,” Lexa finally bit out.

Ontari shrugged and took her seat next to Lexa, never dropping the shit-eating grin from her face.

—

As 6pm finally rolled around, Lexa wasted no time shutting down her computer and office and bidding Ontari a curt farewell. She didn’t even bother changing into her soccer gear before leaving, she’d do that at the soccer center. She just needed to leave.

She got into her car and immediately turned her 80’s playlist on shuffle. A familiar tune filled the car as she drove to her game.The song was an amazing collaboration of classic rock gods, and she found herself thinking about all the poor souls who truly believed that the amazing bass riff was from a cheesy 90’s one hit wonder. She felt her body relax with the melody and the thought that she would soon be able to vent her frustrations on the field.

—

Lexa sat by a few of her teammates by the bench, waiting for the rest of the team to show up. She felt a strong hand wrap around her bicep and pull up. She twirled around furiously and pulled herself from the tight grip.

“What the fuck!?!” she exclaimed looking up at the sharp features of her captain. “Anya? Seriously, what the hell?”

“You can’t just text me out of the blue that your hot blonde is in your office and then ignore me for two days. Two days, Lexa! Spill! I need to live vicariously through your hopeless gay ass.”

“Shit, seriously?”

Anya cocked an eyebrow at her, arms crossed.

“We had lunch today, and I’m meeting her for drinks after the game,” Lexa relented. She figured it was better to be honest than have Anya hounding her the rest of the game.

“Fuck, yeah, Hayes!” she said punching Lexa in the arm. “I knew you had it in you. Where are you meeting tonight?”

“Nope, no. You’re not coming.”

“You bet your fine ass I am!” Anya shouted. She turned to the rest of the team. “Ladies, drinks at The Tower after we win. First round on me.”

“How’d you know we were meeting at The Tower?”

“I didn’t, but I do now.”

“Fuck,” Lexa said rolling her eyes.

“Relax, Hayes. I’m not going to interfere. Much. I’m just going to be there to make sure you don’t fuck it up. You deserve a decent date, and lord knows you need to get laid. I’ll be there to make sure it happens.”

“Jesus, Anya, could you not?”

Before Anya could shoot back whatever snarky response she had ready, the scoreboard buzzed loudly indicating it was their turn to take the field. Grateful for the reprieve, Lexa sprinted onto the field and started her warm up.

—

The game was brutal. The Grounders barely squeaked by with a win 5-4. Lexa felt good. A well-fought battle, complete with war wounds, had a way of lifting her spirits. She sat on a bench as she slid down her socks and removed her shinguards. She made her way to the restroom to at least wash her face before heading to The Tower to meet Clarke. Her pulse quickened with the thought of the blonde.

After splashing water on her face, she did her best to clean up the bleeding turf burn on the outside of her left leg, just below her knee. Slide tackling while playing indoor was illegal, but it hadn’t stopped that opponent from fouling her. Lexa smirked to herself. She made the other team suffer for it. She just so happened to score the game-winning goal from the resulting penalty shot.

She made her way to her car and her shoulders dropped when she heard the loud voice of her captain ring through the air.

“Hayes! Ready to get laid?” Anya shouted from her car. “See you at The Tower!” She added as her car pulled out from the parking lot.

Lexa sighed as she got in her own car. She hoped Anya didn’t embarrass her too much in front of Clarke. Lexa was more than capable of doing that without any help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess the inspiration bug bit me. I'm pretty much done with this fic, so you lovely readers will be getting 2 chapters per update!
> 
>  
> 
> AU referenced in Chapter Five
> 
> Waiting for Love to Strike by JLaw1105


	6. Take My Breath Away

Clarke was already at the bar when Lexa arrived. Wednesdays were not particularly busy at The Tower, and it hadn’t taken very long to spot the beautiful blonde in a corner booth near the back. Her back was to Lexa, but she could see that Clarke had changed clothes and let her hair down. Even from behind, she was the most striking thing she’d ever seen. She began to weave through the few bar patrons towards Clarke when her path was suddenly blocked by a large muscular body.

“Hayes! Anya said you needed this,” Gustus said shoving a shot glass full of a disgustingly pink drink into her hand. He pointed towards the bar, and Lexa’s gaze followed his gesture. Anya sat at the bar along with most of her teammates. She rolled her eyes. How did everyone beat her here? As if reading her mind, Gustus spoke again. “You drive like a grandma.”

Lexa ignored the jab and brought the glass up to her nose to smell it. It smelled sweet and bitter at the same time. Beer, maybe? Lemons?

“What the hell is this?” she finally asked.

“Pink panty dropper,” Gustus said with a shrug.

Lexa’s eyes rolled to the ceiling. She turned back to the bar and saw Anya glare at her. She raised her own shot glass to her mouth. Lexa could not hear what Anya said over the noise of the bar, but she didn’t need to. Anya was quite animated, and Lexa could easily read her lips. _“Drink it, bitch.”_

She complied and felt the familiar burn as the alcohol slid down her throat. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, Anya was probably right. The brief moment it took to drink the shot effectively calmed her. She waved her empty glass to Anya who gave her a small nod and wink before looking back over to Clarke.

“Knock her dead, kid,” Gustus said with a smile. He took her empty shot glass and pushed her forward.

_“I’m not a kid_ ,” is what she was about to shout to Gustus over her shoulder, but the playful shove he gave her turned out to be a little harder than either of them expected. Lexa lunged forward, losing her balance, and crashed into the table Clarke was sitting at. Lexa’s hands flew across the table, in an unsuccessful attempt to stabilize herself. She heard the clink of glasses falling and looked up to see Clarke’s eyes widen in surprise.

“Fuck, sorry, shit,” Lexa grimaced.

“Are you okay?” Clarke sputtered. Lexa saw worry spread across her face. She quickly righted herself and nodded.

“I’m fine, I’m alright,” Lexa grunted.

Clarke bit her lip, trying to read any sign of pain or discomfort on Lexa’s face. She must not have seen anything because she quickly grabbed a few napkins and busied herself with sopping up the spilt alcohol.

While Clarke was distracted, Lexa glanced over at the bar to see shock on Gustus’ face and Anya shaking her head held in her hands. Lexa internally groaned. This date had started off spectacularly.

“You know, I wasn’t sure if you were interested in me at first, but I think it’s pretty clear now. You can’t help but fall for me.”

Lexa straightened herself and looked down at Clarke, a bewildered look on her face. Clarke’s eyes sparkled as she cracked a smile. Lexa couldn’t help but chuckle back.

“Your lines really are ridiculous, Clarke.”

“Maybe, but you can’t fault me when they always seem to get a smile from you,” Clarke teased as she stood up to greet Lexa. She opened her arms and quickly closed the distance for a hug. Lexa felt the surge of power, but she didn’t hop. She instead leaned in and inhaled the lovely scent of Clarke’s perfume on her neck. Lexa relaxed instantly. The knowledge that she had her abilities and emotions under control soothed her. She finally felt like she could be on a date with Clarke and hopefully not be a total wreck.

She suddenly felt Clarke pull away and sit down. Lexa followed her lead and sat in front of her.

“So, how was your game?”

“Tough, but we won,” Lexa said nonchalantly.

“Congrats, what was the score?”

“5-4. I scored the winning goal,” Lexa answered. She wasn’t one to brag, but this was Clarke sitting in front of her, and she had an overwhelming desire to impress her. Plus she had a lot to make up for considering her less than graceful greeting tonight.

“Whoa, look at you, you little soccer star,” Clarke teased. Her eyes stared at Lexa for more than a moment. Lexa was about to break the growing tension when Clarke spoke again. “Alright, I just have to say it. You look so damn sexy right now. Your hair pulled back, that uniform, those shorts. I mean, seriously, sexy.”

Lexa’s face flushed red. “Thanks, I mean, you look… you look fantastic. I like your shirt.”

Lexa’s eyes flicked down from Clarke’s eyes to the tastefully tempting number of unbuttoned buttons on Clarke’s flannel. Her gaze lingered a moment too long and she popped up to meet Clarke’s eyes once more. Too late. _Fuck_. Clarke caught her staring at her cleavage. Lexa’s mouth dropped open as her mind raced to find the words to change the topic.

Luckily for her, Gustus appeared, saving her ass and holding two pints of beer.

“Hey, Lexa. Lexa’s girlfriend,” he said nodding towards Clarke. _Fuck, so much for saving her ass._

“She’s not my girlfriend, Gus,” Lexa said quickly, doing her best to hide the embarrassment creeping up on her face.

“Oh, right. Here,” he said placing a beer in front of each of them. “Apology beer.”

“Apology beer?” Clarke asked, raising an eyebrow in question at him.

“Yeah, I may have shoved Lexa here a little harder than I intended and caused her to crash into your table. She’s usually not that uncoordinated. She’s actually one of the best players on the team. Did she tell you she scored the game-winning goal tonight? Brilliant pk. Truly, the stuff of legends. She’s a defender, but she could easily play any position on the field. She could even take my spot as keeper if she wanted. She’s actually really great. Probably has something to do with having good hands, nice long fingers help-”

“Okay, Gustus! We get it. Thanks, bye now,” Lexa nearly shouted waving Gustus away. _For fuck’s sake_. This had to be the single most embarrassing date she had ever been on.

Clarke looked up at her, barely containing the chuckle Lexa could clearly see bubbling up.

“Sorry,” Lexa mumbled.

Clarke couldn’t suppress her amusement any longer. Her laugh filled the booth they were sitting in. It was hearty and warm and lovely. Lexa felt her anxiety and embarrassment wash away as she joined in. It was cathartic. All tension left Lexa’s body, and she truly felt at ease.

—

Two beers and another pink panty dropper later, Lexa and Clarke stood just outside of the bar, waiting for their ride share to pick them up.

“I had a great time tonight,” Clarke whispered in Lexa’s ear, leaning in with both hands wrapped around Lexa’s bicep.

“Me too, I haven’t been on a date in a while. I was so nervous, but this was better than anything I ever imagined,” Lexa said, the alcohol making her brave and honest.

“So does that mean I get a second date?”

“I think that’s a fair assumption.”

“So proper, oh, here’s the car. I guess this is goodnight,” sighed Clarke.

“Not quite,” Lexa said. Clarke raised an eyebrow at her, the surprise spreading across her face quickly turned into a coy smile. “No, not that, I mean, I like you, but, not that, not that it wouldn’t be nice. Not nice. I mean, ugh, I look, I’m taking you home. I’m getting in that car with you, riding with you to your house, walking you to the door and saying goodnight. I want to make sure you get home safely,” Lexa said taking a deep breath and exhaling loudly.

She grabbed Clarke’s hand before the blonde could retort and opened the car door for her. Lexa scooted in next to her and closed the door a little too forcefully. She flinched and turned to Clarke before muttering a quiet apology to the driver.

“You’re cute when you’re flustered,” Clarke grinned.

“I’m glad you think so because I seem to be in a constant state of nervousness around you.”

Clarke winked at her as a devilish smile crept across her face. Lexa felt the heat build from her stomach. She wanted to lean towards her, wrap her fingers around the back of her neck and kiss her deeply. She wanted to taste her. Lexa bit her lip in frustration and decided to change the subject.

“Where is home?” she asked.

“Not far. I have an apartment about ten minutes from here.”

“Roommates?”

“Nope, just me. How about you?”

“I actually live just around the corner there,” Lexa said motioning toward a street as they drove past.

“Wow, we’re practically neighbors!” Clark beamed.

“I wouldn’t quite say that, but yeah, not far, I guess,” Lexa smirked back.

“Roommates for you?”

“No, I bought the house on my own, and I absolutely love it.”

“A house? Wow, impressive. I can’t wait to see it. Shit. Sorry. That was forward. God, that was awkward. And I’m making it weird. Is it weird now? Fuck. I definitely made it weird.”

Lexa couldn’t wipe the grin off her face. Clarke most certainly did not make it weird. She only made it perfect. Lexa was beyond thrilled to hear that she made the blonde as nervous as she felt around her.

“It’s not weird.”

“I’m usually not this tipsy after that few drinks. What the fuck was in that pink panty dropper?” Clarke grimaced.

“No idea,” Lexa chuckled. She’d have to remember to ask Anya what was in that drink the next time she saw her.

Lexa looked down and noticed how close their hands were on the seat between them. She slowly brushed a finger over one of Clarke’s knuckles. Her breath hitched in her throat as she felt the power surge through her. She contained it and covered Clarke’s hand fully with her own. She saw the small smile on the corner of Clarke’s mouth, and her mind immediately wandered to what it would feel like to press her lips to that little corner.

“Here we are,” the deep voice of the driver rudely interrupted her thoughts.

“You don’t have to walk me to the door, you know,” Clarke murmured.

“Nonsense, I’m walking you all the way,” Lexa said simply. With that, she hopped out of the car quickly and grabbed Clarke’s door before the blonde could open it. Lexa offered her hand and helped her out of the car.

“So chivalrous. I thought I was supposed to be the gentlewoman tonight? Lexa!” Clarke shouted as she stood from the car.

“What!?!” Lexa exclaimed.

Clarke closed the door and quickly pulled her into the apartment building.

“What is it, Clarke?” Lexa repeated.

“Your leg.”

“My leg? Oh, right, my leg,” Lexa said, remembering the foul from the soccer game.

“You didn’t tell me you got hurt at your game!”

“It’s no big deal. Besides, I told you I scored the winning goal off a pk. You only get a pk when you get fouled.”

“Lexa, it’s bleeding!” Clarke shouted. Lexa was surprised to see genuine concern and worry sweep Clarke’s face.

“It’s nothing, I promise. Doesn’t even hurt.” Lexa did her best to ease Clarke’s worry. It really wasn’t anything to get worked up over. She pretty much constantly had some degree of healing turf burn or bruise on her legs at all times. Par for the course when you played indoor soccer.

“At least let me clean that for you,” Clarke pleaded.

“Clarke, it’s just a turf burn.”

“A turf burn that’s bleeding into your sock. This is me. I have stuff inside.”

Lexa looked up surprised to see that Clarke had already led her to her apartment. She took her keys from her purse and unlocked the door. Lexa stood in the threshold as Clarke made her way into her home.

“I won’t take no for an answer,” Clarke said firmly.

“Fine,” Lexa relented, finally making her way into Clarke’s apartment.

Clarke gestured towards her couch before she disappeared down a hallway. Lexa sat and examined Clarke’s apartment. It was warm and inviting, lit by little lamps rather than the standard overhead light. There were dozens of drawings pinned to the wall, mostly landscapes and trees. A small picture sitting on the table next to her caught her attention. She leaned over to get a better look at the drawing still bound in a sketchbook. Lexa reached out to turn the book towards her when Clarke’s voice startled her.

“That’s not done yet,” she said quickly closing the book before Lexa could get a better look. “You ready?”

“Mhmm, although I still maintain that this isn’t necessary.”

Clarke didn’t reply as she knelt in front of Lexa. She gently lifted Lexa’s leg and rested it on the coffee table in front of her. Clarke carefully slid her tall sock down to her ankle and placed a towel on the floor beneath the raised leg. She uncapped a bottle Lexa recognized as hydrogen peroxide.

“Okay, this might sting a little.”

Clarke quickly poured a fair amount of the liquid over Lexa’s injury. It stung as it bubbled on the wound, but Lexa maintained her impassive face. Clarke gently wiped away the excess liquid and applied some antibacterial ointment before expertly bandaging the burn. Clarke leaned down and pressed a small kiss to the newly dressed wound.

“All better,” she said before gathering the first aid supplies in a pile on the table. Clarke sat next to Lexa, so close all it would take was the tiniest movement and they would be touching. Lexa felt the surge of the warm comforting feeling swell around her. This felt so right, so simple, so normal.

She had been falling in love with different versions of Clarke for years. Sometimes it was tragic, sometimes it was wonderful. Lexa had seen so many sides to Clarke, so many different personalities, but underneath it all, she was always the same beautiful, smart, and stubborn woman. Lexa could understand her own instant connection with this version of Clarke, but she was struggling to figure out why this Clarke seemed so interested in her. _Fuck_ , she knew she was overanalyzing, but still brave from the lingering alcohol, she turned towards Clarke.

“Why did you ask me out?”

“What?”

“Why did you pursue me?”

“Lexa, what? What are you-“

“I just, you’re you, and I’m… I-”

“Okay, first of all, this seems a little heavy for a first date, but I can tell from the look in your eyes that you aren’t going to give this up easily. So secondly, you’ve seen you, right? And thirdly, I find you incredibly interesting. You have this face that’s always projecting an unreadable stone wall. Like it’s actually a bit intimidating. But your eyes… Your eyes give you way every time.”

Clarke paused as she looked right into Lexa’s eyes. She tucked a loose strand of hair that had fallen from Lexa’s ponytail back behind her ear.

“And ever since you ran into me in the parking lot outside your office, I can’t seem to get you out of my mind. That good enough for you?” Clarke added softly.

Lexa swiftly wrapped her fingers around the back of Clarke’s neck. She brought their lips together. She sensed the immediate tension rush through Clarke’s body from surprise and backed away, giving Clarke the choice. Clarke didn’t even hesitate. She chased Lexa’s lips and pulled them together again. The world seemed to stop spinning. All Lexa was sure of was the feeling of her lips sliding against Clarke’s.

Clarke boldly swung a leg over Lexa and positioned herself in her lap. Lexa dropped her hands down to Clarke’s waist as Clarke wrapped her hands around her neck. She pressed her forehead to Lexa’s. Lexa breathed unevenly, taking in all the sensations the blonde was providing her. She closed her eyes.

“Is this okay?”

Lexa gave a curt nod as she slid a hand up Clarke’s back, pressing her forward. She tilted her head up as their lips met in the middle. Clarke curled her fingers in the little hairs on the back of Lexa’s neck as she teased her bottom lip with her tongue. Lexa felt her lip quiver in response. She opened her mouth and felt Clarke’s tongue slide against her own. She heard the blonde groan into the kiss which only made her press her hand harder into her back, pulling their bodies impossibly close together.

Lexa had never felt this desire before in her life. It was intense and demanding, yet so comfortable and right. She was finally with her soulmate, and every fiber of her being recognized that. She felt the heat pool in between her legs and felt the surge of power sweep through her. Lexa did her best to clear her mind, but she was extremely distracted at the moment.

She blinked. Her left shoulder throbbed with pain. She gripped the hilt of a dagger in her right hand. Her back was pressed up against a damp tree. She could smell the earthiness of the forest, and the smoke from the small campfire in front of her. She looked ahead. Clarke slept soundly nearby. Lexa studied her features. Sleeping, this Clarke looked so much like her Clarke. Softer, calmer, at peace. Her Clarke hadn’t been hardened by impossible decisions, she still had the freedom to be. Clarke.

Lexa felt Clarke pull away from her. She sat back in her lap.

“You okay?” Clarke asked, concern spreading across her face.

“What?” she shook her head before quickly continuing. “Yeah, yes, I’m wonderful. It’s just… getting late.”

“Right, yeah, I guess it is.”

“I should probably be going.”

Clarke gracefully climbed off her lap, and Lexa immediately regretted her words. The loss of the warmth of Clarke’s body was disappointing, to say the least. Clarke offered her hand and led her to the front door. She opened the door and stood to the side, allowing Lexa to exit. Lexa couldn’t help but notice the slight scrunch of her eyebrows and the noticeable swallow in Clarke’s throat. She looked hurt and rejected by Lexa’s reaction after the hop, and Lexa couldn’t bear to see her like that.

Without thinking, she grabbed the collar of Clarke’s shirt and crashed their lips together once more. What started as a desperate, heated kiss quickly turned slow and tender. Lexa pulled away slowly, gently brushing her nose against Clarke’s. She leaned back in for a single chaste kiss before turning and walking down the hall. As she neared the corner, she looked back to see Clarke watching her leave.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, Clarke,” she smirked. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Lexa,” Clarke called after her.

As she stood under the awning of Clarke’s apartment waiting for her ride share, Lexa let out a content sigh. There was no doubt in her mind that Clarke was her soulmate. Even after the utterly embarrassing beginning of the date, Lexa had just experienced one of the best nights of her life. She let herself ride that high for a few moments before dropping her face to its usual neutral state.


	7. What You Don't Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Mother's Day to all the fellow moms out there!!!

****The next few days were an uneventful blur. Lexa spent her workdays training Ontari. She spent her Thursday evening with Indra, working on controlling her abilities. The constant flirty text messages from Clarke were the only thing keeping her hanging on as the weekend approached. That and the date Lexa was planning for Saturday.

**_Lexa_ ** _: You ready for tomorrow?_

**_Clarke_ ** _: You going to tell me what we’re doing?_

**_Lexa_ ** _: Nope._

**_Clarke_ ** _: Will you at least tell me what I should wear?_

**_Lexa_ ** _: Athletic gear and comfy shoes_

**_Clarke_ ** _: Oh, god. Are you going to try and make me play soccer, because I’ve got to be honest, I’m not the most athletic person. I might be able to hold my own, but that will be purely based on sheer grit and determination._

**_Lexa_ ** _: Don’t worry. Soccer is the third date._

**_Clarke_ ** _: Third date? Someone’s feeling arrogant_

**_Lexa_ ** _: Confident, not arrogant. There’s a difference._

“Hayes, are we going to finish this or not?” Ontari’s drawl cut through the air, effectively ending Lexa’s happy mood.

“Did you finish entering that data I gave you?” Lexa asked flatly, setting her phone to the side.

“That’s a task for an intern,” Ontari objected.

“I assigned it to you,” Lexa said, her voice turning to steel.

“Well lucky for me, I don’t answer to you.”

“Ontari-”

Lexa’s response was cut off by the loud ringing of Ontari’s cell. She grabbed it from the desk and looked at the caller ID.

“Oh, look, the woman I actually do answer to,” she goaded before answering the phone. “Ms. Kalland, how are you? How has your week been?”

Lexa ignored Ontari’s deliberate attempt to get a rise out of her. She instead focused on the screen in front of her, determined to finish up her work as quickly as possible. As she stared at the numbers, she couldn’t help but wonder why Nia was calling Ontari directly. She had never, in the five years Lexa had worked there, ever heard her personally call a new hire. It was odd, and it made Lexa feel strangely uneasy.

“Looks like you’ll have to finish without me, Hayes. The boss calls,” Ontari sneered.

Lexa flicked her eyes up above her computer but didn’t bother responding. She glared at Ontari cooly and watched as the woman gathered her things and left the office.

A half-hour later, Lexa finished up her work and headed out. She stopped by the front desk before leaving.

“Same time tonight?”

Indra gave her a nod, “Of course, Ms. Hayes.”

—

“It’s getting easier,” Lexa said as she sat on Indra’s cold hardwood floor, wiping her bloody nose on a tissue.

“Good, did you go where you wanted, when you wanted?”

“Yeah, New England, you’re the owner of a [brewery](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11482704/chapters/25752654),” Lexa said with a short nod.

“Did you control it all properly?”

“I did. I think I really have a handle on this.”

“Do you think you can control it tomorrow? In front of Clarke?”

“I told you, I only hopped once accidentally the last time I was with her. And that was when…” Lexa trailed off as her mind wandered to her heated kiss with Clarke earlier this week. Lexa felt the fire light in her belly and her cheeks flush.

“I know, I remember. I just want to make sure you are careful,” Indra said earnestly.

Lexa noticed a strange look in her auctor’s eyes. Something more than the usual concern, it was more worry. Confused, Lexa responded, “She’s seen me hop before. She doesn’t know what’s going on.”

“I know, Lexa. But you must be fully in control of yourself around her. Now that you can go when and where you want, now that your power has grown on its own, you must control it.”

“I am in control,” Lexa bit back. She felt as if Indra was attacking her. What was going on?

“You must keep your emotions in check,” Indra said quickly.

“Indra, I know. Why are you questioning me like this?” Lexa’s face had dropped any and all softness. Her stoic stone wall was firmly in place. Her voice was cool and commanding.

“It’s your power. It’s grown. I can see it. It’s strong enough to bring another along.”

“What?” Lexa’s eyes widened in surprise.

“You can bring another person with you when you travel to another universe. As long as they are in your circle, as long as they have a body to occupy in that universe, they can travel with you,” Indra said steadily.

“Why didn’t you tell me before? I could have accidentally hopped with Clarke this week! Indra! She looks at me like I am crazy when I come back from a hop. Could I have accidentally taken her?” Lexa snarled. She was livid. Why hadn’t Indra told her this? She could have been more prepared. She could have taken precautions. Something. Indra was supposed to be her auctor, her guide, and she kept this from her.

“No, I don’t believe so. You weren’t in control. You hadn’t practiced. You were too weak.”

Lexa’s chest swelled uncomfortably at the word. She froze her body as her muscles tensed. She hated to be called weak. The only weakness she allowed was Nia. And that was beyond her control.

Indra must have felt the fire behind Lexa’s gaze as she quickly tried to appease the situation.

“Lexa, you have only been training since Tuesday. It’s been less than a week. What you have accomplished… The fact that you can control it as well as you can now… It’s unprecedented. You were born for this.”

“I want to take you to the source universe,” Lexa said suddenly.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, Indra.”

“Lexa, I-”

“I want to practice. If I can master taking a person with me, I can know how _not_ to take a person with me.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“Are you really going to turn down the opportunity to see the source world, not just hear about it from me, but truly see it?” Lexa coaxed indifferently. She knew she was being manipulative, but she also knew she needed to do this. If she could take Indra, then maybe one day, when she was ready, she could take Clarke.

“Of course not, Lexa.”

“Good. Now how do I do it?” Lexa’s eyes met Indra’s with a stony gaze. She was not going to let Indra back down now. They were going to do this and do this now.

“It’s not all that different from hopping by yourself. You just have to add the other person to your thoughts. Picture where they are in relation to you in the world. And touch. You must be touching skin to skin in order for it to work.”

“Sounds simple enough. Ready?” Lexa said holding out her hands. Indra hesitantly placed her shaking hands in Lexa’s.

Lexa closed her eyes and concentrated on the scene she wanted to visit. Her mind focused on the tent, on the sun peaking through the fabric roof, on the feeling of the blade dancing on her fingertips.

She looked up. Clarke stood before her, Indra to her left. She herself sat on the commander’s throne, dagger in hand.

“The only way to save both our people is if we join together,” Clarke said.

There was a pregnant pause. Lexa glanced at Indra to her side. The woman looked perplexed, but only for a moment. Her face quickly fell into a hard line.

“Those who are about to die will say anything,” Indra finally said calmly.

Lexa’s lip twitched into a smirk. Her auctor was there with her. She turned her face back to its necessary stoicism before addressing Clarke.

—

“That was… That was thrilling,” Indra chattered. “I was there. It was real. And I knew what to do, what to say. And that language. I understood it.”

Lexa dabbed her nose again, listening to her auctor gush over the shared experience.

“And I felt that fierce loyalty to you. I felt dangerous. And proud. And sure. And just, just everything. Is this what it feels like for you every time?”

“Yes,” Lexa said simply.

“Lexa, thank you. It’s one thing to read about it, to hear about it from you. But experiencing it…”

“I take it I fully succeeded? I brought you with me, I brought you back. No complications?”

“You did. Forgive me for doubting you.”

“There is nothing to forgive. You were simply acting on what you thought you knew. Now you _know_ what I can do,” Lexa said flatly.

“You are so much stronger than anyone I have read about. It typically takes years of practice to do what you just did. You’re special.”

Lexa merely gazed at her. She could sense that the woman had more on her mind. Indra looked down at her lap and wrung her hands in nervousness.

“May I ask you a question?” she asked, finally looking up at Lexa.

Lexa raised an eyebrow, “Of course.”

“How many times have you visited the source world? How long would you say you’ve spent there? In that timeline?”

“Why do you ask?” Lexa questioned. She kept her face still. She wasn’t sure she wanted to tell Indra how much time she had actually spent there over the past few days.

After her date with Clarke on Wednesday, Lexa had arrived back home, too giddy to sleep. She instead visited the source world and had lived through a significant portion of her life there. She had come back to reality after killing Nia. The following night, she had done the same thing. She had spent close to two months in that timeline. It was a rush to live out that life only to come back to reality and only have a moment pass. A mind fuck, but a rush nonetheless.

“You are behaving differently. You sound more like the commander. She is bleeding into this reality.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No… It’s just an observation,” Indra hesitated before continuing. “In the past, some viators have gotten caught up in the alternate universes. They lose themselves in them. They forget to live in their own reality.”

“I’m fine, Indra. I have you here. And Clarke. I won’t forget my reality,” she promised. Lexa said the words to appease her auctor, but as she heard them spill from her lips, she realized she believed them too. The commander’s life was a fascinating one. She was strong, powerful, and unforgiving, but Lexa suddenly realized that she had those qualities here too. She could live the life she wanted, a life full of confidence and power, she just needed to pull herself out from under Nia. She needed to regain her independence. But that was a problem for another day.

“Thanks for the lesson tonight,” Lexa added with a smile.

“Anytime, my viator. And thank you for allowing me to see. I won’t forget it.”

—

Lexa woke to a beautiful morning. She rolled over and happily turned off her alarm before the loud bell rang. Ever since she had started to learn to control her abilities, her dreams became more tolerable. They still felt real as ever and she still woke feeling her death occasionally but knowing she could control it helped ease her back into a calm sleep.

Lexa was due to pick up Clarke in a few short hours, and she had several things to prepare before then. She busied herself packing a bag with the supplies for the day before dressing in an old, but favorite, pair of soccer warm-up pants, a tank, and her college soccer sweatshirt.

She felt surprisingly calm on the drive over to Clarke’s. She wasn’t nervous about seeing her. She wasn’t nervous about accidentally hopping into an alternate universe. Lexa had worked her ass off over the past few days and nights to get a handle on this, and she was ready.

She pulled into a free parking space and walked up to the apartment doors. She entered the code Clarke had texted her and made her way to Clarke’s door. Lexa lifted her hand to knock, but she needn’t have bothered. Clarke suddenly opened the door with a sheepish grin plastered on her face.

“Hi, I’ve been sorta stalking the peephole for the past 10 minutes,” she admitted.

“Excited to see me?” Lexa asked, quirking an eyebrow up at her.

Clarke stepped forward and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. Lexa lifted a hand and softly cupped Clarke’s cheek as she pressed into her warm, inviting body.

“I take that as a yes,” Lexa said smoothly as she backed away from Clarke, smiling. “You ready to go?”

“Yeah, just let me lock up here.”

Lexa watched as Clarke turned and bent down to grab her bag and keys. She couldn’t help but appreciate the form-fitting pants Clarke was currently sporting and the way they hugged all her curves. Lexa shook herself from her thoughts as Clarke closed the door and locked up. Lexa took a steadying breath before taking Clarke’s hand and leading her out to the car.

“You going to tell me what we’re doing yet?”

“Not yet,” Lexa teased as she drove them to their destination. “You look really good, by the way.”

“You just like the tight pants. Don’t think I didn’t notice you staring up there.”

Lexa felt the heat rising from her cheeks. She quickly turned on the radio to hide her blush and handed Clarke the audio cable. “You can pick, if you’d like.”

Instead of plugging in her own phone, Clarke reached over and grabbed Lexa’s.

“How about whatever you were listening to last? I wanna learn about you,” Clarke smiled. “Passcode?”

“0421,” Lexa offered without hesitation.

“Damn, didn’t think you’d give that up so easily.”

“I trust you, Clarke,” she said with a shrug. Lexa could see the smile on Clarke’s face out of the corner of her eye.

“Okay, Spotify, home, recently played, first playlist… ‘Highway Run Into the Midnight Sun’? What kind of name is that for a playlist?”

“It’s one of my favorite mixes. That’s a lyric from one of the songs on there. It’s a classic,” Lexa said with a wicked smile.

“Lexa Hayes! Is this an 80’s playlist?”

“Yep.”

“I can’t believe you like 80’s pop music!”

“Pop and rock. You can’t forget the hairbands. Oh, and 80’s movies! Especially the classic rom-coms. Come on, they’re great. You can’t deny the absolute charm of John Cusack holding a boombox over his head just to get the attention of the gorgeous Miss Ione Skye.”

“You’re such a dork.”

“Perhaps, but I like what I like.”

—

“Here we are,” Lexa said putting her car in park. “Mount Solum.”

“We’re going to climb to the top of a mountain?” Clarke asked, looking more than a little nervous.

“Well, technically we just drove up about three-quarters of it, so we aren’t actually climbing the whole mountain,” Lexa said opening Clarke’s door for her. She saw the slight tremor in the blonde’s legs and saw anxiety firmly plastered on her face. “Don’t worry, there are stairs that go all the way to the peak. It’s not bad, trust me.”

“Okay, I trust you, Lexa.”

Lexa beamed as she slung her backpack over her shoulders. She offered her hand to Clarke who willingly took it. Lexa led her to the bottom of the stairs. She paused for a moment, allowing Clarke to take in the view. The stairs wrapped up the slight incline of the mountain beautifully. Lexa loved the care and thought that the city had used when designing the path. The stairs seemed to fit in flawlessly with the wooded area they carved through.

With a gentle tug, Lexa led them up. She hadn’t been lying, the hike wasn’t far, and they arrived at the peak a few short minutes later. This was why she brought Clarke here. The view was spectacular. The mountain overlooked the river that bisected the city. In the distance, the city skyline peaked over the lush trees. It was one of Lexa’s favorite spots. She would often come here when she just needed some peace and quiet, an escape of sorts.

“It’s beautiful,” Clarke muttered. Lexa glanced over at her. Clarke’s expression was one of pure wonder and awe. Lexa felt the warmth swell through her body. She felt the butterflies take off in her stomach. She realized at that moment that she was truly in love with Clarke Griffin, though she would never admit that aloud. Just because she felt it didn’t mean Clarke was ready to hear such grand proclamations.

“Over here,” Lexa said quietly. She led Clarke to a large rock, worn smooth by years of weary hikers resting there. She sat and motioned for Clarke to join her. Lexa swung her backpack around and pulled out a brand new sketchpad and box of charcoal pencils. She handed them to Clarke, keeping her face impassive. She didn’t want to show her nerves or excitement for fear that Clarke thought it was too much, or worse, really fucking lame.

“Lexa, what?”

“I couldn’t help but notice all the landscapes in your apartment. This is one of my favorite places in the city, and I wanted to share it with you. I thought you might like to sketch it… And I may or may not have memorized the type of sketchpad sitting on your side table. I hope these pencils are alright. I honestly don’t know what you use…”

“Lexa, this is,” she paused. Lexa’s eyes widened in surprise as Clarke leaned towards her and wrapped her in a fierce hug. Lexa sighed in relief and relaxed into her arms. Before Clarke pulled away, she placed a warm, wet, kiss on Lexa’s cheek. “Thank you.”

—

Lexa spent the next hour sitting back to back with Clarke on the worn rock, each supporting the other’s weight easily.

“Can I see yet?” Lexa asked, breaking the comfortable silence.

“It’s almost done, be patient,” Clarke teased as she playfully elbowed Lexa in the back.

Lexa looked out over breathtaking view and closed her eyes. She was suddenly aware of the heat of the sun pounding down on her. She felt the sweat start to trickle down her spine. Lexa swung her legs to the side, turning to sit up. She was careful to keep her shoulder pressed to the blonde’s back, lest she lose her balance and fall.

“Hey! I said not yet!” Clarke whined.

“Relax, I just want to take off this sweatshirt. It’s warmed up a lot,” Lexa said pulling her soft sweatshirt over her head. She sighed in relief as the crisp air brushed her newly exposed skin. She tossed her discarded shirt on top of her backpack and smirked to herself.

She could feel Clarke’s gaze on her. She could feel those blue eyes drinking in her toned arms and back. She was feeling quite confident with the success of the date so far, might as well put on a show.

Lexa purposefully reached her arms above her head and stretched, allowing her muscles to flex and move beneath her skin. She felt a wave of satisfaction wash over her as she heard Clarke’s breath hitch in her throat. She peered over her shoulder at Clarke. “Quite the view, isn’t it?” Lexa asked simply.

Clarke shook her head, her gaze quickly turning from appreciation to annoyance.

“You sly devil. You weren’t even hot where you?”

“I still am.”

“Lexa! You tease,” she said, hitting her with the sketchbook. “Here. It’s done.”

Lexa took the offered book and opened it to the first page. The image was beautiful. Clarke had expertly captured the view in front of her, down to the details of the clouds in the sky. Even in black and white, the landscape seemed vivid and dripping with unseen color. Lexa turned the page.

Her breath caught in her throat. It was her hand, sitting on the rock on which they were reclining. She flipped to the next page. It was her hair, cascading down her sweatshirt-clad shoulder. She flipped over to the final page. It was a profile of her face. The strokes of the charcoal curved gently over her features, drawing her in an overly generous light. Lexa looked beautiful in Clarke’s eyes.

She had been aware that Clarke kept turning towards her while she was sketching, but the blonde beauty had hidden her gazes under the pretenses of chatting. Lexa was more than surprised to see that Clarke had been sketching her. Admiring her. The realization caused her heart into jump to her throat.

Lexa looked up from the sketch to find Clarke staring at her, nervously worrying her bottom lip.

“Clarke, these are-”

“They’re just quick sketches, it’s nothing,” Clarke said quickly grabbing the book from her hand.

“Clarke-“

“Are you hungry? I’m hungry. Should we get some lunch? We should get some lunch.”

Lexa chuckled as a smile broke across her face, “Are you going to let me answer your questions or are you going to continue to answer for me?”

“What?”

“Clarke, let’s get out of here,” Lexa said extending her hand. She pulled them up and packed her sweatshirt, charcoal pencils and sketchbook back into her bag, taking extra care to not bend the book. She slung the pack over her shoulders and wrapped her hands around Clarke’s waist, pulling her close. She pressed her forehead against Clarke’s and whispered, “The sketches are stunning. Although, I think you exaggerate my beauty.”

“You’re wrong. I didn’t even come close. Besides, I just find myself _drawn_ to you,” Clarke said before tilting her chin up and softly kissing Lexa.

Lexa slowly pulled away and dropped her grip on Clarke’s waist to recapture her hand. Shaking her head, Lexa chuckled, “Seriously, Clarke. Your lines…”

“Get used to them, Hayes. They have the desired effect on you. They’re here to stay.”

Lexa and Clarke made their way back down the stairs of Mount Solum, fingers intertwined. Lexa’s mind was at ease, simply filled with thoughts of the potential future she could see with Clarke. It all felt right, and it was becoming increasingly clear that Clarke perhaps reciprocated those feelings. The thought set Lexa’s soul on fire.

Lexa felt the hand in hers jerk downward. Her heart leapt as she saw the blonde begin to fall forward. Lexa instinctively lunged forward and wrapped her free arm around Clarke’s waist trying to steady her. She felt her own feet begin to slide out from under her as she slipped down a step. Lexa planted her foot firmly on the next step down and pulled Clarke in close, effectively stopping their downward motion.

They were front to front, their chests pressed firmly together, their arms wrapped tightly around one another. Lexa could feel Clarke’s uneven breath on her chest. She could feel how close those pink lips were to her exposed skin. Lexa felt the unwelcome pull of a hop.

She blinked. She was standing in a bedroom, her hand lightly caressing a soft cheek. Her lips gently pressed against Clarke’s. She felt Clarke pull away abruptly, confusion and panic spreading over her face.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

Lexa quickly steadied her mind. She breathed in deeply and grabbed Clarke’s hand.

She stood on the steps of Mount Solum, Clarke still pressed firmly to her front. Clarke blinked her eyes several times and pushed out of Lexa’s grasp violently, collapsing on the step behind her. She covered her face with her hands and breathed slowly.

Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat. She closed her eyes and waited for Clarke to say something.

“Lexa, what the fuck? What the fuck just happened?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU referenced in Chapter Seven
> 
> a pleasant undoing by mopeytropey (scriptmanip)


	8. Everybody Wants to Rule the World

Clarke hadn’t said a word since they left Mount Solum. She sat on Lexa’s couch, holding the still full glass of water Lexa had offered her when they arrived at her house.

Lexa waited patiently. She had tried to start a conversation several times over, but each and every time, she ultimately decided to let Clarke lead. She watched as Clarke leaned forward and placed her untouched glass on the coffee table in front of her. Lexa tensed and inhaled a deep breath, anxiously anticipating the inevitable conversation.

“So, that was a mind fuck.”

Lexa sat dumbfounded. Out of all the ways Clarke could start the conversation, that was the last thing she expected to come out of her mouth.

“Will you please drop your impassive face right now? I’m having a hard enough time trying to understand what the fuck happened on the mountain. I really don’t want to try and figure out what you’re thinking,” Clarke said wearily.

“Sorry,” Lexa mumbled, trying to relax her body and face. “You can ask me anything. I’ll tell you all that I know.”

“Lexa,” Clarke threw her hands up in defeat. “I mean, what was that? Is that why you zone out in front of me? Is it hypnosis? Drugs? Shared hallucination? I mean, what the fuck?”

“Clarke, I am a viator,” Lexa stated. It was the first time she had said that aloud, and honestly, it felt ridiculous. As much as she knew it was true, it still sounded insane. She had only become aware of this less than a week ago, and here she was, trying to explain something when she herself was just coming to terms with what it meant.

“A what?”

“A viator. I can travel to alternate universes.”

“Yeah, that definitely sounds made up. Are you trying to fuck with me right now?”

“No, Clarke. I swear I am not. There is an infinite number of universes, and I can experience any one of them at will.”

“Lexa, you sound insane. I realize I don’t know you very well, and I am in no position to make a professional diagnosis here, but you are clearly delusional.”

“Please, Clarke. Let me try to explain,” Lexa pleaded. She grabbed Clarke’s hand and held it between both of hers. When the blonde did not pull away, Lexa took that as all the permission she needed to continue.

“I have had these dreams for about 13 years. Dreams of worlds, all different, but all containing the same people. They were just dreams. Until this week… On Monday, in the parking lot, when you touched my hand, I hopped into an alternate universe for the first time. It was exactly like my dream, but it was real. I mean, I was there. It freaked me out, and that’s why I rushed off so suddenly. I reacted pretty much the same as you are right now.”

Lexa released one of her hands from Clarke. She gently brushed her thumb over Clarke’s knuckles.

“Indra, the receptionist at my office, she was watching and realized what happened. She explained to me that she is an auctor, kind of like my guide, and I am a viator, a traveller.”

Lexa rubbed her temple with her free hand. She glanced at Clarke, who was taking all this surprisingly well. The blonde was watching Lexa closely as she continued to explain as if she was listening to a riveting audiobook.

“And I know this all sounds crazy and made up, believe me, I didn’t really trust what she was telling me at first either. But then the next day, when you came back to the office for the headshots, I hopped twice. I know you noticed… and that evening I went back to Indra. I mean, I believed it then. I couldn’t deny it. She gave me some exercises to try. To try and get a handle on all this. And they worked, for the most part. But sometimes when I lose focus, when my emotions take over, I, uh, can’t control it. That’s why I hopped at your apartment on Wednesday night when we, you know, when we were…”

Clarke graciously interrupted Lexa as her cheeks burned, “Okay, say I believe you? That doesn’t explain why I hopped with you today.”

“Well, that’s new. Over the week, I’ve grown stronger. I’ve been able to control everything pretty well. Indra only told me last night that I could potentially bring someone along on a hop.”

“You did it on purpose? Without warning me? Fuck, Lexa! What were you thinking?”

“I didn’t do it on purpose. It was an accident. When I caught you, and our bodies were so close, I, uh, I lost focus and hopped. And since we were touching, you just came with me.”

“Lexa,” Clarke shook her head in disbelief.

“Let me prove it to you. I can take you to an alternate universe.”

“What, right now? Here?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t-”

“Please, Clarke. Let me show you,” Lexa held out her hands. Clarke made no indication she was going to comply. “Clarke, if I’m lying, then nothing will happen and you can walk out of here with a crazy story to tell your friends at the bar. But if I’m telling the truth, well, you can still walk out of here with a crazy story. You have nothing to lose. Please.”

Clarke huffed and threw her hands in Lexa’s. Lexa let out the breath she was holding, and she felt a small smirk of relief twitch the corner of her mouth.

Lexa’s mind raced with possibilities. Which universe should she take Clarke to? Definitely one that wouldn’t freak her out any more than she already was. Maybe the one where Clarke is running for the [senate](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6277216/chapters/14383582)? That’s a good, safe one.

Lexa calmed herself and took a deep breath. She began to visualize the world. It was going perfectly until Lexa remembered certain events in that world. Certain smutty events. Sex. There was sex. Sex with Clarke. Lexa felt the power surge through her as she hopped into the alternate universe.

_Fuck. Shit. No. Fuck. Fuck_. This was not the world she wanted. _Why? Why? Fuck…_

She closed her eyes quickly and brought Clarke and herself back into this world. Lexa opened one eye and grimaced, waiting for Clarke to react.

She didn’t have to wait long.

“What the fuck, Lexa? What the actual fuck? Was that? Were we? Was I? Was that an [adult movie set](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6554059/chapters/14995585)?” Clarke stuttered, eyes wide with shock.

Lexa cursed herself internally. She wanted to take Clarke to a world that wouldn’t freak her out, and she thought the senate race universe was perfect, but then her mind wandered to sex and, _of course_ , that’s the world they hopped to. Of course she took Clarke to that universe.

Lexa flushed bright red. “Clarke, I’m sorry. That’s not where I wanted to take you first. I wanted to show this other universe, but then my mind wandered, and I’m sorry. That was probably a bit much for your first official hop.”

“Lexa, I mean… fuck. That was, that was unexpected,” Clarke said cautiously. Lexa watched as a huge grin crossed her face. “Unexpected, but kinda hot. It was filthy, but like the classiest filth.”

Lexa was pretty sure her mouth was on the floor. She had expected Clarke to run screaming from her house. To curse her and never want to see her again. Yet here she was grinning at her like a fool.

“Have you, I mean, do you visit that universe often?” Clarke coaxed coyly.

“No, never,” Lexa answered quickly, vigorously shaking her head. “I’ve dreamed about it, but this was the first time I physically visited it.”

“Am I in all your universes?” Clarke asked, her tone shifting from playful to cautious.

“Yes,” Lexa swallowed nervously.

“And in all these universes are we.. are we together?”

Lexa nodded. “You believe me now?” she said, her voice barely more than a whisper.

“If I’m being honest, I believed you the moment you started talking. I just didn’t want to admit it. It sounds certifiably insane. But, yeah. I do. I believe you. I don’t know why, but… just yeah. Yes.”

“May I try again?”

“You want to take me to another universe?”

“Yes, one I’m the most familiar with. I dream of this world every night.”

“Would you tell me about it first? Before we go? So I’m a little more prepared?”

“Sure, okay. Indra calls it the source world. She believes it is the world where we were all created. It’s weird, I know. But anyway, there, I am the leader of what once was the United States. The world was decimated by nuclear war, and I lead the 12 remaining clans of people. You were born on a space station orbiting Earth and were sent down to the ground to see if the world was habitable again. You sort of became the unofficial leader to what we call the ‘Sky people.’ We meet to secure a truce between our people and… things happen.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows in interest. “Things?”

“Politics and stuff,” Lexa said vaguely. She really didn’t want to get into the fact that she betrayed Clarke in that world. That she essentially left her for dead. That Lexa gets shot and dies in her arms. “I could spend hours explaining it all to you, but I’d rather just show you one day.”

Clarke nodded her head and seemed to accept Lexa’s rather obtuse answer.

“Okay, so I’m going to try and shoot for a rather calm moment between us in that universe. It is the night of a major victory for me, and I come to your chambers to thank you for your support,” Lexa paused. She recalled the scene she was about to take Clarke to and felt a sudden pang in her chest. It was a calm moment, that part was true, but it was also the moment that version of Lexa realized Clarke would never reciprocate her feelings. Lexa took a deep breath before she continued, “It’s just us, so it shouldn’t be too startling for you.”

Clarke nodded and impatiently held out her hands for Lexa.

“And when we’re there, you’ll have the memories of that Clarke. You’ll know what she knows, you’ll feel what she feels. Just surrender to it. It’s hard to explain, but if you try not to fight it, you’ll find you know exactly what to say. Exactly what to do. It’s… It’s fucking liberating.”

“Okay,” Clarke said.

“And if anything goes wrong, anything at all, just trust me. Protecting you is my first priority, and I will find you and get you back to this reality safely. I swear it.”

“I trust you, Lexa.”

“Okay, here we go,” Lexa said finally taking Clarke’s hands. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the moment she wanted to show Clarke. She steadied her breathing.

Lexa was lying on her back, the ground hard beneath her. Her body ached. Her left palm stung with a fresh wound. She could taste blood in her mouth. Her eyes focused above her. A spear was hovering above her head.

_Shit_. Right day, wrong time.

Lexa rolled to the left, narrowly avoiding the thrust of a spear. Her instincts kicked in. She was suddenly grateful she had hopped into this reality a few times in the past few days. Her body knew exactly what to do. Her mind fleetingly went to Clarke. She hoped the blonde took her words to heart and just surrendered herself to this universe. This fight would turn out okay. She willed Clarke to know that.

Pushing those last thoughts from her mind, Lexa swung her legs around, making contact behind her attacker’s legs, sweeping him to the ground. His body hit the floor with a satisfying thump. She rolled out of the way and to her feet as Roan, Nia’s champion and son, swung his spear dangerously close to her face. She ducked under another blow and avoided one more swing towards her chest. Roan was getting desperate and thrust his spear towards her. Lexa stepped just enough out of the way to catch the shaft of the spear at her side. She landed a heavy blow to his arm, skillfully disarming him.

Spear now firmly in her hands, she expertly swung the blade towards his head. When he dodged the blow, Lexa let the momentum of the spear continue and landed a devastating strike to Roan’s leg, knocking him to his knees. With the shaft of the spear, she thrust upwards and felt the spear tremble in her hands as she made contact with his chin. Lexa swung once more from the left, but Roan blocked the strike with his forearm, leaving his left side vulnerable. Lexa swung the spear upwards with all her strength and watched as blood spilled from Roan’s mouth as he fell backwards in defeat.

She approached him, twirling the spear around and lowered the blade inches from his face. Lexa heard the threat spill from Nia’s lips as she chastised her champion lying in the dirt at her feet. Lexa spared a threatening glance up at Nia.

Her mind raced to Clarke. Clarke was about to see how brutal this world was. She knew she wanted to let Clarke fully experience this universe eventually, but Lexa had wanted to ease her into it. Not start it off with a fight to the death that ended with Lexa throwing a spear into the gut of Nia. Nia, who Clarke would no doubt recognize from The Kalland Group.

Lexa wanted to run to Clarke, to pull her out of this world before she had to throw the spear, but Clarke was too far away. She couldn’t risk not following the natural order of things right now. Not when there were so many people with their eyes (and weapons) trained on her.

Roan’s words cut through the air, “Go on. Get it over with.”

Lexa took a deep breath, ready to do what must be done.

“Jus drein, jus daun,” she said as she repositioned the spear in her hand. She glanced up at her target and relying on her perfect muscle memory, let the spear fly.

_Clang_!

Lexa felt a strange force hit her stomach. She felt sick. Something wasn’t right. She looked up at the podium. Instead of seeing Nia slumped in her chair, bleeding out, Ontari stood there, lowering the shield she just used to deflect the spear.

Lexa’s eyes widened as she saw a very much alive Nia grin wickedly. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Nia was supposed to be dying, not staring her down. Lexa watched in shock as Nia stood and addressed the crowd.

“The commander is weak! She has defied the sacred rite of soulou gonplei. She is unfit to command. Nou Heda noumou!”

Lexa heard the crowd began to murmur. It started quietly, a few voices in the mass of people, but soon the chant echoed in her ears. “Nou Heda noumou. Nou Heda noumou.”

She shot a glance to the side and spotted Clarke. The blonde’s face was scrunched in confusion. Lexa dashed towards her, knocking down a guard with her shoulder. She grabbed Clarke’s forearm and pulled her through the crowd. She heard Nia shout commands to guards to give chase.

Lexa ran as fast as she could, only slowed by the blonde stumbling behind her. She heard the heavy footsteps of Nia’s guards pursuing them, gaining ground second by second.

“Lexa, what’s going-”

Lexa tugged on her arm and pulled her into a small alleyway. She threw her hand over Clarke’s mouth and then raised a finger to her own lips, signaling Clarke to remain silent. With a knowing look, she released the grip on Clarke’s mouth. Lexa peered cautiously around the corner and watched as the guards ran past them in the other direction. The tension in her shoulders dropped only slightly.

“Clarke,” she whispered. “Something isn’t right. The fight was supposed to end with a spear in Nia’s gut. She’s supposed to be dead.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m not sure what has happened. I don’t know how Ontari knew to block the spear with a shield. And when that happened, I felt this sickening wave crash over me. Like I was falling straight through the floor. It felt wrong.”

“Do you think bringing me here changed things? Is this my fault?”

“I don’t…” Lexa faltered. She shook her head. “No, that can’t be it. You did what this Clarke does. You just watch the fight. You didn’t change anything.”

Lexa whipped her head towards the back of the alleyway as she heard footsteps approach. She swiftly threw her arm protectively in front of Clarke and positioned her body in front of her. Ontari stood, sword drawn, sneering at them. Nia was just behind her.

“Hayes, looks like this is the end for you,” Ontari quipped.

Lexa’s body froze. _Hayes_. Lexa knew that in this universe she didn’t have that last name. The people here identified themselves by their clan, not surnames. Ontari used her surname.

Nia’s face twitched, and she placed a hand on Ontari’s shoulder, squeezing it tightly. Ontari hissed as if she had been struck in the face.

Realization dawned in Lexa’s mind. Nia was a viator. Nia knew that she was supposed to die after the fight. Nia brought Ontari with her. Or Ontari was a viator too. Either way, they had messed with the natural order.

Without hesitation, Lexa grabbed Clarke’s hands and steadied her breathing.

She was sitting on her couch, Clarke was seated next to her. Their hands were holding each others.

“Fuck me,” Lexa muttered under her breath.

“What happened?”

Lexa dropped Clarke’s hands, “I need to go. I have to see Indra. Right now. Clarke, I’m sorry. This… There is something wrong. I can feel it. I…”

“Hey, look at me,” Clarke implored, gently grabbing Lexa’s shoulders. “I may not understand what’s going on. Hell, I _know_ I don’t understand what’s going on, but it’s pretty clear you’re upset. So go. Do what you need to do.”

Lexa gave a curt nod and stood, pulling Clarke up with her. The blonde reached her hand up and gently placed it on her cheek. Lexa felt the soft pad of her thumb caress her face as blue eyes studied her. Clarke’s eyes twitched abruptly.

“Lexa, don’t you dare,” she said suddenly. “Don’t you dare shut me out. I know we technically just met less than a week ago, but I hopped with you three times today. I’ve felt it. In each of those universes. This thing between us,” she motioned with her hands. “It’s real. And I know you know that. So don’t you dare do what your eyes are telling me. Don’t shut me out.”

Lexa stood dumbfounded. She was completely ready to take a step back from this thing with Clarke. To push her out of her life for the time being. To keep her from the inevitable train wreck Lexa’s life was speeding towards. Lexa stood there, unblinking. Clarke had just literally read her mind, no her eyes. Clarke had already told her she gives herself away through her eyes.

_Fuck_. Lexa just wanted to protect her. To shield her from whatever the hell was going on. All Lexa knew was that something was wrong and that particular something had to do with Nia. Lexa was not about to let anything happen to Clarke. Even though Nia was not responsible for Costia’s death, Lexa still felt the need to protect her from the woman. She could not lose Clarke the way she lost Costia.

“Clarke-”

Clarke practically threw herself into the heated kiss. It was desperate and manipulative and dangerous, and _fuck_ , did it feel good. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke fiercely, her fingers digging into the small of her back. She felt more than heard the whimper she elicited from the blonde as she slid her tongue into her mouth. Clarke’s hands clung to Lexa’s neck, and she used her body weight to pull Lexa down on top of her. Lexa felt their bodies hit the soft couch cushions, their passionate embrace uninterrupted. Clarke’s hands released her neck and slid down to the hem of Lexa’s tank.

Lexa knew where this was leading, and she’d be lying if she told herself she didn’t want it. With great personal strength and conviction, more than she was aware she contained, Lexa slowed the kiss and gently eased the grip she had on Clarke. She broke their mouths apart and rested their foreheads together.

“Clarke,” she panted. “I want to protect you.”

“I don’t need your protection,” Clarke’s voice still heady with desire, yet firm and unyielding.

“You don’t understand. Nia, she’s cruel. And she’s somehow involved in this. I don’t know how or why. But I don’t want her near you.”

“Lexa, that’s going to be hard considering I’m still working with The Kalland Group, you know? So don’t do what I think you’re about to do,” Clarke implored.

“I can’t-”

“Yes, you can. You say I’m in all your dreams. In all these universes. I can guarantee you that you’ve seen how stubborn I am. You’re not going to get rid of me, Hayes. So don’t try.”

“Okay,” Lexa conceded quietly. She was too tired and too preoccupied with the events of the day to argue further with Clarke. The woman had a point after all. In every universe, no matter the circumstances, the betrayals, the fights, the obstacles, they always found each other, and they were always stronger together. Maybe Lexa should learn from her other self’s mistakes. Maybe she just shouldn’t fight being with Clarke. Maybe she should just let go and give in.

“Yes, okay,” Lexa said with more conviction. She finally pulled herself from Clarke and stood. “But I do need to see Indra. Now.”

Clarke nodded.

“I swear I’ll come find you after.”

“Should be easy considering I’ll be here.”

“What?”

“You don’t mind, do you? I just figured I’d wait for you here.”

Lexa hesitated for only a moment before smiling at the blonde. “Make yourself at home. I’ll be back as soon as I have some answers.”

—

Lexa pounded on the door relentlessly.

“Indra! Open the door. It’s urgent. Indra-”

The door swung open, and if Lexa’s reflexes hadn’t been so quick, she would have hit Indra square in the face.

“Lexa, what’s wrong?” Indra barely had time to mutter as Lexa pushed past her into the house.

As soon as she was safely in the now familiar living room, Lexa twirled around on her heel and addressed her auctor. “Is there more than one viator per world?”

“What?” sputtered Indra.

“Is there a possibility that I am not the only person capable of traveling to my universes?” Lexa repeated, slowly this time.

“It’s rare, but-“

“So there can be others?”

“Lexa, what’s going on? Is Ms. Griffin-”

“No,” Lexa spat out. She saw the hurt and surprise wash over Indra’s face at her curt delivery. She took a deep breath and collapsed on the couch, face firmly hidden in her hands. She pressed her fingertips to her temple and rubbed small circles trying to relax herself.

“Indra, I accidentally hopped with Clarke this morning,” Lexa held her hand out, urging Indra to remain quiet as she finished her story. “She was understandably upset and confused, so I explained everything the best I could. I wanted to prove to her that I wasn’t lying, and so I took her to the source world. Everything was fine, going the way it always does, until it didn’t.”

Lexa paused to steady her mind before continuing.

“You know how I’ve told you how Nia dies in that universe? Well, we got to that point and then it didn’t happen. Ontari was there, and she blocked the spear with a shield. It was as if she knew it would happen. And then Nia was alive and she turned the crowd against me. And I ran. I ran with Clarke and we hid and Ontari and Nia found us… Indra, Ontari called me ‘Hayes’. And Nia… Nia grabbed her shoulder and squeezed as if warning Ontari. As if she knew that Ontari gave herself up. I got Clarke and me out of there immediately.”

Indra sat herself down across from Lexa. Her eyes wide with unmistakable fear.

“She altered the natural order of the source universe?”

“Yeah, she did. And when that happened, I mean, when the spear hit the shield and not Nia, this wave of sickness washed over me. Like everything felt wrong. Indra, how many viators can there be? Is this even possible?”

“It is technically. But there’s only been one other documented case and that… that didn’t end well.”

“What do you mean?”

“That particular case, the two viators were mortal enemies. They battled for control of their universes…” Indra trailed off.

“Indra, what happened?”

“Look, it’s not well documented. It happened a long time ago, but there was evidence that the two viators tried to alter their source universe for personal gain. When they did that, their reality was altered as well.”

“And?”

“And you can’t drastically alter the natural order of things without serious consequences. We don’t know exactly what happened. We don’t know how it was mended, but we do know that both viators and a lot of innocent people were killed.”

“Fuck.”

“You’re sure it was Ms. Kalland and Ontari?”

“Yes,” Lexa nodded. “Why would they want to alter that world? I don’t understand.”

Indra reached out a hand and placed it on her shoulder. “Lexa, think. This is Nia Kalland. The woman is ruthless and vain. She thrives on power and being in charge.”

“She would not take kindly to the fact that she’s not the most powerful person in all the universes,” Lexa finished for her.

“I would think not.”

“Okay, so what do we do? I can’t just sit here and wait for them to destroy the very fabric of our reality.”

“No, we can’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUs referenced in Chapter Eight
> 
> in love and war and politics by centuriesofexistence  
> don't wanna be your girl by faithtastic


	9. When the Going Gets Tough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Canon-Typical violence
> 
> It's nothing too graphic or gory, but I just wanted to give y'all a heads up in case that kind of stuff isn't your thing.

****It was well into the evening by the time Lexa stumbled into her house. The talk with Indra had taken up more time than she expected, and honestly, it raised more questions than answers. The viator and auctor had done little more than hash out numerous solutions, each one more implausible than the last. They had finally called it a night as Indra resigned to meet with her auctor group the following weekend.

A week. Lexa had to wait an entire week to get answers to this. She tossed her keys on the entry table haphazardly and didn’t even bother to pick them up after they slid off to the floor.

“Lexa?” Clarke’s husky, sleep-strained voice cut through Lexa’s frustrations like a hot knife through butter. Her head whipped around to find the beautiful blonde curled up on her couch. “How’d it go?”

Lexa felt her body relax as she made her way over to the couch. Clarke sat up and lifted the corner of a blanket, making room for Lexa. She happily obliged. Clarke waited patiently for Lexa to answer, and she was beyond grateful that the blonde understood her well enough to let her compose herself before speaking.

“I got a few answers, but not nearly enough,” Lexa said tersely. Her muscles tensed as she felt a soft hand gently caress her arm. The tension was only fleeting though. One look at the soft understanding blue eyes staring back at her and Lexa felt her shoulders drop.

“When we were in that universe today, Nia was supposed to die. But she prevented it. And when we were cornered in the alley, Ontari called me ‘Hayes.’ This reality, this world here, is to my knowledge, the only place where I have that last name. She could not have known that unless she was from our universe.” Lexa paused to see if Clarke needed further explanation. When the blonde said nothing, she continued.

“Indra and I believe that Nia, and perhaps Ontari, are also viators. But that is really rare to have more than one per source universe, and the only other documented case that Indra knows of did not end well. Both viators altered the natural order of their source world and caused a lot of innocent people to die, including themselves.”

“Okay, but you don’t want to alter the natural order, so that won’t happen this time,” Clarke consoled.

“You don’t understand. When the source world gets altered, Indra said it can alter this reality. We don’t know how, but the last time a lot of people died. And we couldn’t figure out how to stop her. I was there for hours and we don’t have a fucking clue what to do. Indra’s meeting with her group of auctors in a week. We won’t know more for a _week_.”

Lexa squeezed her eyes shut and hung her head in her hands. Her whole body shook with frustration and anger. It wasn’t enough that Nia had to have control and power over her in this reality, now Nia was threatening the entire fabric of _everyone’s_ reality. Including Clarke’s.

“Lexa,” Clarke reached her hand under the blanket and softly gripped Lexa’s thigh. “I’m not going to sit here and tell you it’s going to be okay, that everything is fine. I don’t know enough about all this to make those kinds of promises. But I am going to tell you that I trust you.”

“Why?”

“Both times I was in that source universe, I felt everything that Clarke did. She, well I guess it’s still me in a weird way, so I, I knew how good you were. I _know_ how good you _are_. You put your people before yourself, I could see that. I _can_ see that. You would take a bullet for any one of them.”

Lexa shuddered at Clarke’s choice of words. She had not yet seen Lexa’s demise in that universe. Lexa’s stomach knotted, and she let out a shaky breath. Tears burned behind her eyes, but she held them in. Dreaming of her death every night, dying in Clarke’s arms every night was awful, but the realization that she now had the possibility to lose her here too was nearly overwhelming.

“Hey, Lexa?” Clarke’s voice cut through her thoughts. “There’s something I don’t understand.”

Lexa rubbed her eyes, sufficiently quelling the last of her tears, and sat up. She swallowed down the last bit of the pity she felt for herself and waited for Clarke to continue.

“If altering that source universe is supposed to have a ripple effect here, why hasn’t anything changed?”

"What?”

“I just mean, you said Nia was supposed to die and she didn’t, that she altered the natural order, but we’re here now and nothing is different.”

Lexa’s mind was racing. Clarke was right. Why hadn’t they felt any changes here? Was Indra’s theory wrong? Were they safe in this reality? Maybe the changes weren’t significant enough? Maybe the source world wasn’t all that different? There really was only one way to find out.

“I’m going back to the source universe. I want to see how Nia being alive has changed everything.”

“I’m coming with you,” Clarke said instantly.

“No, Clarke,” Lexa protested, shaking her head. “I can’t risk that. I don’t know what I’m going to be hopping into; I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I thought we’ve already been through this. I don’t need your protection, and I’m not letting you handle this on your own.”

“Clarke, I’ll only be away a moment. You won’t even realize I’m gone, remember?”

Before the blonde could argue any further, Lexa steadied her mind. She decided to visit a scene immediately following the Ice Queen’s death. She pictured the lush greenery, the smell of the upcoming storm, the sound of distant thunder. Lexa felt two warm hands grab her own.

She blinked. She sat tall upon a horse, reigns in her hands. She was in the middle of a processional. She turned to her right, Clarke gazed off into the distance. So far, so normal. Lexa gave in to the world and let herself react on instinct.

“Thinking about home?” Lexa asked.

“Thinking about whether Arkadia is home. When I left it had a different name. I was different,” Clarke answered.

“You left a hero to your people. And you return one. The Mountain Slayer returns with the body of the Ice Queen. You bring them justice.” Lexa heard herself say. The body of the Ice Queen. Nia. Nia was dead, just as she was supposed to be. The world had reset. Nothing was altered.

“You bring them justice,” Clarke retorted with a small smirk.

“We bring them peace,” Lexa bantered, offering a rare smile to the blonde in this world. Lexa’s smile faltered as she remembered the hundreds of dead bodies lying just beyond sight in the distance ahead.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Clarke turn her head and look back at the body of the Ice Queen. Lexa mirrored her, and as she did, she realized that this was not a familiar sequence of events. She shot her head back to Clarke, eyes wide with anger.

“Clarke,” she whispered heatedly under her breath. Clarke gave her the slightest of shrugs and what she could only interpret as an insincere apologetic face. Without another moment of hesitation, Lexa reached out and grabbed the blonde’s wrist. She steadied her mind and breathing and thought of home.

She blinked and looked down. Clarke’s hands firmly grasped her own. She dropped them violently.

“Clarke! What were you thinking? Why did you do that? I had no idea what I was hopping into! It could have been dangerous. It could have been a situation where we weren’t even together! And how would I have known to come find you? You could have gotten stuck there, without me! Clarke-”

“Lexa, relax. It’s fine,” Clarke said calmly.

“It’s not fine! Don’t you get it? People died the last time a universe was severely altered. _People_ died. Not just the viators. Innocent people. We don’t know how or why they died!” Lexa’s voice turned ice cold. She glowered at the blonde woman sitting next to her.

“Lexa-” Clarke tried to appease, her face turning to hurt surprise at Lexa’s outburst.

“No, Clarke. Don’t,” Lexa interrupted. Guilt pooled in the bottom of her stomach as she looked at the blonde. Lexa softened her face and quietly admitted, “You can’t put yourself at risk like that.”

“I want to help. You don’t have to carry this burden alone,” Clarke recaptured Lexa’s hand. She gently rubbed calming circles with her thumb. “You said that I am in every universe with you. That we’re together. We’re stronger together. Let me help you.”

“We are, but… Clarke, I don’t survive in that universe. I die. And if we hopped there and I was captured or on my death bed or already dead, Clarke, I don’t even know- I can’t… I wouldn’t be able to protect you. Don’t you see? I can’t lose you. I can’t lose you like I…” Lexa trailed off as she felt the sting of tears begin to form behind her eyes. She quickly turned her head from Clarke, hoping the blonde didn’t see the obvious emotion.

“Like what, Lexa? Please,” Clarke’s voice was soft and sweet. Lexa wanted to confide in her, to tell her of the death of her first love. She wanted to take the comfort the blonde no doubt would give. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t tell her that she was the reason Costia was dead. That it was her fault. Lexa never shared that with anyone. The only other person who knew the truth was Nia.

Turning her body back to Clarke, Lexa steeled her face, “It’s not important. Just promise me you won’t do that again. That you won’t throw yourself on a hop without me knowing. Swear it,” Lexa said mustering all the strength she could.

“I swear, Lexa. I… I’m sorry. I didn’t know about your… death.” Clarke wavered.

Lexa threw the blanket off her legs and stood, “It’s fine.” She made her way to the kitchen and filled her electric kettle with water. While she waited for the water to boil, Lexa forced herself to relax. She was fairly certain Clarke was sitting in her living room confused, hurt, anxious, terrified, and all-around concerned. It wasn’t fair to keep her so far in the dark, so far on the outside. Just hours ago, Lexa had decided to learn from her other universes, to give in and be with Clarke. To allow her to make her stronger. And here she was, shutting her out, keeping secrets, being cold.

Lexa carried two steaming mugs of tea back into her living room. Clarke watched her with cautious eyes and the sight tore a hole in Lexa’s heart. Clarke had been through so much today, and she had taken it all extremely well and gracefully. Lexa hoped this tea would serve as a peace offering.

“Tea?” Lexa asked, cautiously holding a mug out for Clarke.

“Thanks,” the blonde said, bringing the mug to her lips. “Mmm, what kind is this? I don’t recognize it.”

“Lady Grey.”

“You mean Earl Grey?”

“No, Lady Grey. It’s a different kind altogether. Subtler with more citrus notes than the earl version. It’s my favorite.”

“It’s good,” Clarke said appreciatively. “By the way, while you were in the kitchen, you’re phone kept buzzing.” Clarke gestured to the coffee table.

Lexa sat beside Clarke, their legs touching and grabbed her phone.

**_Ontari Veri_ ** _: I know what you are._

_I know about Griffin._

_Come back and play._

Lexa felt the blood drain from her face. Not from the knowledge that Ontari knew about her, but that she knew about Clarke.

“What is it? Are you okay?”

“It’s Ontari. She’s trying to taunt me.”

“What?”

Lexa handed her phone over to Clarke.

“You can’t go. Lexa, it’s a trap,” Clarke tossed the phone to the side. She turned her body to face Lexa head on. “You know it’s a trap. They have the upper hand here.”

The phone vibrated on the couch cushion. Clarke grabbed the phone. Lexa saw Clarke’s eyes widen. She saw the color drain from her face.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Lexa implored.

“You got another text. Ontari sent an image,” Clarke’s voice quivered uncharacteristically.

“Clarke?” Lexa asked, taking the phone from trembling hands. Lexa unlocked the phone and opened the message. It was a photo of a charcoal sketch. Other than her obvious resemblance, the sketch was very familiar. Lexa had seen it before. In Clarke’s apartment earlier this week.

“I drew that last weekend. After I saw you at The Tower. That sketchbook doesn’t leave my apartment, Lexa,” Clarke stuttered.

Realization dawned on Lexa. Ontari was in Clarke’s apartment or had been recently. Lexa felt her heart drop to the pit of her stomach. Her mouth dried. If Clarke had gone home when she went to see Indra, if she hadn’t stayed at her house… _Oh, god._ Lexa’s phone vibrated again.

**_Ontari Veri:_ ** _Your girlfriend is talented. She really captured your likeness, don’t you think?_

All rational thoughts flew from her mind. Clarke was being threatened, and Lexa could do something to stop it. She had to. Clarke was in danger.

“I have to go back in.”

“No, you can’t. You’re doing exactly what she wants!” Clarke shouted, pulled from her fear of her privacy being violated by the fear of Lexa doing something reckless.

“I know, but what else am I supposed to do? She’s threatening you. _You_ , Clarke! She’s in your apartment. I know what kind of person Ontari is in the source universe, and if she’s even half has dangerous here as she is there… I can’t just do nothing.”

“You’d be going in blind. Who knows what they have planned. You can’t do this.”

“I won’t be going in alone,” Lexa said as she looked deep into Clarke’s eyes. There was no use denying this any further. She and Clarke were in this together. They always were. Lexa was not about to waver back and forth any longer. She needed Clarke. She wanted Clarke.

“What?” Clarke’s voice was sharp and dripped with surprise.

“You were right, Clarke. I mean, you absolutely _weren’t_ right about hijacking my hop earlier, but you were right about being in this together. We are stronger together. We always are.”

“Are you sure?” Clarke asked cautiously, no doubt fully expecting Lexa to rethink her decision.

“If you’re sure, then I’m sure,” said Lexa with absolute certainty. Clarke smiled and gave an enthusiastic nod. Lexa returned the gesture before typing a quick response to Ontari.

**_Lexa Hayes_ ** _: Where? When?_

**_Ontari Veri:_ ** _Nice to see you aren’t a total waste_

_Throne room. Morning of your soulou gonplei, before the challenge is issued._

_Make sure you’re alone._

**_Lexa Hayes_ ** _: One hour_

**_Ontari Veri_ ** _: Done_

Lexa dropped her phone on the table in front of her before returning Clarke’s anxious gaze.

“We have one hour.”

“Well, then, let’s get started.”

—

Lexa sat on her throne, the shadows of its twisted wood and spears etched on the floor in front of her. She pulled her dagger out of its hilt and ran her fingers over the cool sharp blade. Her ears perked up at the sound of approaching footsteps. She straightened her back and adjusted the grip on her dagger as the heavy doors swung open.

“Ontari,” Lexa greeted flatly. She slammed the point of her blade into the armrest of her throne, never releasing the grip.

“Hayes, still have that flair for the dramatic, I see,” Ontari sneered as her eyes darted from the dagger back to Lexa.

“What do you want, Ontari?” Lexa asked with a slight bite in her voice.

“We want you. You are the key” she shrugged.

“We?” Lexa asked raising an eyebrow.

“Don’t play dumb, Hayes. You know I’m working with Nia.” Lexa barely shrugged her shoulder. She did know about Nia. She just wanted to get a rise out of Ontari. If there was one thing she learned from the Lexa in this world, it was that people could be controlled by their emotions, and Ontari was easy to manipulate.

“What do you want from me?” Lexa asked again.

“Your help.”

“You really think I’m going to help you with anything after you threatened Clarke?”

“Oh, Hayes, you’re so weak. You can’t see beyond your little reality. You don’t deserve the power you have.”

Lexa felt her mouth twitch in a minuscule smirk. Ontari had just let another piece of information slip. “Surely you mean the power _we_ have?”

Lexa registered the flash of anger wash over the brunette in front of her. Ontari was no viator. Nia was the only one with true power. Ontari was only here at her bidding, just as she was in reality. Ontari curled her hand into a fist of frustration.

“Hayes, you really don’t have a choice here. Either you help us willingly, or we force you to help us. Bring her in,” Ontari commanded. She stepped to the side as two Azgeda warriors dragged in a struggling body.

Lexa felt the pit of her stomach bottom out. Clarke was in distress, powerless, arms bound behind her back, and a gag tightly tied in her mouth. She had a fresh bruise and deep cut on her cheek, the blood still trickled down the curve of her face. The guards carelessly dropped their hold on Clarke’s arms, and the blonde fell to her knees with a sickening thump. Lexa sat forward in her throne, her hands gripped the armrests as she struggled to remain calm.

This was part of the plan. Lexa and Clarke had planned on this. They knew Ontari and Nia would use the Clarke in this universe just as they used her in their reality. They knew she would be captured and brought before Lexa as a bargaining tool. They counted on it. Unfortunately, all that knowledge had not prepared Lexa for the sight of Clarke like that and the guttural reaction it caused.

“You actually surprise me, Hayes. I expected more of a reaction from you,” Ontari shrugged. “No matter, I can still be persuasive.”

Ontari stalked over to Clarke, drawing a dagger from her boot as she went. Lexa watched helplessly as Ontari violently grabbed Clarke under one arm and pulled her standing. Lexa inched forward in her seat as her muscles tensed. She wanted to run to Clarke. She wanted to kill Ontari.

Lexa stilled as Clarke’s blue eyes met hers. The blonde gave the slightest of shakes with her head. Lexa didn’t need to hear words to understand the message Clarke was sending her. Stay strong, don’t react. Not yet. _Not yet_.

“Last chance, Hayes. Will you help us?” Ontari snarled.

Lexa shifted her steely gaze to Ontari. She raised her chin slightly and said nothing. She merely watched as Ontari moved behind Clarke. She watched as the woman grabbed the hem of Clarke’s shirt. She watched as soft skin was exposed. She watched as a sharp blade cut a deep line into the once perfect abdomen. She watched as red stained white. She watched as Clarke’s face twisted in pain. She watched as a single tear rolled down her soulmate’s cheek.

Lexa’s eyes flicked up to Ontari and felt her blood boil. The woman was smiling. Smiling like a kid eating birthday cake. Ontari fucking Veri was enjoying this. She was enjoying torturing someone. And not just anyone. Clarke. Her Clarke.

Ontari’s cold brown eyes found Lexa’s as she moved her dagger to make another cut. Unable to contain herself any longer, Lexa stood swiftly, her hand wrapped around the hilt of her dagger, and she wrenched it from the armrest. She bounded from her elevated throne.

“Nah, ah,” Ontari teased. She grabbed a fistful of blonde hair and pulled it violently down. Clarke’s throat exposed and Ontari pressed her blade to a vulnerable neck. “You can stop this, Hayes. Agree to help us, and I’ll let her go.” Ontari pressed the blade harder against Clarke’s throat. Lexa inhaled sharply as a bubble of blood peaked from under the dagger.

Clarke’s breathing became jagged and quick as Lexa froze in her tracks.

This was not part of the plan. Lexa was supposed to wait, but she couldn’t wait any longer. She couldn’t bear to see the pain and fear in Clarke’s eyes, not when she could do something about it. Lexa inhaled deeply through her nose, she felt her chest rise and then fall as she exhaled.

Screw the fucking plan. Plans change.

“You want my help? You tell Nia to come ask for it. I won’t deal with _you_ any longer. You have no power here,” Lexa taunted, raising her dagger to point at Ontari.

That got the reaction she was hoping for. Ontari was so predictable. The woman couldn’t think beyond her pride. Ontari’s lip curled into a grimace as she shoved Clarke to the side. She growled as she lunged at Lexa, dagger slashing carelessly through the air. Lexa easily avoided the foolhardy attack in a single step. She used the momentum of her attacker to her advantage and effortlessly threw Ontari to the ground. Lexa slid down to Clarke’s side and swiftly cut the bonds behind her back.

Clarke’s eyes widened in fear, and that gave Lexa just enough warning to block a heavy swing of a sword with her dagger. The speed and power of the slash were too much, and the sword easily slid along the small blade. Lexa hissed as black blood seeped from a gash in her upper arm. She quickly swung her leg out, catching the guard behind his knees. She righted herself as the Azgeda warrior fell to the ground.

“Teik em au!” Lexa bellowed. Before the final word left her mouth, she saw the curtain behind her fly open. Indra rushed in, two swords in hand. Her auctor quickly handed her a sword and stood by her side, ready to take on the enemies in the room. 2 vs 3, not bad odds. Lexa flipped her dagger in the air and caught it by the blade. She blindly handed the small weapon to the woman behind her. She smiled as she felt Clarke stand and arm herself.

“Only if you absolutely have to,” Lexa whispered over her shoulder needlessly reminding Clarke. They had been over this part of the plan several times. Lexa and Indra could rely on this universe’s versions of themselves to fight, but Clarke had no training with blades. It was best if she only engaged if she had no other choice.

Lexa didn’t have time to wait for a response as the two Azgeda warriors quickly advanced towards them. Indra yelled her war cry and bravely jumped head first into the fight, Lexa a mere second behind her. Swords clashed and clanged, and it was quickly clear that while formidable, the Azgeda stood no chance against them.

Lexa was about to deliver a disabling strike to the warrior she was fighting when she quickly thrust her sword up to deflect a swift blow from her left. Ontari advanced viciously towards her, swinging her sword with surprising control and power. Lexa had to back away while defending each assault.

She spared a glance at Indra, who seemed to have the two Azgeda under control now that a familiar dagger was protruding from the neck of one of them. Clarke stood to the side, her hand covered in blood. The moment Lexa had taken to survey the scene was a moment not wasted on Ontari. The woman landed a swift kick to Lexa’s abdomen, sending her flying to the ground. The force of her body hitting the floor sent her sword sliding across the room. Weaponless with the dangerous enemy approaching her, Lexa scrambled to regain her footing. She backed up further and further, trying to plot her next move, as Ontari edged closer and closer. Ontari could taste victory.

“I can’t help you if you kill me,” Lexa muttered, trying to distract Ontari and buy herself some much needed time.

“Begging for your life, Hayes? You are so pathetic and weak. Do you know what happens to the weak? They die. But don’t worry, this universe resets when we leave. And we can do this over and over again until I wear you down or until you get tired of seeing your little girlfriend bleed.”

The backs of Lexa’s knees hit a hard object. Her hands reflexively shot out to steady her body. She gripped the armrest of her throne. Lexa let her lips curl into a slight smirk. Her focus shifted back to the approaching Ontari. Ontari pulled her sword back, ready to thrust into Lexa. As the sword made its way towards her, Lexa spun away behind the throne. She heard the sword clang into the metal back of the grand chair.

Lexa grabbed the hilt of one of the spears attached to the back of her throne and pulled with all her strength. She smiled as the top of the spear broke free. She registered the movement out of the corner of her eye and turned just in time to see Ontari thrust her sword once more towards her. Lexa parried the attack and caught the arm of Ontari between her own arm and her side. The movement opened Ontari’s body dangerously, and Lexa drove the blade of the broken spear deep into the top of Ontari’s chest.

Lexa watched as Ontari’s eyes widened in surprise. Black blood spilled from her mouth and fatal wound. Lexa pulled the spear from Ontari’s chest and let her body crumple lifelessly at her feet. She dropped the broken spear as her stomach was hit with a sick feeling. This was wrong. This wasn’t how Ontari was supposed to die. Hell, Lexa wasn’t even aware if Ontari was supposed to die at all in this universe.

She stumbled over to her shocked auctor and soulmate. They stood over two lifeless Azgeda bodies. Wordlessly Lexa held out her hands. Clarke and Indra took them without hesitation, and Lexa thought of home.

She blinked. She was sitting on the floor of her house, Clarke to her left, Indra to her right, and all holding hands. Lexa dropped her hands and threw her arms around Clarke. She slid her hand up Clarke’s back and cradled her head against her shoulder. Lexa felt her own shoulder begin to dampen. She pulled back to see silent tears running down Clarke’s cheek.

“I’m so sorry, Clarke,” Lexa said softly, reaching a hand up to wipe away her tears. “I know we assumed they’d threaten you, but I didn’t think she would-“

“It’s okay, I’m okay,” Clarke said with more resolve than she was showing.

Lexa new Clarke was putting on a brave face. She knew she could still feel the blade slicing through her skin. She knew Clarke could still feel the terror of being tortured. Lexa lowered her voice to a soft whisper, “I never meant for you to experience that.”

The two women sat, cradled into each other for a few minutes, completely oblivious to the other person in the room. After a tasteful amount of time, Indra cleared her throat and spoke up,“Sorry to interrupt, but I have a theory I’d like to run by you.”

“Theory?” Lexa asked as she finally dropped her protective hold on Clarke and turned to face her auctor.

“About all of this. Lexa, you got Ontari to confess that she is not a viator, that Nia has been taking her on the hops. She told you that you are the key, that they need your help. I can only assume that Nia needs your power to alter the universe. It makes sense. No other viator has ever altered the universes beyond repair. The only known case is the one I told you about, the one where there were _two_ viators in that world.”

Lexa stared at Indra impassively.

“Lexa, it wouldn’t surprise me if the first time Nia was successfully able to alter the source world was when you were there with her this afternoon. She had to realize this. She needs you.”

“I won’t let her use me. I won’t let innocent people die like the last time. I just won’t hop to that universe ever again. Easy,” Lexa deadpanned.

“Theoretically easy, but they got you to hop this time. Do you really think she’ll give up?”

“No, she won’t. Fuck,” Lexa breathed. She rolled her eyes to the ceiling and bit her bottom lip in frustration. Nia wouldn’t give up. She had spent the last 13 years making Lexa do everything she wanted her to. She had power over her. She had information that could ruin her. And now she knew about Clarke. Nia had already made it clear through Ontari’s actions that she had no qualms about using Clarke as another weapon in her arsenal against Lexa.

“Lexa, what is it?” Clarke asked quietly. Lexa gave her a small smile, hiding her surprise that Clarke could read her emotions so easily. Instead of answering the blonde’s question, Lexa turned to Indra.

“Indra, thank you for your help today. I… We would not have been able to win without you. Your contribution was invaluable. I just need some time to process. Is that alright with you?”

“Of course, Lexa. You’re my viator. I will always be here when you need me. Get some rest. We’ll meet again tomorrow, yes?” Indra demanded more than requested. She stood and waited for Lexa to agree.

“Yes,” she said matter-of-factly. There was no use to deny it. They did need to meet and discuss the events that just happened.

Satisfied with Lexa’s concession, Indra turned to Clarke before exiting the house, “Ms. Griffin, always a pleasure.”

Lexa locked the door behind her taking extra care to slide the chain lock into place as well as setting her home alarm. She wasn’t about to take any unnecessary risks, not when Clarke’s apartment had already been broken into. She had just finished typing in the code when she heard a husky voice ask, “Would you like me to leave too?”

“No!” Lexa said spinning around to see an anxious blonde. Realizing her response was a little too quick, she added more slowly, “No, you can’t go back to your apartment. It’s not safe.”

“Lexa, I know I’m new to all this, and I don’t know much about Nia, but you seem genuinely afraid of her. And whenever she gets brought up, I can see it in your eyes, there’s something there. Would you like to talk about it?”

“Clarke, I-”

“It’s okay if you don’t. I understand, I just thought that if you needed to talk, but no one has ever asked, I just thought I’d offer to listen-”

“Clarke,” Lexa interrupted. “I want to tell you. I do, I just… I just need a little more time.”

“Okay, it’s okay,” Clarke said as she leaned forward. The kiss was as soft as it was sad. Just a simple gesture of comfort. The moment was interrupted by the buzzing of a phone. Lexa picked up the device to see a local news notification.

**_Breaking News_ **

_Body of Young Woman Found on Bragg Street_

The headline wasn’t too terribly telling or all that unusual, but something was causing the hairs on the back of her neck to stand on end. She swiped on the notification and waited impatiently as the article loaded. Lexa dropped her phone to the ground as the image of an oh-so-familiar face flooded her screen.


	10. All Cried Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of suicide

**L** exa murdered Ontari Veri.

Not just in the source world, but in this reality. Ontari was dead. Gone. And it was all Lexa’s fault.

When Indra had voiced her theory to Lexa over the phone, she took it seemingly well. She heard as her auctor explained that since Ontari died outside of the natural order in the source universe, she died in this reality as well. She heard as Indra assured her there was no evidence to link her to Ontari’s death, that there were actually no marks on her whatsoever. To this world, it merely appeared as if Ontari’s heart had just stopped beating. Lexa heard all of those things, but she wasn’t listening. The only thing she listened to was the simple fact that she took another life.

Lexa ended the phone call and stared blankly at the black-mirrored screen. She killed a person. Another person was no longer breathing because of her.

“Lexa? What did she say? Is she dead because… Did she die from…” Clarke faltered.

“Yes,” was all Lexa could muster. She heard her emotionless voice and felt her perfect defense mechanism build on her face. She was shutting down. “I killed Ontari. She is dead here because I sank a spear into her chest in the source world.”

“You didn’t… It’s not your fault,” Clarke tried to console, but Lexa knew Clarke would never look at her the same way. Not ever. Not now that she knew Lexa was capable of killing someone.

“Isn’t it though? I fought her. I drove the spear into her. I killed her. Me. It was all me,” Lexa said flatly.

“She attacked you, Lexa! She was torturing me! It wasn’t like you had a choice. And you thought the world would reset and she would be fine. You didn’t know-”

“Does that make it any better? I may not have known I could kill her permanently, but I wanted to kill her there. Isn’t that just as bad? To have no consideration or appreciation for human life? Those universes are real. They’re real. You felt the dagger cut your skin open. You felt it. It was real. And she felt it too. She felt her life drain from her as I pulled the spear from her body. She felt it all,” Lexa said woodenly.

Lexa could see that her behavior was disturbing Clarke, that she was more than likely scaring her. She knew her calm demeanor, her flat voice, and her stoic face was alarming. But she didn’t care. This was how she needed to process. Logic over emotions, head over heart.

“If you hadn’t done what you did, Ontari would have killed me there and I would be dead here. Or she would have killed you and you’d be the dead body found. It was self-defense. You’re not a monster, Lexa,” Clarke tried to reason quickly. Her voice was urgent and teetering on the verge of panic.

If only Clarke knew. Lexa was indeed a monster. She killed Ontari just as she killed Costia 13 years ago. “We are what we are, Clarke,” she shrugged. Commander Lexa certainly was right about that. There was no changing the past.

Clarke looked as if she had been punched in the face, “You can’t be serious, Lexa.” Clarke began to approach her with a heated gaze and a dangerous voice. “What’s going on? Why are you really shutting down right now?”

Clarke was so close to her now. Lexa began to step back to avoid the approaching blonde, matching her step for step. “Talk to me! Stop hiding from your past, whatever that may be. I know it has something to do with Nia. And I know you lost someone.”

Lexa felt the back of her thighs hit the dining table behind her. She gripped the edge to steady herself. Clarke leaned in threateningly. Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat before speaking, “It helps no one to dwell on the past, Clarke.”

“Then take your own damn advice and deal with it already!” Clarke shouted. She took a small step backwards, giving them both space to breathe. Lexa saw the anger on Clarke’s face turn to something softer. Was it concern, worry, empathy? Was it love? Maybe it was a combination of all four.

Lexa caught sight of Clarke’s blue eyes glistening. She watched as Clarke slowly and deliberately wiped away a single tear as it slid down her cheek. Lexa stilled. Clarke was not hiding her emotions. She did not care if Lexa saw her cry. She did not try to hide it, she seemed to embrace it. Lexa did her best to listen as her soulmate continued.

“Let me in. Let me help you. Fuck, Lexa. So much has happened in the last few hours. Can’t you see I’m in this with you? All the way? But I can’t help unless you tell me the whole truth. Trust me.”

Lexa squeezed her eyes shut in realization. Clarke was begging for the truth, and Lexa knew it was time. If Clarke could trust her with her emotions, Lexa should be strong enough to do the same.

But she hadn’t shared this part of her past with anyone. Not even Anya knew the whole story. Lexa knew it was time to own it. She needed to deal with it if she wanted any chance to defeat Nia. It was now or never.

“I do trust you, but I’m terrified. No one knows the truth besides Nia and me. I just don’t… I-”

Clarke interrupted her stutter and placed both hands on Lexa’s shoulders, stilling her. “Hey, I’m here for you. I’m sure we’ve dealt with worse in the other universes. I mean, I remember the source universe betrayal, and I got over that eventually. I can handle anything you tell me. I won’t leave. I promise.”

Before she could second-guess her decision, Lexa grabbed Clarke by the wrist and led her back to the living room. She carefully sat down on the couch, her hand still wrapped firmly around Clarke’s wrist. Clarke stood for a moment and looked into Lexa’s eyes before sitting herself on the far end of the couch. She was far enough away that their bodies didn’t touch, but close enough for her to remove her wrist from Lexa’s hold and gently intertwine their fingers. Lexa let out a choked exhale as Clarke guided their hands to rest in the space between them. She gave her a reassuring squeeze, filling Lexa with the last bit of courage she needed.

“When I was 15, I started dating Costia. She was lovely, warm, and caring. Her mother, Nia, was involved in her life. I mean, Nia was overbearing and ruthless even back then, but she cared. Even when she was drinking, which was pretty much all the time, she loved her daughter.”

Clarke began to trace small circles on the back of Lexa’s hand, urging her to continue.

“And I was completely in love. That kind of teenage love that seems so strong and unyielding that it could stop the world from turning. I was happy. Truly happy. And then she died. And it was my fault,” Lexa confessed.

As she finished, she tucked her chin to her chest and looked down, not able to bear looking at Clarke. She felt the cushion dip beside her as Clarke scooted closer. Lexa flinched as Clarke reached her hand out to lift her chin. Clarke hesitated for only a moment before continuing her motion. Face to face, Clarke tucked a few loose strands of hair behind Lexa’s ear. Her gaze focused on her task before sparing a glance at Lexa.

“Lexa, how did Costia die?” Her voice was quiet and hesitant. Lexa shuddered under the soft gaze and recalled the night that has haunted her for 13 years.

_Lexa was walking home from soccer practice when her phone started ringing. She pulled it from her pocket and flipped the phone open as she brought to her ear._

_“Hello?”_

_“Lexa? Oh, god. I’m sorry I called. You’re probably busy. I just... She just-” Costia wept._

_“Costia? Costia, calm down. I’m walking home from practice. What’s going on? Why are you crying?” Lexa felt the panic begin to build in her chest. Costia’s home life wasn’t perfect, but things were hardly ever bad enough for Costia to be crying over the phone._

_“My mom… She’s been drinking, again. And we… She… We got in a fight.”_

_Lexa gripped her phone tightly. Nia. She knew Nia was a borderline alcoholic. All the signs were there, and Lexa was quite familiar with what to look for having an alcoholic as a father herself. “Are you okay? Did she hurt you?”_

_“I’m fine. We were just arguing about you, and um, I’m pretty scared,” Costia admitted quietly._

_“Costia, where are you right now?”_

_“In my bedroom.”_

_“I’m coming over.”_

_“No, Lexa! Don’t. She’s really worked up, and she’s in one of her drunken rages. Please, she doesn’t- I mean she’ll kill- Please, stay away.”_

_“Costia, you’re upset. I can’t stay away. I won’t come through the front door, okay? I’ll climb that tree by your window again. She won’t even know I’m there, I promise. I’ll just stay with you until everyone calms down. That sound alright?”_

_“Lexa, I… okay.”_

_“Good, because I’m already walking down your block. I’ll be there in just a few minutes. Do me a favor and open your window. I’ll see you soon.”_

_“Lexa?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“Thank you.”_

_“Anytime.”_

_Lexa smiled as she flipped her phone shut, ending the call. Stuffing the phone into her pocket, she quickened her pace, desperate to reach her girlfriend and comfort her. Nia often fought with her daughter. Lexa hated to see Costia worked up, but she knew Nia was mostly all talk. She never made the leap to violence while in a drunken rage. Still, Lexa was more than happy to provide whatever comfort she could. That entire family had been there for her more times than her own in the past few years, and Nia was a good person deep down. Just blinded by booze on more than one occasion._

_Lexa hopped over the tall wooden fence in front of her and made her way to the towering pecan tree near the home. She walked around the trunk and found the notches she had used before. She effortlessly ascended the tree, finding the familiar branches as she went. Lexa planted her feet on a thick branch and carefully scooted her way to her girlfriend’s bedroom window. The window was opened just a crack and as she reached to lift it up enough to climb through, she heard loud angry voices booming in the house._

_“You stupid girl! Are you really about to choose her over your own mother?”_

_“She hasn’t done anything-”_

_“Her very presence is a disgrace to me.”_

_Lexa slid through the window and landed softly on the hardwood floor. She snuck soundlessly to the partially opened bedroom door and peeked out. Costia stood with her back pressed against the second-floor landing railing as Nia yelled in front of her. Lexa could see the rage oozing out of Nia’s skin. This was the worst she has ever seen her, and she’d seen drunk Nia enough times for that to mean something._

_“Mom! I love her, okay? I can’t choose you over her when there’s nothing to fight about. You used to like Lexa too!”_

_“I have told you what she has done! I’ve shown you!”_

_“What you showed me doesn’t make any sense!”_

_Lexa rushed from the room to her girlfriend’s side. She had seen the look in Nia’s eyes. A look that she was all too familiar with from her own past dealings with a drunk parent. Nia had never reached the point of violence before, but Lexa could see she wasn’t far off tonight. And she was not about to let Costia deal with that on her own._

_“Lexa, what are you-”_

_As Lexa bounded closer to the arguing women, she saw the look of surprise in Costia’s wide eyes. Lexa’s tunnel vision caused her to miss the bunched up rug at her feet. She caught her toe on the fabric and as she tumbled forward, she felt her shoulder crash into something hard and soft at the same time. She heard a sharp gasp and watched in horror as Costia toppled backwards over the railing._

_Lexa threw both her arms through the gaps in the railings, frantically grasping at Costia’s falling body. She felt clothing and skin slipping through her outstretched hands. Lexa could only watch in wide-eyed terror as Costia slipped through her fingers._

_The crash that followed a split second later didn’t even register in her mind. She didn’t remember running down the stairs. She didn’t remember the broken table or the way Costia’s body laid unnaturally on the marble floor. She didn’t remember throwing her body over her girlfriend’s still one._

_“Lexa! What have you done?” Nia’s voice boomed in her ears._

_“I-” Lexa choked._

_“You’ve killed her.”_

_“No! I didn’t,” Lexa stuttered. She looked up at the landing above. It was only one story up. Costia couldn’t be dead. It was too short a fall. “I didn’t mean to- I tripped- she fell- I tried to hold on-”_

_“You’ve killed my daughter.”_

_“No, Nia, please, she can’t be dead. It was only a short-”_

_“She’s dead. Look at her.”_

_Lexa gazed back at her girlfriend. Her vision was blurry with tears and shock._

_“Lexa, whether you meant to or not, Costia is dead. And it is your fault,” Nia’s voice was like ice. She walked closer to the scene of the crime and stared at her dead daughter. Lexa felt a shift in Nia, but she couldn’t place what it was. Nia’s voice was suddenly soft and comforting as she reached down and pulled Lexa into a gentle hug. “Lexa, dear? I’m going to fix this. I need you to go and sit in Costia’s room for me. Don’t go anywhere. Hand me your phone, Lexa,” Nia soothed. Lexa numbly reached into her back pocket and handed Nia her cell. “That’s it. Good. Now go on. Go to Costia’s room.”_

_It could have been minutes or hours, Lexa wasn’t sure about the amount of time she sat alone on Costia’s bed. She was in shock. Costia was dead. And Lexa had let it happen. Lexa pushed her. Lexa let her slip through her fingers._

_When Nia finally appeared, Lexa was barely able to see straight. She watched as Nia opened the laptop on Costia’s desk._

_“What are you doing?” Lexa asked blankly._

_“Writing the letter.”_

_“Letter?” she asked trying to shake the cobwebs from her brain. Something wasn’t right. What was happening? What was Nia doing?_

_“Costia killed herself, Lexa. This is her suicide note.”_

_“What? No, you can’t!” Lexa shot up from the bed finally understanding Nia’s purpose. “Costia would never do that! I did it. I pushed her. I’ll take responsibility! We can’t do this to her,” Lexa sputtered loudly._

_“Don’t be foolish, Lexa. You’re 16. You’ll be throwing your whole life away on an involuntary manslaughter charge. I’ll protect you,” Nia said as she finished typing on the laptop. Lexa was young enough and naive enough to sit there and do nothing._

_“Lexa, dear. All you have to do is support all that I say. Don’t contradict me. Understood?”_

Lexa finished recalling her memory and finally looked up to see Clarke’s tear stained face looking back at her.

“And so Nia covered up the murder of her daughter for me. She’s kept my secret for 13 years. She supported me through college, through my masters, and she got me the job at The Kalland Group. I owe her my life. But she’s also the most dangerous person I know. She staged her daughter’s murder as a suicide. Successfully. And I can’t…”

“Lexa, are you talking about Costia Talvi?”

“Yes, that was her name,” Lexa answered truthfully, somewhat shocked by the rather abrupt turn of the conversation.

“I remember hearing about her on the news. My entire school knew about her death. We had an assembly and everything… I didn’t realize that Nia Kalland was her mother.”

“Nia took her maiden name back when she divorced Costia’s father.”

“Lexa, I’m… I’m so sorry. About Costia. About the guilt you must feel.”

“It’s in the past. I can’t change it. But now you see what I’m capable of. I’ve killed two people. I’ve allowed someone to cover up one of them for 13 years,” Lexa stated plainly. She removed her hand from Clarke’s and challenged, “How are you still calm? How are you not terrified of me right now? I’m a killer. A monster. I’m not a good person.”

Clarke shook her head, “I told you before, and I’ll tell you again. You’re not a monster, Lexa. You went through something horrible. It was the worst, but I’m not going to judge you for a decision you made when you were a traumatized child. I can see who you are now, who you’ve become. And that’s all that matters to me. Thank you for sharing and trusting me with this. I know how hard that must have been for you.”

Lexa swallowed loudly and turned her head from the blonde’s loving gaze. She couldn’t handle seeing that acceptance in her eyes. She didn’t deserve it. Her body shivered as she felt Clarke’s hands grab her face and turn it back to hers.

“Hey, I’m not going anywhere. I’m in this with you. All of you.”

“Okay,” Lexa said, almost believing her words.

Clarke smiled sympathetically, “It’s alright if you need to cry, you know? I won’t tell anyone.”

“It’s fine, Clarke. I’m fine. I’ve had a long time to cry about it. I don’t need to anymore. I just want this all to be over. I don’t want to be controlled by Nia any longer. I don’t want my past to define my future.”

Lexa could see that Clarke knew the conversation was over. Lexa sighed in relief as Clarke thankfully changed the subject, “Okay, well, it’s getting late and I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty hungry. Mind if I raid your kitchen? I’ll whip us up something.”

“By all means.”

\-- 

The women sat at the dining table in silence. Lexa pushed her food around her plate absent-mindedly, occasionally taking a bite. The day weighed heavily on both of them. Clarke loudly dropped her fork on her half-finished plate, “Well, I guess I’ll clean this up and head home.”

“No, Clarke! You can’t leave!” Lexa exploded, nearly knocking her chair over as she rose from her seat.

“Lexa-”

“It’s not safe. Nia-” Lexa couldn’t finish her thoughts. Nia was still out there. Clarke was still in danger. Her apartment was a risk. If she left and something happened to her, it would be Lexa’s fault.

Clarke stood and pulled Lexa into a tight embrace. She whispered into her ear as she gently stroked Lexa’s back, “Okay. It’s okay. I’ll stay.”

Lexa let the tension leave her shoulders. She pulled herself far enough away to look Clarke in the eye, “Sorry, I just… I want to protect you. And your apartment still isn’t safe.”

“I get it. Um, do you think I could… would you mind if I took a shower before we go to sleep? I mean, we did climb up and down a mountain today,” Clarke added with a smile.

“Of course, there’s a guest room just through there. Towels are in the closet in the bathroom and the bed is comfy, so I’ve been told. You can borrow some of my clothes if you’d like.”

“Thanks, I’ll just… I’ll see you in a few minutes,” Clarke stammered as she walked down the hallway. Lexa stood silently by the dining table until she heard the shower turn on. She cleared the table and made her way into the kitchen, grateful for the mindless task of cleaning up. She needed a moment to herself. A moment to process everything that happened. And it was a lot.

It was a fucking truckload of shit.

A strange part of Lexa felt lighter. She had disclosed her deepest, darkest secret to Clarke, and Clarke was still here. She didn’t hate her. She didn’t blame her. She was still here. Albeit, things were a little more than awkward during dinner, but it definitely wasn’t the worse case scenario Lexa had always imagined.

Right then and there, as Lexa dried the last clean dinner plate, she decided to fuck it all. She and Clarke had been through enough today. She wasn’t going to dwell on it anymore. Clarke had made it abundantly clear she wasn’t going anywhere, and they deserved to push all this bad stuff to the side, if only for a little while. Time to salvage the night.

Lexa heard the water shut off in the guest bathroom. _Fuck_. She had forgotten to grab Clarke some clean clothes. Lexa turned swiftly on her heel and made her way quickly down the hall to her bedroom. She grabbed an old soccer t-shirt and sleep shorts. Lexa hesitated for a moment before grabbing a pair of clean underwear. She’d let Clarke decide which was weirder, going commando or wearing Lexa’s boy shorts.

Clothes piled in one hand, Lexa knocked lightly on her guest room door.

“Come in.”

Lexa opened the door and immediately thanked the powers that be for giving her years of practice at keeping an impassive face for Clarke was standing in the doorway to the bathroom in nothing but a towel. Lexa did her best not to stare as the woman in front of her combed her fingers through her damp hair and smiled at Lexa’s entrance.

“Clean clothes,” Lexa stated the obvious as she placed the neatly folded pile on the foot of the bed. Clarke gave her another smile, and she just nodded before practically fleeing the room.

Lexa made her way back to her own room and showered as quickly as she could. She dressed in her own sleep clothes before shuffling back into the living room. Clarke was sitting with her knees tucked up under her, sketching in the book Lexa had stuffed in her backpack earlier that day.

“What are you drawing?” Lexa asked as she plopped down next to her. Clarke didn’t answer; she just turned the sketchbook towards Lexa.

It was an incomplete drawing of Lexa’s face from the source world. The warpaint and heda charm were as unmistakable as Clarke’s talent with pencil and paper.

“You look different there. Your face is younger but harder. You’re softer in this reality,” Clarke expressed. She placed the book down on her lap and reached up to brush Lexa’s cheek. “But in both universes, your eyes are the same. Always so intense. Always portraying all the emotions you don’t let show on your face.”

Lexa leaned into the touch. “What are they telling you right now?”

“That you’re tired and overwhelmed. And that maybe you just want to forget all your troubles and responsibilities for a little bit.”

“You got all that from looking into my eyes?”

Clarke smirked, “Would you like to just curl up and watch a movie with me?”

“I’d love that, but on one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“You finish this sketch later. I love it.”

“Anything for you, Commander.”

Lexa sharply nudged Clarke with her shoulder before leaning back into the couch. She grabbed a few throw pillows and placed them just as she liked before she assumed her usual movie watching position. Her back was comfortably leaning into the corner and her legs were spread across the whole couch. Clarke huffed at the invasion of space, and Lexa only shrugged her shoulders and smiled as she grabbed the remote for the TV.

“Okay, I see how it is,” Clarke taunted.

Lexa inhaled sharply as Clarke crawled up in between her stretched out legs and laid her head firmly on Lexa’s chest. She buried her arms under Lexa’s back and sighed as she let her body weight rest on Lexa.

“You take up all the space on the couch, I get all up in your space.”

Lexa sat with both her arms awkwardly in the air. She had no idea what to do with them. She could feel Clarke’s triumphant smirk on her chest, and not wanting to give Clarke the satisfaction of completely flustering her, she dropped her free hand to the small of her back and gently slid her fingers under the soft fabric of her t-shirt. Lexa traced nondescript patterns on the warm skin and felt Clarke shudder at the contact.

“You look wonderful in my clothes, by the way,” Lexa whispered, placing a kiss to the mess of blonde hair on her chest.

Clarke hummed and squeezed her tighter in response. Lexa smiled to herself, enjoying the comfort that washed over her with the tight embrace, “How about The Princess Bride?”

“Is that an 80’s movie?” Clarke mumbled into her chest.

“You’ve never seen The Princess Bride?” Lexa gasped.

“Can’t say that I have.”

“Then we are definitely rectifying that problem right now.”

\--

Lexa lied in her own bed and stared at the ceiling. The rest of the evening had been relaxing with Clarke snuggled up on her chest throughout the whole movie. All tension and anxiety of the day’s events had temporarily vanished, but now that she was alone, the uneasiness came flooding back with a vengeance. Lexa tossed and turned for the better part of an hour before giving in and reaching for her tablet. She opened her ebook app and settled on an old favorite she’d read a dozen times. It wasn’t long before the familiar text lulled her into an uneasy sleep.

Lexa’s eyes shot open at the quiet sound. That was definitely her door opening and closing. She remained still as light footsteps approached her bed. She felt the bed dip behind her as a body crawled under the sheets. Lexa turned around to face a surprised blonde. Lexa let her mouth quirk up in a half smile as Clarke struggled to mask the utter sheepish embarrassment spreading over her face.

“Sorry, I couldn’t sleep,” Clarke conceded.

“Not comfortable? I can get you another blanket. A different pillow?”

“It’s not that. I just couldn’t sleep knowing you were so close, yet so far away. It was driving me crazy. Do you mind? I can go back. I don’t have to stay in here. I-”

“Clarke,” Lexa interrupted. “Roll over.” Lexa scooted herself closer and wrapped her arm around Clarke’s waist. She nuzzled her face in the blonde locks and inhaled. Clarke smelled of her own shampoo, but something else. Something inherently Clarke. It was intoxicating. Clarke’s body relaxed into her own, and Lexa allowed herself to begin to drift back to sleep.

“Lexa?” Clarke’s voice called out softly into the air.

“Hmm?”

Lexa felt Clarke’s body stiffen. There was clearly something on her mind. She could feel an internal struggle raging in Clarke’s head. Lexa heard the blonde release a long steady breath before whispering, “Goodnight.”

Lexa could tell Clarke lost that internal battle, but she didn’t pry. They’d had an utterly exhausting day, and if Clarke wanted to fight that battle another day, Lexa was more than happy to oblige. Besides, she was thoroughly enjoying the feeling of her body pressed tightly against Clarke’s back. Lexa simply smiled and whispered back, “Goodnight, Clarke.”


	11. Manic Monday

Lexa’s eyes fluttered open. She sleepily began to sit up before remembering she was not alone in her bed. She rolled over and met a mess of blonde hair in her face. Lexa smiled as she traced Clarke’s sleeping face with her eyes. She was so beautiful and peaceful in sleep.

“I can feel you staring at me,” Clarke mumbled. Lexa smiled sheepishly as Clarke opened her eyes. “Good morning.”

“Morning, Clarke. Did you sleep well?”

“Mmhmm, once I got up the nerve to come in here, I did. Sorry about that, by the way. Sneaking in here…”

“Can’t say I didn’t welcome it. I rather enjoy your persistent pursuits of me.”

“Good,” Clarke smirked. “Then hopefully you won’t mind this one either.” Clarke wrapped her arm around the back of Lexa’s neck and pulled herself into a kiss. Lexa sighed into the embrace and felt desire pool in her belly as Clarke wrapped her leg over Lexa’s.

All decent thoughts flew out the window. Without breaking the kiss, Lexa grabbed Clarke’s waist and used her considerable strength to roll Clarke on to her back. Lexa straddled the blonde and ran her hands up her body, finally resting them in the tangle of blonde hair. She pressed her body weight down and reveled in the sensation of Clarke beneath her.

The women tangled themselves in the sheets in their heated make-out session for several minutes. Lexa gradually slowed the pace and after finally placing a single peck, she pushed herself up on her forearms. Clarke was a goddess beneath her, lips kiss-bruised, face flush and warm, and chest heaving in desperation to find air that had been denied. Lexa’s eyes danced over the beautiful features and felt herself break into a genuine smile.

Lexa exclaimed in surprise as Clarke skillfully flipped their position and pinned her arms above her head. Lexa’s heartbeat accelerated as she struggled to steady her breathing. Clarke pressed down against her, tantalizingly close. Lexa could feel every flex of the blonde’s body, every slight movement. Clarke leaned in, her mouth inches from Lexa’s pulse point. She shuddered as the hot breath tickled her neck.

“Breakfast, Hayes,” Clarke stated firmly as she rolled off Lexa and stood by the bed in a single motion. Lexa lied there, in wide-eyed shock. After sparing herself a moment to compose whatever dignity she had left in her, Lexa sat up in bed and watched the blonde smile her way to the bedroom door.

“Now who’s the tease?” Lexa grumbled. With a heavy sigh, heavy heart and even heavier ache between her thighs, Lexa grudgingly rose from her warm bed.

\--

Lexa’s head whipped towards the front door. She slowly placed her tablet on the table in front of her and glanced over at Clarke. The blonde peered over her sketchbook, her eyes darting to the door as another loud rap echoed through the house.

“Are you expecting anyone else?” Clarke asked quietly.

Lexa shook her head. After seeing Indra this morning, she didn’t have anything else planned for the day. The three women had agreed to let things blow over and calm down. Nia hadn’t made any moves, and neither auctor nor viator had any better ideas on how to proceed. They would indeed just have to wait until Indra could meet with her auctor group next weekend.

Another sharp knock on the door caused Lexa to stand and cautiously make her way to the door.

“Hayes! Open up! It’s almost game time!”

Anya. It was Anya. _Shit_. It was Sunday. The USWNT played today, and Anya always came over to watch the game. She insisted on it claiming Lexa’s TV was bigger and couch comfier. Lexa knew that wasn’t the truth, that Anya really did it in an attempt to keep Lexa sociable on a semi-consistent basis. And honestly, it worked. If they had agreed to meet at a sports bar or at Anya’s, Lexa was the queen of believable excuses. Anya showing up at her house, beer and snacks in hand, well Lexa couldn’t easily get out of that.

“Fuck, it’s Anya. I forgot they were playing today,” Lexa grimaced to Clarke as she unlocked her door. Clarke looked back at her with utter confusion on her face.

Lexa pulled the door open and was immediately pushed to the side as the taller blonde woman rushed past her. “Fuck, finally. What were you doing? What took you so long to open the damn-”

Anya stopped mid-sentence as she spotted Clarke curled up on the couch, clearly wearing Lexa’s clothes. Lexa watched as her captain’s eyes grew comically wide. Anya dropped her voice so only Lexa could hear, “Hayes, nice.”

“Hey, Clarke! I didn’t know you’d be joining us for the game this afternoon,” Anya greeted. Lexa rolled her eyes. Of course Anya wasn’t going to leave. And she certainly wasn’t going to make this awkward-free. Anya shoved the bag of food and two six packs into Lexa’s arms. She grabbed two bottles and turned towards the couch. “Make yourself useful and put those in the fridge, will ya?” Anya called over her shoulder as she offered Clarke a beer.

Lexa grumbled to herself as she put the beer in the fridge and grabbed bowls for the snacks. She had been hoping for a relatively drama-free Sunday with Clarke. Just 24 hours when she wasn’t constantly agonizing over hopping into another universe or worried about Clarke finding out her secrets or murdering someone. _Fuck_. She had murdered someone. Lexa felt herself falling into that defense mechanism. She felt her wall begin to build.

No. Not again. She was going to deal with it this time. She wasn’t going to shut down. Clarke was here. Anya was here. The US Women’s National Soccer Team was playing in a few minutes. She was going to be okay. Lexa inhaled deeply, willing the simple act to clear her head before she made her way back into the living room.

Anya had already turned on the game and had decided to sit in the middle of the couch, right next to Clarke. Lexa fought the urge to punch Anya, kick her, tackle her, do something to get her to move, but instead she merely rolled her eyes to the ceiling and placed the food on the coffee table.

“Anya was just telling me that you always watch the games together?” Clarke asked, leaning forward to see around Anya.

“Yeah, years-long tradition, I’m afraid,” Lexa answered, sitting on Anya’s other side. Anya turned her head to Lexa and gave her a devilish smirk. She was definitely going to say something brash. Lexa did her best to stare back at her friend with as dangerous a face as she could. It might have worked on anyone else, but Anya had known her for a tad too long to truly be terrified of the impressively intense face Lexa knew she was sporting. She did smile internally as she saw Anya falter for a split second before she turned her attention to Clarke.

“Do you play soccer, Clarke?”

“Ha, no, I don’t. Not at all. Why do I look like I do?”

“Well, you are wearing a soccer t-shirt and soccer shorts. I just assumed… Unless they’re not your clothes,” Anya hinted with a smirk.

Lexa elbowed Anya hard in the ribs, “Anya!”

“What? I was just making conversation. We’re watching a soccer game. She’s wearing soccer clothes. It was an honest question,” Anya feigned innocently before taking a long sip from her bottle. She turned back to Clarke. Lexa braced herself knowing Anya wasn’t about to let an opportunity to embarrass her slip by.

“Tell me, Clarke, I’ve always wondered… Is Lexa as versatile off the field as she is on?”

“Jesus, Anya! Can we just watch the game?” Lexa snapped, hitting her friend in the arm.

“What? I’m just curious. Clarke, is she as good with her hands as she is with her-”

“I need a refill. Anyone else?” Clarke interrupted, suddenly standing up. Lexa’s eyes flicked down to the empty bottle in the blonde’s hands. Damn. She finished that quickly. Not that she could blame her. Anya was being increasingly aggravating and definitely teetering on the edge inappropriate.

“I’ll take another,” Anya said with an innocent smile. “Thanks.”

As soon as Clarke was past the couch, Lexa curled her hand into a tight fist, and with all her strength landed a punch directly to Anya’s upper arm.

“Holy fucking fuck, Hayes! That hurt. It’s going to bruise,” Anya blurted, rubbing her arm.

“Good. It was meant to.”

“Lexa, come on. I’m just teasing you. I’m happy for you, really. She seems great. And she clearly spent the night last night. I’m proud, okay?”

Lexa lowered her chin dangerously and seethed, “Fine. But stop with the innuendos. I mean it. I’ll aim for your face next time.” She huffed as she rolled her eyes at her best friend before adding, “And by the way, not that I’d tell you if it did, but nothing happened last night. She just slept over. It was just sleeping. Nothing else. So seriously, quit making her feel uncomfortable.”

Lexa just finished her threat as Clarke walked back into the living room carrying two bottles of beer. She set one in front of Anya and instead of taking her previous seat next to her, Clarke squeezed herself between Lexa and the arm of the couch. She swung her legs over Lexa’s and with her feet, pushed Anya to the other side of the sofa. “That’s better,” she mumbled. Lexa smiled brightly before glancing at Anya. She expected her to bite back somehow, to make a comment about Clarke’s bold play. Instead, Anya raised her beer in cheers to Clarke.

“Well met, Griffin,” Anya said earnestly clinking her bottle with Clarke’s. She shifted her gaze to Lexa, “She’s a keeper, Hayes. Don’t fuck this up.”

And with that, Anya turned her attention back to the game, and Lexa placed a sweet kiss on Clarke’s lips before turning her own attention to the game.

\--

Lexa crawled into her bed and waited for Clarke to make her way over before turning out her bedside lamp. The rest of the day had been relaxing. The USWNT had won easily, and Anya had actually managed to behave herself accordingly. Lexa only had to hit her once on the tender spot on her arm when Anya made some comment about soccer players going for 90 minutes in 11 positions.

After the game, Lexa managed to whip up a delightful meal and was pleased that Clarke easily relented to spending one more night. Lexa knew they had to live their lives eventually, that Clarke needed to go in to work in the morning, but she was more than happy to have her stay one more night. To know that she was safe for one more night.

As Clarke slid in next to her and laid her head down on the pillow, Lexa reached over to switch off the lamp.

“Wait, Lexa,” Clarke said sitting up. Lexa saw the hesitation written all over Clarke’s face. She remembered the previous night, how Clarke had clearly wanted to talk about something but lost her nerve. Lexa tensed her body in anticipation. “I’ve been thinking about something. About how Costia died.”

And there it was. Lexa’s body went rigid and her skin prickled.

Clarke saw the obvious change in body language and quickly continued, her voice growing urgent, “I’m sorry. I mean, I was just thinking about a detail from your story, and it doesn’t make any sense to me.”

“Clarke,” Lexa warned. She really didn’t want to discuss Costia’s death any further. She had already told Clarke the truth. She didn’t need to hash it out all over again.

“I don’t think it was your fault,” Clarke blurted.

Lexa shook her head; there was no need to argue this. It was Lexa’s fault. She knew it. She accepted it. “Clarke, it was. I fell. I pushed her. I didn’t catch her.”

“But that’s the thing, Lexa. I don’t think you did. Push her, I mean.”

“You weren’t there. You don’t know,” Lexa argued.

“I don’t think you could have caused her to fall over the railing. Railings are too high and if you were on the ground, you would have only hit her shins, knees at the highest. That would not have caused her to fall over the railing. If anything, you should have just knocked her to the floor.”

“Clarke, please don’t,” Lexa said looking away from the blonde woman. Clarke was just trying to understand things. She knew she was just trying to make sense of it all. To make Lexa feel better about her past, but there really was no point going down this road. She took a deep calming breath. “I know you’re just trying to help, but you can’t fix this.”

“I just think that it might be possible that you weren’t the one responsible for her death.”

“What are you suggesting? That she really did commit suicide? That she just threw herself over the railing?” Lexa snapped. She was losing her patience quickly, and her voice reflected that. “You didn’t know her. Costia would have never-”

“I’m not blaming Costia. I just think that, perhaps, I mean maybe… Maybe Nia pushed her.”

“Nia? Clarke, Nia would not kill her own daughter. She loved her.”

“Maybe. But maybe she was just really angry and really drunk. I mean, I don’t know why she would have covered it all up if you were really to blame. You said they were arguing about you. It didn’t sound like Nia approved of you. She should have just let the police have you. But she didn’t. She staged a suicide. She’s kept you under her thumb your entire adult life. Lexa, she framed you. She used you. She’s been using you. She has blackmailed you for years by using a false truth she fabricated to save her own ass. She manipulated the traumatic emotions of a 16-year-old child and has been keeping you hostage since. Costia’s death is on Nia. Not you.”

Lexa shook her head in defeat. Clarke was wrong. Costia’s death was on Lexa. Despite the growing heat of anger rising from her stomach, Lexa didn’t want to argue. “Clarke, can we please drop this for now?”

“Lexa, I...” Clarke shut her mouth as she registered the pained expression on Lexa’s face. “Okay, yeah. Let’s get some sleep.”

Lexa sighed and let Clarke curl up into her. She switched off the light and waited for sleep to take her. As she stared at the ceiling, drawing random patterns on Clarke’s arm, Lexa couldn’t help but wonder if some part of what Clarke said was true. Could it be possible that Nia may have had more of a hand in Costia’s death than she believed? There was no way. Lexa knew the truth. She was there. She remembered. But still, the ember of doubt began to burn hotter with each breath.

\--

“Lexa, this is ridiculous,” Clarke called from her shower, the sound of the water muffling her voice.

“I told you, I’m not leaving you alone in this apartment until I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it’s safe. And you agreed, remember?” Lexa piped back. She sat on the floor, her back against the wall next to Clarke’s bathroom. Clarke had to be mad if she honestly thought Lexa was going to let her come back here alone. Call it an abundance of caution. Call it overprotective. Actually, it didn’t matter what it was called, the simple truth was that while they hadn’t heard any news about Nia, that certainly did not mean the threat was gone.

“I remember, but it doesn’t make it any less ridiculous,” Clarke’s voice was right next to her and the proximity made Lexa jump. She hadn’t heard the water shut off or Clarke open the door. Lexa’s eyes roamed up all the exposed skin as Clarke stepped over her, wrapped in a short towel, and made her way to her bedroom to change. Lexa involuntarily licked her lips and bit her bottom lip as Clarke purposefully added a distinct hip sway to her walk as she passed by. _The teasing little shit._ Lexa stayed where she was on the floor, unable to fully compose herself.

“You can come in, you know?” Clarke called from the bedroom.

“Clarke,” Lexa warned.

The blonde poked her head out of the door. “Relax, I’m mostly dressed.” With that, Lexa pulled herself from the floor and joined Clarke in her bedroom. She gingerly sat on the corner of the bed and watched as Clarke finished getting ready for the day.

“So, you promise to text me today?”

“Yes, I promise to text you every hour on the hour and to respond as quickly as I can to any other text you send. I promise I will not leave the office, and if I absolutely have to, I will notify you first,” Clarke recited dramatically with her right hand over her heart and her left held up in the air. Lexa glared at her obvious mocking attitude but secretly appreciated that she remembered what they had discussed.

Clarke broke into an earnest smile. “Come on, Lexa. Don’t look so angry. I’ll be fine. I promise to drive straight to the office. No detours. And I’ll see you for lunch. We’re meeting at that diner across from Kalland, right? At 12:45?”

“Yes.”

“Good, so de-stress yourself a little. We’ll get through a few hours apart,” Clarke said as she approached Lexa. “It’s going to be fine. We’re going to be fine.” Clarke straddled Lexa’s legs and lowered herself on her lap. She wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck and twisted the little hairs that fell from the back of her ponytail around her fingers.

If there was a sound-clip for the definition of bedroom voice, Lexa was pretty confident it would fail in comparison to the unfairly sultry, husky voice coming out of her soulmate’s mouth at the moment. “You feeling relaxed yet?” Clarke whispered.

“Getting there,” Lexa breathed. She closed the remaining inches between their lips. “Mmm, better.” She mumbled into Clarke’s mouth. Clarke removed her arms from Lexa’s neck and stood, not breaking the kiss.

“Alright, there stud. We should get going. Work and all,” Clarke said as she pulled a stop to their embrace. Lexa opened her heavy eyes and smiled at the woman in front of her.

\--

**_Lexa (8:01am):_ ** _Hey, Clarke._

**_Clarke (8:01am)_ ** _: You literally just left my side. I can still see you sitting in your car texting me._

**_Lexa (8:02am)_ ** _: I was just saying hi._

**_Clarke (8:02am)_ ** _: Mmhmm… Hi. Now put your phone down and drive to work! I’ll text you when I get to my office. I promise._

Lexa complied with the blonde’s command and waved goodbye as she pulled out of the parking lot. Today was going to be a long day. Yesterday was blissfully relaxing and uneventful, save for the slightly uncomfortable conversation they had before they went to sleep. But Lexa couldn’t shake the growing feeling of uneasiness. Yesterday was too easy. The calm before the storm, as it were. Something was coming. Nia had something planned. Lexa was sure of it. Willing herself to relax, she blasted her 80’s playlist on the car radio and made her way to work.

**_Clarke (8:38am)_ ** _: I don’t think I’ve ever been here this early._

**_Clarke (8:39am)_ ** _: Seriously, I think I freaked the interns out. They’ve never seen me at this hour. <image attachment>_

Lexa swiped her phone open and chuckled. Clarke had clearly staged a selfie with the interns behind her, all with varying degrees of mock shock and horror plastered on their youthful faces.

**_Lexa (8:40am):_ ** _Haha, cute. Glad you made it in safely._

Lexa pushed open the doors of the office to find Indra already sitting at the front desk. She gave her auctor a small smile before opening her camera app. She snapped a quick photo of herself with Indra in the background, both with impressively neutral expressions on their faces.

**_Lexa (8:41am)_ ** _: <image attachment> Business as usual here at Kalland._

**_Clarke (8:45am):_ ** _Good grief, are all accountants that intimidating?_

**_Lexa (8:45am)_ ** _: Only the best ones._

Lexa set her phone down on her desk and began to work on her daily tasks. She was surprisingly relaxed for the time being. Clarke was keeping in contact, and Indra had promised to notify her the moment Nia walked through the doors. Lexa knew that the probability of Nia actually coming into the office today was slim to none, but it couldn’t hurt to be prepared. She buried herself in work, knowing she’d hear from Clarke again soon.

**_Clarke (9:00am):_ ** _God, I’m good. 9AM on the dot!_

**_Lexa (9:02am)_ ** _: Impressive_

Lexa smirked at her phone before continuing with the daily grind. She only paused her work when she heard a knock on her office door.

“Ms. Hayes, hi. Sorry to interrupt, but I’m afraid I need to speak with you,” Titus spoke soothingly.

“Of course, sir. Please, come in,” Lexa stood from her desk and motioned for him to have a seat. She watched as he closed the door behind him and sat in one of the two chairs in front of her desk. Lexa took the other empty seat.

“Ms. Hayes. Lexa, there’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just come out with it,” Titus started. “The new hire you were training, Ontari Veri? I’m afraid she is no longer with us. She passed away this weekend.”

Lexa’s heart dropped to the pit of her stomach. Guilt surged through her whole body, and she felt heavy. So heavy. She should have expected this. She should have remembered that Ontari was a fucking employee here. She should have known the office would mourn her on some level. Lexa should have known, but she had let the events of the weekend push all rational thoughts from her mind. And now here she was, completely unprepared to deal with the fact that she killed the person Titus was talking about. Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat, and she felt her lip quiver.

“I’m sorry, Lexa. Nia told me you two knew each other growing up. I hate to be the one to break this to you. If there’s anything you need… If you need to talk, or just… take as much time as you need. You don’t have to explain. You can take the day off if you’d like,” he said sympathetically reaching for her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.

Lexa quickly pulled her hand from his grasp. “I’m fine. It’s fine,” she snapped. Titus looked shocked at her sudden quip. “Thank you for telling me. I’ll be alright. I don’t need to take any time off. I’d like to keep working, if that’s okay with you?” Lexa added more calmly.

Titus cleared his throat and stood, straightening his tie, “That’s quite fine, Ms. Hayes. I’ll leave you to it.” He left her office quickly and quietly. Lexa buried her face in her hands and rubbed her temples, trying to clear her mind and body of the sudden resurgence of culpability. Her gaze flicked to her watch wrapped around her left wrist. It was 10:26. She hadn’t heard from Clarke yet.

Lexa leaned over her desk and grabbed her phone. No new messages. Lexa felt her pulse quicken as dread filled her body. She typed a quick message.

**_Lexa (10:27am)_ ** _: Are you alright, Clarke?_

Lexa gripped her phone as she waited for a response, her leg bouncing impatiently. Lexa tried to calm her breathing down, she tried to remember all the techniques Indra taught her to calm her mind, but nothing was working. Clarke had promised to text on the hour every hour. Lexa was about to grab her bag and bolt out the door to drive to Arkadia Creative herself when she finally felt her phone vibrate.

**_Clarke (10:39am)_ ** _: Lexa, I’m sorry! I got dragged into an emergency meeting with the boss. I’m actually still in the meeting, but we’re taking a 10 minute coffee break. I’m fine. I promise._

**_Lexa (10:40am)_ ** _: Clarke, it’s okay. Thanks for texting when you could. Sorry I’m so paranoid. I just have this general feeling of uneasiness._

**_Clarke (10:40am)_ ** _: It’s okay. I mean, I sorta get it. All this is intense and weird and yeah…_

**_Lexa (10:41am)_ ** _: Yeah…_

**_Clarke (10:41am)_ ** _: How’s your day going?_

**_Lexa (10:42am):_ ** _Meh. Work. Titus just left my office._

**_Clarke (10:42am)_ ** _: Titus Sabio? I like him. He seems nice. What did he want? You getting a promotion?_

**_Lexa (10:43am)_ ** _: He is mostly nice, but he IS partners with Nia. So you kind of have to take him with a grain of salt. He came in to inform me of Ontari’s passing._

**_Clarke (10:45am)_ ** _: Oh, Lexa, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I should have known your office would do something for her. We should have taken the day off. You don’t need that reminder right now. God, I’m sorry._

**_Lexa (10:46am)_ ** _: It’s okay, it’s not your fault._

**_Clarke (10:47am)_ ** _: Shit, I have to go. Break’s over. I’ll try and text you throughout the meeting._

**_Lexa (10:47am)_ ** _: It’s okay. Don’t get in trouble for me._

**_Clarke (10:48am)_ ** _: Never. I’m sneaky_

Lexa released the death grip she had on her phone and made her way back to her desk. Clarke was okay. She was fine. Lexa turned her head back to her computer, thankful for the mindless tasks she had scheduled for the rest of the morning.

**_Clarke (10:57am)_ ** _: Looks like it’s going to drag on for a little while._

**_Clarke (10:59am)_ ** _: Fuck. It’s definitely going to drag on._

**_Clarke (11:01am)_ ** _: Hourly check in, Ms. Hayes._

**_Lexa (11:01am)_ ** _: Your punctuality is much appreciated, Ms. Griffin._

**_Clarke (11:15am)_ ** _: Shit, boss is on to me. Don’t think I’ll be able to check in at noon. I’m getting an impassively displeased glare to rival yours right now. Fuck, yep. I gotta go. I’ll see you at the diner. Don’t be late, Hayes!_

**_Lexa (11:16am)_ ** _: *glares impassively displeased at phone* I told you not to get in trouble for me. See you soon._

\--

At 12:30, Lexa closed down her computer and made her way through the office. Clarke had been silent since her last message, and she was doing her best to stay calm. Clarke had told her she wouldn’t be able to text her. It was alright. Everything was alright.

“Meeting Ms. Griffin for lunch?” Indra asked as she walked towards the door.

“Yeah. No word from Ms. Kalland today?” Lexa asked doing her best to remain subtle.

“None. But I’m sure everything is fine. Is everything fine with you?” Indra tilted her head with her last question, her eyes searching for the reason of Lexa’s rather obvious tension.

“I’m fine. Just anxious to see Ms. Griffin, I suppose,” Lexa stated. She gave a half-hearted smile as she walked out of the double doors. As she stepped into the sunlight from the dullness of her office, Lexa inhaled deeply. The crisp air filled her lungs, and she allowed herself to relax. She’d see Clarke soon. She could take comfort in her presence and steel herself for the rest of the day.

Lexa walked over to the diner and scanned the crowded dining room. No Clarke. She allowed the hostess to seat her at a table for two and waited. Lexa glanced at her watch. 12:45. Clarke should be here any minute. She ordered two glasses of water from the waitress.

12:53. The condensation from the undisturbed water glasses began to drip onto the cheap cardboard coasters. Lexa checked her phone. No new messages.

1 PM. Lexa swiped her phone open and called Clarke. No answer. Her mouth was dry, but she didn’t touch the water in front of her. She knew the water would do nothing to fix the problem.

1:05. She called Clarke again. No answer. She waived off the waitress.

**_Lexa (1:07pm)_ ** _: Clarke, you better have a good reason for being late and ignoring my calls_

**_Lexa (1:09pm):_ ** _Please answer me_

1:10. Still no Clarke. Lexa threw a few dollars on the table for wasting the waitress’ time and stumbled out of the diner. She ran across the street and pushed open the doors to her office. She approached Indra’s desk.

“Has Ms. Griffin been by? Has she called?” Lexa stuttered.

“What? Ms. Hayes?”

“Have you heard from Clarke?” Lexa snarled, her worry quickly turning to anger.

“No, I haven’t. Lexa, what’s wrong?”

“I haven’t heard from her since 11. She didn’t show up to lunch, and she’s not answering my calls.”

Lexa could see Indra thinking of something to say, something to do, but she didn’t wait for her auctor. She spun on her heel and rushed out the doors again. Lexa didn’t think as she threw open her car door. All she could focus on was the dread in the pit of her stomach. Something was wrong. Something was wrong with Clarke. Lexa drove.

She barely registered her phone ringing. She answered the call quickly, without checking the ID, hoping to hear the husky voice she craved. Her heart sunk.

“Lexa, I called Clarke’s office. They said she left almost an hour ago to meet you for lunch,” Indra’s voice rang empty through her car. Lexa ended the call abruptly and took the next turn changing her destination instantly. She followed the familiar roads, only vaguely aware of where she was driving. Lexa pulled into her driveway and stumbled to her front door. The keys trembled in Lexa’s hand as she struggled to unlock her house.

As soon as the door swung open, Lexa froze, her heart dropped. There, pinned just above her entry table was the sketch of Commander Lexa that Clarke was working on this weekend. In striking red ink that was rudely out of place on the beautiful charcoal drawing, was a note.

_Heda, you want her, come and get her._

Lexa felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. With a shaky hand, she pulled the device out and answered the call.

“Where is she?” Lexa demanded, her voice as hard as steel.

_“Lexa, dear, there is no need for such a hostile tone. Ms. Griffin is fine. For now.”_

“Where is she?” Lexa repeated.

_“She’s safe, I do hope you’ll join us. I wouldn’t want anything to accidentally happen to her while she’s in my care.”_

“When are where?”

_“You know where. Five minutes. Morning of your soulou gonplei.”_

“Nia, if you hurt her…”

_“That is entirely up to you, Lexa. Four minutes, now.”_

The line went dead. Lexa spun quickly around as she felt a hand grip hers. She barely stopped her fist from colliding with the face in front of her.

“Indra? What the fuck are you doing here?” fumed Lexa as she lowered her fist.

“I followed you,” Indra stated matter-of-factly.

“She has Clarke,” Lexa admitted, surprising herself with her calm voice.

“I heard,” Indra said softly as she crossed the threshold into Lexa’s home. She closed the door behind her and gently uncurled Lexa’s hand for her. Lexa watched as Indra pulled a tissue from her purse before gingerly removing the keys from Lexa’s hand. The blood dripped slowly from the punctures she had caused from gripping the keys so tightly. Lexa allowed her auctor to wipe away the blood. “So where are we hopping to?”

“Indra. I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking. I’m insisting. You’re my viator. I’m with you.”

“Indra… You know that it’s dangerous. You could die, just like Ontari-”

“Lexa, you can’t do this on your own. I’m coming with you.”

Lexa took a steadying breath and pursed her lips. There was no more time to argue. Her five minutes were nearly up. “Let’s go,” Lexa said holding out her hands for Indra. Her auctor nodded curtly and placed her hands in Lexa’s. She closed her eyes and thought of Polis.


	12. Live to Tell

As Lexa opened her eyes, she had two questions on her mind: where was she and when was she? She was aiming to hop into her private bedchamber early in the morning knowing that Indra would be near. Instead, she found herself standing in front of her throne in the tower, clearly later in the day. Fuck, she was alone.

Lexa’s head whipped toward the heavy doors as she heard the groan of the wood being moved. She instinctively grasped the hilt of her dagger sheathed on her thigh, silently thanking this Lexa for never going anywhere unarmed. Lexa’s jaw nearly hit the floor. Ontari sauntered in followed by five Azgeda warriors. Ontari was here. Ontari was alive.

“Lexa,” Ontari sneered. Lexa. _Lexa_. She called her Lexa, not Hayes. “The Queen summons you. I suggest you come quietly. Wouldn’t want anything to happen to your little Sky Girl, now would we?” _Sky Girl?_ Ontari didn’t refer to Clarke as that the last time she was here. She always used their reality names. This wasn’t the same Ontari. This was solely the Ontari from the source universe. Lexa felt her stomach knot. Her Ontari was still dead, and she was still the one to blame.

Lexa pushed all thoughts of her reality to the back of her mind. She was in the source universe now, and she was here for one reason. Clarke. She knew she shouldn’t go quietly with Ontari. There was no guarantee she would take her to Clarke. She had no way of knowing if Clarke was even in Polis at the moment. The only thing she did know was that she needed to get out of this situation. She needed to find Indra, find Clarke, and get the hell out of the source universe without letting anyone else die.

Lexa lowered her gaze to Ontari, showing no sign of weakness or fear. She was Heda after all. Baring her teeth, Lexa growled, “Ai laik Heda. No one summons me.”

“She said you’d say something like that. Lucky for me, the Queen gave me orders to kill you if you declined,” Ontari said simply as a wicked smile turned up on her face. She drew her sword.

Lexa’s brow furrowed minutely _. Kill her?_ Indra said Nia would need Lexa alive to alter the universe, that they needed to combine their power. Why would Nia order Ontari to kill her? Something was off. “Kill me? I thought she needed me alive?”

“Lexa, are you about to beg me for your life? How unfitting for Heda,” Ontari mocked as her grip tightened around her sword.

Time is a funny thing. Most often than not, it moves at a normal pace. Hardly anything to notice. Other times it goes by so fast, that people blink and the most important things in their life are gone in an instant. This was neither one of those times. Lexa watched the scene in front of her play out in slow motion. She saw Ontari give the slightest of nods to the Azgeda behind her. Lexa heard the flex of their clothed arms as their muscles tensed and drew weapons.

She quickly analyzed the threats before her, thanking the powers that be for this Lexa’s years of intense training. Six on one. Not good odds. Especially considering the fact that she was armed with only a small dagger. But what other choice did she have, really?

In a flurry of movements, Lexa threw her dagger into the nearest warrior and leapt to follow its path. Even before the body hit the floor, she yanked her weapon from the chest of the corpse and quickly grabbed his discarded sword. With a beautifully efficient twirl, Lexa ducked away from a swift blow and brandished the sword in one hand and dagger in the other.

The remaining four Azgeda warriors and Ontari slowly approached her. Surrendering herself to this world, Lexa inhaled deeply, preparing for the attack. In a deadly ballet of movements, Lexa wove her way through the onslaught. Metal struck metal as she danced from attacker to attacker. One by one, her enemies were cut down until only Ontari was left standing.

Lexa stood, her weapons at the ready in front of her, dripping with the blood of fallen warriors. Ontari began to circle her, and she matched her step for step. Lexa’s chest rose heavily as she tried to slow her heart rate and breathing, to quell the exhaustion that would no doubt come. She was riding on pure adrenaline.

“Impressive, Commander. I see that years of training have served you well,” Ontari sneered, sarcasm dripping from every word. Before she could utter a response, Lexa’s eyes whipped to the large double doors. Footsteps approached, heavy, clumsy footsteps. A dozen Azgeda warriors, at least, were seconds from barging through the door. Lexa had gotten lucky with the warriors she just bested. She doubted that luck would continue. She needed a way out. And fast.

Lexa’s eyes flicked upwards to the ceiling, spying the large iron chandelier hanging above the center of the room. She traced the chains attached to it from the ceiling to the wall behind her. The chain stopped short of the hook on the wall, but rope was tied to it, anchoring it securely. Lexa dashed to the rope and in a swift motion, cut the bindings free. She didn’t wait. As soon as her dagger passed through the thickness of the rope, Lexa turned around watched as Ontari spun in horror, diving out of the way as the iron crashed to the ground.

Not allowing herself a moment of self-doubt, Lexa lunged forward, sheathing her dagger and dropping her sword as she moved, and wrapped her right arm around the length of rope now sprawled on the floor. Lexa glanced to her right and saw Ontari begin to stand. She was too late. Lexa was already making her way to the only viable exit. Taking a deep breath, Lexa launched herself off the balcony, holding on for dear life to the rope entangling her forearm.

Lexa had not thought this through. Fuck, she had _really_ not thought this through.

She felt her body begin to free fall and said a silent prayer that the chandelier would catch on something, that she wouldn’t wind up a pancake on the ground hundreds of feet beneath her. Lexa’s arm suddenly hitched upwards. Her body slowed down a fraction. She could feel the vibrations in the rope as the chandelier was being dragged to the wall of the balcony above her. She grabbed onto the rope with her left hand a second before she felt her whole body lurch to a sudden stop. She yelped as the force of the stop pulled dangerously on her arm. She felt a pop in her right shoulder. Shit, please don’t be dislocated. _Please don’t be dislocated._

Lexa didn’t have much more time to assess her injury as the momentum swung her heavily into the wall in front of her. She gasped as the air was knocked clean out of her lungs with the sudden impact. She didn’t have time to recover. Her body started to fall again. The chandelier was dangerously close to toppling over the balcony wall.

Adrenaline coursed through her body as fingers and nails desperately dug into the outside of the tower, searching for anything to hold onto. Her fingers gripped an open window and with all her might and a heavy groan, she began to pull herself into the room above her. Her muscles burned with exhaustion as she ungracefully slumped onto the solid ground under the window. She felt the rope begin to pull tight. Lexa frantically unwrapped the rope from her right arm and dropped it to the floor. She watched, wide-eyed, as the rope snaked its way out of the window.

Fuck, that was close.

Lexa turned to gain her bearings as she heard the loud crash below her. She squeezed her eyes shut and issued a silent prayer that no one was caught beneath that chandelier on the street below.

Lexa inhaled deeply and opened her eyes. She was at least ten stories below the throne room now, standing in one of the many bedchambers located in the tower. Lexa rushed over to the wardrobe and quickly grabbed a travel cloak from the selection. She hastily threw it over her very noticeable commander clothing and braids. Lexa reached up to remove the gear in between her eyes and carefully placed the ornament in the inner pocket of her thick black coat. She might have a need for it later, but, as of right now, it would only draw attention to herself. And she desperately needed to get out of here unnoticed.

With her appearance concealed as best she could, Lexa made her way to the door. She had bought herself a few minutes head start with that leap of faith, and she wasn’t about to waste it. She poked her head around the corner of the doorframe and breathed a sigh of relief at the blissfully empty hallway. She quietly made her way to the elevator.

Lexa unsheathed her dagger and used the blade to pry the heavy elevator doors open. With them open just enough to squeeze her slim frame through, Lexa dropped down to the ladder. _Shit_. It was a long way down. Despite her circumstances, Lexa chuckled to herself. It was so ridiculous. Her nerves were getting to her as she climbed down a 40-story ladder, but she hadn’t given a second thought to leaping off a balcony with nothing but a shoddy length of rope and a breath of a prayer. Lexa shook the fear from her mind and descended as quickly and as safely as possible.

About halfway down the elevator shaft, Lexa heard the muffled voices from below. _Shit_. Right, of course. The guards who operated the elevator were just below her. It was a miracle they hadn’t noticed her yet. What were the odds that they were still loyal to her? What were the odds that Nia had forgotten to kill them and replace them with Azgeda? With no other way out of the tower, Lexa continued to descend the ladder as her heart rate accelerated.

It didn’t take much longer for the guards to turn their heads up towards the sounds of her boots on the metal ladder. She was just a floor or two from the ground.

“Hod op! Nou sen yu fut daun nowe!” The guards didn’t seem to be physically hostile, just alarmed that a person was climbing down the elevator shaft. She raced through all the remaining options in her head. If they hadn’t tried to kill her yet, they probably weren’t going to. It was time to bite the bullet. She hopped off the ladder, still ten feet from the floor and landed with a heavy thump. _Fuck_. Mistake. That really fucking hurt. She grimaced inwardly as she stood up straight. Whose bright idea was it to jump off a ladder and nearly break her knees in the process? Hers. It was her stupid idea. Guess it was better than jumping off a balcony. She clasped her hands behind her back as the guards took in her appearance. It only took a moment for them to recognize who she was.

“Moba, Heda,” a guard said as both sank to their knees in reverence. Lexa sighed and relaxed, relieved the guards were not Azgeda. She stood there for a moment too long, suddenly becoming aware that climbing down the elevator shaft was probably not something Heda normally did. She panicked and said the first thing that popped into her head.

“I was just conducting a security check,” she said as she began to walk past the still kneeling guards. “You both seem to have things in order.” She held her breath as she passed them and finally called over her shoulder. “Keep up the good work!”

_Shit_ , okay. It was fine. That was fine. Everything was fine.

Lexa quickly made her way through the dark tunnels, eager to put as much distance between her and the guards as possible. There was no way they wouldn’t find her behavior odd. She only had minutes before they told someone they saw the great Heda climbing down the elevator shaft and acting a complete fool in front of them. Lexa rolled her eyes up and shook her head. She really needed to get a grip here. She was Heda, and she needed to start acting like it if she wanted any chance to survive long enough to find Clarke. She sighed as she made her way out into the alley of Polis.

Lexa hid her face under the cloak and stuck to the crowded streets of the city center. A few times she felt the curious gaze of one of her subjects, no doubt recognizing their fearless leader. But no one said a word. That was the strength of their devotion to her, and the thought made Lexa feel strangely uncomfortable. She knew how much they needed her, how much this Lexa’s life was dedicated to her people. She couldn’t help but feel selfish for running away, for hiding, for abandoning them to save someone else. She shook her head, willing the thoughts to be silenced and continued towards the outskirts of Polis.

Lexa finally made her way to her destination. The recognizable smell of hay and horses overwhelmed her senses. She removed the hood of her cloak and immediately readied her horse, careful to grab the travel pack she always kept at the ready. With steady hands and years of muscle memory, Lexa was seated on her steed and out the gates of Polis in no time.

\--

Lexa didn’t think as she guided her horse down the path at a hard gallop. She paid no mind to the small branches whipping her face, to the drops of blood staining her cheeks. She knew where Indra should be, and she needed to get to her as soon as possible. It was only a matter of time before Nia came after her again. Or did something to harm Clarke. Clarke. Thoughts of the blonde crashed through Lexa’s mind. She pictured her bound, gagged, and bleeding at the hands of Nia and Ontari. Ontari. Clarke. Dead, soon could be dead. The guilt bubbled up inside of her until she could contain it no more. Lexa hastily slipped off the saddle of her horse and emptied the contents of her stomach in the woods surrounding her.

Stomach empty, Lexa slumped to the wet ground beneath her. She pulled her knees up and hung her head between them. How did she get here? A little over a week ago, she was just dreaming about this place, wondering how it seemed so real, wondering if she would ever meet anyone that could compare to the Clarke of her dreams. And here she was now. Inside an alternate universe, killing people, real people, to rescue her real Clarke.

What the fuck was she doing?

She was no commander. She was a fraud, playing make-believe, messing with people’s lives. The real commander would have never let Nia manipulate her for so many years. The real commander would have stood up to the woman, would have accepted the consequences of her actions, not hidden behind a lie for 13 years.

Her mistakes had now put more lives in danger. Clarke. Indra. People she cared about. Lexa closed her eyes and took a long, deep breath. Their lives were in her hands. She couldn’t dwell in this pity party any longer. Lexa stood and walked back to her horse, her strides becoming more confident the closer she got. Lexa grabbed ahold of her horse and pulled herself up back into the saddle again. That was a damn fine metaphor, she thought to herself.

\--

As darkness descended, Lexa finally slowed her horse to a slow walk. Arkadia was still a few hours away, but she couldn’t see more than a few feet in front of her, and the last thing she needed was to walk herself right off a cliff.

Lexa’s head quickly shot to the side. A flicker of light caught her eye in the near distance. Fire. A torch, perhaps. Silently, she dismounted her horse and tied the reins to a nearby tree. Lexa unsheathed her dagger and made her way towards the light. She stopped her approach behind a tree and edged around to see.

“You’re good, Commander. But not that good,” Lexa exhaled deeply at the sound of Indra’s voice. She sheathed her dagger and made her way to her auctor. “You should rely on this Lexa’s abilities more. I could hear your approach far too easily.”

“Indra,” Lexa breathed and found herself wrapping her arms around the woman in front of her in an uncharacteristic hug. Lexa winced slightly as Indra returned the embrace.

“Lexa? What happened? Are you alright?”

“It’s nothing. I hopped right into a trap. I, um, I leapt off the balcony to escape. I guess I tweaked my shoulder when I did.”

“The balcony? Of the tower? The tower in Polis? Are you insane? How did you survive that? Lexa!” Indra exclaimed, holding Lexa by the shoulders at arm’s length.

“It’s fine. I grabbed a rope before I did,” Lexa shrugged nonchalantly as if it was the most common thing in the world. Indra stared at her with the most disapproving look Lexa had ever seen. “I didn’t have another choice. I was surrounded, and there was no other way to escape. I can’t get to Clarke if I’m dead. I took a risk. It paid off.”

Indra tsked, but held her tongue. She gestured for Lexa to take a seat near the small campfire. “Care to tell me what happened when you hopped here?”

Lexa sighed and relayed all the information to her apt audience. Indra didn’t interrupt her once, but Lexa did notice the way her eyes widened at the mention of Ontari. Good, she thought. Indra would most likely have an answer for that mystery.

“It would make sense, Lexa. That Ontari was still alive in this world. When you hop, you leave your body in one place and put your mind in another. Her mind died here leaving her body empty in our reality. The body cannot live without the mind.”

“You sound like Morpheus.”

“Perhaps, but does it make it any less probable?”

“Apparently not,” Lexa deadpanned. She sat still for a while longer before a thought that had been growing in her mind finally burst out. “Indra? Do you think what we’re doing is wrong?”

“Commander?”

“That’s just it, isn’t it? I am the commander here. I have duties. Responsibilities. I am well aware that the commander would always choose her people over the life of one person. Yet here I am, running away from Polis, leaving all my subjects, putting their lives at risk, all to save one person. Clarke. What happens to all these people I am responsible for? What happens to their lives? I have already killed Azgeda warriors who may or may not have died in the original timeline. And who’s to say more people won’t die? That more lives won’t be ruined just so I can save one? Part of me knows it’s wrong, that I shouldn’t being messing with these things, but the other part of me couldn’t bear it if Clarke died because of me. Because I couldn’t save her.”

“Lexa,” Indra’s voice was slow and calm. “Lexa, look at me.” Lexa obeyed and lifted her gaze from the crackling fire. “All the changes we make here, all of them will reset when everyone leaves this world. It is how Ontari is still alive here. The only lives truly in danger here right now are Nia’s, Clarke’s and ours. That’s it.” Indra placed her hand on Lexa’s shoulder and looked into her eyes. “You are the commander. Your duty is to your people, and the only way to ensure their safety in this world is to get to Nia and Clarke and set everything right. So let’s focus on the task at hand. Where do you think Clarke is?”

“One more thing before we get to that. Why would Nia want to kill me now? I thought you said we needed to combine our power to permanently alter this universe?”

“That is true. Both your powers are needed. I’m afraid I don’t have an answer for you. It seems that her priorities have shifted.”

Lexa rolled her eyes. _Clearly,_ Nia’s priorities had shifted. That was not a revelation. Guess that was just another mystery for another day. Back to the pressing matter. Lexa stood and began to walk away. She met her auctor’s confused gaze. “I’m going to get my horse. We’ll camp here for the night. Get some sleep. I’ll take first watch.”

\--

Lexa sat with her back against the trunk of a tree, her legs dangling off the branch. She had a better vantage point up here in the trees. She could see their entire surroundings, 360 degrees of it. With her ears trained on any unnatural sound and her eyes darting to any flicker of movement, Lexa’s mind still wandered to their next move. Where could Clarke be? Logically, Nia had hopped into this universe with Clarke to a time when both would be together, with no one else around to see the abduction. Lexa struggled to recall such an event. She could only pull from her own memories of this world. She had no idea of any of Clarke’s personal ones.

Lexa placed her fingers on her temples to rub the headache away and winced. She forgot about all those little cuts from her hard ride, and she just inadvertently broke one open. She pulled her fingers from her temple; they were stained black with her nightblood. A fact that was still hard to grasp. This world had so many mysteries, nightblood just being the tip of the iceberg.

Nightblood.

That’s it. Lexa recalled that in this world, Clarke had been alone with Nia and Ontari in Polis. In the very tower she just escaped from. She had gone to try and assassinate the Ice Queen but failed. That’s when Nia revealed Ontari’s status as a Nightblood by dripping the blood on Clarke. That must have been when Nia captured her. Clarke had been in Polis that day. She couldn’t be that far from them now.

Lexa released a worried sigh. She still had no idea where Nia could take her, but at least she was confident they were not in Azgeda territory. If they were, the chances of getting to them were slim to none. The Ice Nation was hundreds of miles away. The journey there would take weeks. Not to mention the fact that it was in the dead of winter, and they were nowhere near prepared for the snow and ice that would no doubt plague their travels.

Lexa carefully descended from her lookout perch and woke Indra. She was exhausted from the day’s events, and she had put in more than her fair share of lookout duty. Lexa traded places with her general and allowed herself to slip into a restless slumber.

\--

The dawn light was already fluttering through the dense trees when the sounds of footsteps woke Lexa from her sleep. Her eyes shot open, and she instinctively gripped the hilt of her dagger. She felt the heat of a body nearby and tensed her muscles. As a hand reached for her shoulder, Lexa was already on the move, her dagger stopped expertly on the throat of the intruder.

Lexa’s eyes adjusted, and her grip softened instantly. Indra stood above her, her finger pressed to her mouth, indicating the need for silence. She stared pointedly in the direction over Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa removed her dagger and sat up following her auctor’s gaze. She could make out movement in the distance. Definitely a person trying their best to not be seen. Indra silently handed Lexa a sword and the pair stood and readied themselves for a fight.

As the intruder grew nearer, Lexa began to make out details. It was a woman, small in stature, trained, but not an expert. There was something familiar about her.

“Octavia?” Indra sputtered. The woman in question turned at the sound of her name and bounded through the trees, eliminating the distance between them.

“Indra! Thank god, you’re alive,” Octavia exclaimed embracing her former first. “I thought you were dead. Everyone is dead.”

“What do you mean everyone is d-” Indra faltered.

“Pike.” Lexa finished for her.

Octavia shot Lexa a pointed look. _Fuck_ , she shouldn’t know about Pike yet. She had slipped. She quickly steadied her face, careful to betray no other information and waited for Octavia to continue. The other brunette paused for a moment longer. Lexa saw her face fall, accepting that Lexa must have found out somehow and turned back to Indra. “He took ten guards with him. There are no wounded. No survivors. I feared you’d be dead with them.”

Lexa felt her stomach knot and twist sickeningly. She knew Pike ordered the death of an entire army just because of his misplaced distrust of any outsiders. She remembered seeing the bodies, hearing the buzzing of the flies as they hovered over the massacre. She remembered all of that, but hearing Octavia, hearing how her voice stuttered and softened at the thought that Indra was among the dead, it pulled at emotions she didn’t even know she possessed.

Lexa inhaled deeply. Pike was a dangerous man, but a man that couldn’t be dealt with right now. There were more pressing matters. Like how she was going to find Clarke. Might as well use this unexpected visitor to her advantage.

“Octavia, what are you doing here?” Lexa asked, her gaze turning to stone as she eyed the other brunette.

“Me? What are _you_ doing here? Why aren’t you in Polis?” Octavia bit back, not a care in the world for proper etiquette and respect for addressing the commander. If she had been this universe’s Lexa, she was pretty certain Octavia would have been met with more than the severe glower she was receiving right now.

“Octavia!” Indra chastised, shaking her head curtly. Octavia rolled her eyes, but to her credit, pushed the matter no further. Indra glared at her former second before turning a questioning eye to Lexa. She ignored her auctor and slowly walked over to her pack. She ruffled through the contents of the bag before pulling out a small leather bound notebook and charcoal pencil. Paying no heed to the stares burning into the back of her skull, Lexa quickly scribbled down her message, tore the paper from its bindings, folded it neatly in half, and extended the note to Octavia.

“Go to Polis. See that Ryder gets this. It is for his eyes, and his eyes only. I expect a reply immediately. Do not leave his side until a response is in your hands. Am I understood?”

“Excuse me?” Octavia fumed, her eyes widening in anger. “I don’t-”

Lexa silenced her retort with a piercing glance and lowered jaw. She bared her teeth and continued sharply, “We will be waiting at the cave outside of Arkadia. I presume Indra has shown you this safe house?”

Octavia swallowed her anger visibly and pursed her lips. The brunette was feisty, Lexa would give her that, but she knew Octavia was also desperate to be accepted in Grounder culture. Lexa could see the resignation on her face before she muttered her affirmation. “Yes.”

“Good. Now go. Take Indra’s horse. Time is of the essence, and Indra and I have our own matters to attend to.”

With a curt nod and a look that would certainly kill a weaker person, Octavia gracefully mounted Indra’s horse and took off towards Polis. They waited in silence until the heavy gallop could no longer be heard in the distance. Indra finally broke the tension, no doubt dying for an answer to Lexa’s sudden appearance of a plan. “Lexa? What do you have planned?”

Summoning all the patience and wherewithal that Commander Lexa contained, she turned to address her general, “You must know that Heda has eyes everywhere, Indra. Someone has seen where Nia has taken Clarke. I have my suspicions, but I need to be sure. Ryder should have the information I need. In the meantime, we must hurry.”

“Octavia will be gone for at least 24 hours, and the cave is only a few hours walk from here. Why must we hurry?”

“We have much to do before Octavia returns.”

If Indra was at all alarmed by their swift acceptance of this universe’s versions of themselves, she made no show of it. Perhaps she, like Lexa, found it easier to accept these personality traits and characteristics. They were, after all, the traits that got them the leadership positions they held here. They must have been present for a reason.

And so Indra simply responded as she would to any other request Heda made of her, “Where are we going?”

“Arkadia.”

“Arkadia? Heda! Is that wise? Pike is in control of the camp, and he just massacred your entire army there! You will be shot on sight.”

Lexa threw her arms up to silence her general. This was no time to question her decisions. Her voice was steel as she responded, “Indra! I am well aware of the events that are happening right now. In fact, I have more information than you do. I’ve lived through this more than once.”

Suddenly feeling very aware and slightly guilty that Indra had, in fact, selflessly volunteered to hop with her, to risk her life to save Clarke’s, Lexa took a deep breath and softened her tone. “This is your first time experiencing it all, remember? Now, trust me, please. Where is the radio Kane gave to you?”

Indra quickly grabbed the device from her own pack and offered it to the commander. Lexa, however, made no move to grab it from her. “Contact Kane. Tell him to send someone he trusts to meet us. Give them the location of the cave.”

“Heda?”

Sighing and finally offering up part of her plan, Lexa lightly shrugged her shoulders, “We’re planning a second rescue mission. I need someone that Pike has detained.”

“Who? Who are we breaking out of Arkadia?” Indra implored.

Lexa looked straight into her auctor’s eyes before answering, “Lincoln.”


	13. Emotional Rescue

Lexa stood, hands clasped behind her back, eyes scanning the trees, waiting for Kane’s friend to arrive. She could hear Indra pacing behind her, the constant rhythm of her boots on the hard ground pounding in her head.

“Indra, could you not? Please? I can’t hear myself think.”

“Apologies, Heda,” Indra stopped her pacing and came to rest her shoulder against the wall of the cave next to Lexa. “Kane’s friend should be here any minute.”

“I’m aware,” Lexa stated, never taking her eyes off the tree line.

“Do you have a plan to get Lincoln out?” Indra asked, standing up straight and gripping the handle of her sword out of habit.

Lexa inhaled deeply and turned her head towards her general before nodding.

“And does this plan involve the jobi nuts we gathered on the way here?”

“Clearly.”

“Alright, don’t feel like sharing, I guess?”

“I will explain once Kane’s friend is here. I really don’t want to repeat myself.” Besides, it wasn’t all that complicated. She remembered how Kane snuck Octavia out of Arkadia. She remembered how Octavia used that same tunnel to get Clarke in and out safely in the original timeline. Lincoln could get smuggled out in the same manner. They just needed to incapacitate the guards and clear the corridors of Arkadia. Easy.

Lexa’s thoughts stilled as she registered movement in the trees in front of her. She unsheathed her sword, and the sudden gesture caused Indra to do the same. The women stood at the ready, waiting for the intruder to approach. A few moments later, a Sky person, blonde, wearing a guard’s uniform advanced cautiously with her hands in the air.

“Indra?” The blonde woman called with an uneasy voice. “Indra kom Trikru? Kane sent me. I’m Harper.”

Indra stepped out of the cave, weapon still at the ready. “And how are we supposed to be sure of that, Harper kom Skaikru?”

“He told me to tell you, ‘Ogeda. Skaikru en Trikru. Ai laik yu lukot en yu na wich ai in yu.’ I’m sorry if my accent is way off. I told him I wouldn’t be able to pronounce it correctly. Please don’t kill me,” she rambled quickly, her hands still in the air.

Lexa took a step forward, sheathing her sword as she moved. She placed a hand on Indra’s forearm, urging her auctor to lower her weapon. This woman in front of them was no threat. Her words rang true enough.

“Harper, please,” Lexa said, gesturing for the blonde to follow her into the cave. Harper lowered her hands and let a visibly heavy sigh escape her lungs. Lexa waited for her to pass as well as Indra before following them into the cave.

“Thank you for coming. We need your help. Tell me, how familiar are you with the guards’ movements in Arkadia? Specifically the ones assigned to guard the prisoners?”

“I’m quite familiar. I am one,” Harper stated.

Lexa nodded curtly, “Good. I need you to break out a specific prisoner for me.”

“Um, okay, no offense here, but who are you?” Harper asked looking at Lexa. She pointed over at Indra, “I know that’s Indra, but you? You haven’t told me your name.”

“You don’t recognize me?” Lexa asked somewhat shocked. While a common place in her reality, it was rare for the people in this universe to not know who she was.

“Should I?” Harper asked with a shrug.

Indra stepped forward then, placing herself between Harper and Lexa. Her voice low and threatening, “Yes, you should. Considering she is your Commander.”

Harper’s eyes widened in shock and fear. “I, uh, I’m sorry. I mean, apologies. I mean, should I bow? I’m sorry. I’m so stupid. How could I not recognize the Commander? Shit, I-”

Lexa held her hand in the air and silenced the stuttering blonde in front of her. “Harper, it’s alright. I will look past your mistake this once. Let us get back to the topic at hand. I need a prisoner that Pike has detained.”

“Right, of course,” Harper paused and looked down, nervously wringing her hands together. She clearly had more on her mind.

“What is it? Speak your mind.”

“It’s nothing,” Harper answered. Lexa lowered her head and cocked it just to the side, showing her disbelief. Harper looked torn as to whether or not she should actually speak her mind. Lexa raised an eyebrow in question.

“It’s just… It’s just that Kane assumed this meeting was going to be about what happened this morning. With Pike and… your army.”

Lexa’s jaw stiffened involuntarily. Fucking Pike.

“Yes, he will be dealt with. But right now, there is a more pressing matter to be attended to. One that requires Lincoln’s presence. The very same Lincoln that is currently locked up in Arkadia at Pike’s command. Now, are you going to help or not?”

“Uh, okay, yeah, yes. Getting him out is going to be… that’s going to be tricky.”

Lexa pursed her lips, “I’m aware. I do have a plan.”

“Oh, right, yeah. Of course. Of course you do. Let’s hear it,” Harper chattered.

\--

Lexa sat on the cold floor of the cave, carefully applying the war paint to her face. The familiar strokes on her face, the motions her fingers took as the pattern began to take life, it was all second nature to this Lexa, all muscle memory, and the process was soothing. After she finished her paint, she reached into her coat pocket and retrieved the Heda charm, carefully applying it to the space between her eyes.

“Heda? Are you sure about this?”

“Indra, I don’t want to hear this again.”

“I know, but… This plan, it’s a risk. A big one.”

“As you said earlier,” Lexa bit back sharply. She turned towards her auctor and softened her voice slightly, “My mind is made up. I need Lincoln. We’re doing this.”

Lexa stood and made her way to the entrance of the cave, surveying the fruits of their days labor on the ground. They had worked tirelessly over the past day, and she felt ready and prepared to execute their part of the plan. She peered out over the trees surrounding the cave, admiring the nearly set sun’s rays peeking through the foliage. Only a few more hours to go until it was time to set up their deception.

“Octavia should return soon,” Indra said, now standing next to Lexa.

“Yes, I hope to be back here with Lincoln before she does. I’m sure she’ll be happy to see him.”

“Is that why you are breaking him out? For Octavia?”

“No. I need his help. To get to Clarke.”

“But you won’t tell me why.”

“Indra,” Lexa said sternly. She really didn’t want to get into this with Indra. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust her. She knew Indra would never betray her. It was just that if she was being completely honest with herself, she wasn’t sure all this was going to work. She didn’t want anyone else questioning her decisions. Filling her with more doubts than she already had. She needed everyone to think she had it all figured out. She needed everyone to follow her blindly, trusting that she knew exactly what to do and how to do it. Lexa couldn’t bear it if anyone doubted her plans for she would begin to doubt herself. And that would help no one.

“Are the torches ready? The bindings? Is my horse rested and well?”

Indra released a heavy sigh, knowing she would not get any more information from her commander, “Yes, Heda. It’s all in order.”

“And the radio? You are monitoring it?”

Indra nodded.

“Good. Darkness has almost fallen. Let’s get into position.”

\--

In the near total darkness of the dense tree line, Lexa’s tired fingers fumbled with the last of the knots. Who knew securing 100 torches to the trees would be so exhausting? As she finished securing the final torch, Lexa turned to her general. “Done?”

“That’s the last of them. Now we wait.”

“Now we wait,” Lexa echoed, sitting down against a tree trunk. She motioned for Indra to join her.

“Do you think she can do it?”

“She better. Otherwise I’ll be putting my life on the line for nothing.”

“I hate that we don’t know what’s going on in there. It’s taking too long.”

“It takes as long as it takes,” Lexa stated with a shrug. “Harper was able to switch her shift with one of Pike’s guards, and she seemed confident in her ability to get the remaining to drink the alcohol spiked with jobi nut tea. You know as well as anyone the effects of that nut. Getting Lincoln past those guards should be fairly simple.”

“Yes, but getting him through the rest of Arkadia unseen?”

“That’s where all this comes in. It’s on us to keep them looking out here instead of in there.”

“I know, Heda. But what of those who helped us?”

“I made it clear to Harper that she was to drink the tea as soon as the other guards showed symptoms. The effects should hit her after Lincoln has escaped but before anyone else finds them. It will appear that all guards were drugged. Harper will not be found suspicious. She will be safe.”

“But are you sure _you_ want to do this? You’ll be putting your life in danger. Their guns… Heda.”

“The cover of darkness will work in our favor, Indra.”

“I just don’t like this. Surely we can create a different distraction. One that does not include you stepping-”

Indra’s voice was interrupted by the three clicks from the radio hooked to her waist. The signal. Harper had to have successfully drugged the guards. It was time to set all eyes of Arkadia upon her. Lexa stood and offered her arm to Indra. The woman grabbed her forearm gratefully and Lexa helped her stand. Their arms remained clasped as they looked each other in the eyes.

“May we meet again,” Lexa said, as she quirked an eyebrow. The gesture was meant to lighten the mood a fraction though the look on her auctor’s face said she failed.

Indra nodded, “My viator. My Heda.”

Lexa stepped back as her auctor mounted her horse gracefully. She grabbed one of the two torches attached to the saddle and tossed one towards Lexa. She caught it easily and watched as Indra lit the remaining torch. With one final glance at Lexa, Indra turned her horse and began galloping behind the tree line, igniting torch after torch.

Lexa said a silent prayer to the powers that be, hoping that this ruse was accepted. That the line of torches in the trees would be convincing enough to the people of Arkadia in the distance. Darkness and fear were her best friends that night. As she peered down the tree line, watching the torches light seconds after one another, she began to hear the murmuring coming from the camp ahead. It was working. It was drawing attention.

Lexa knew that a line of torches wasn’t convincing enough. There was no way it would look like an army amassed with staggering numbers to a well-trained eye. She knew the last piece of the puzzle needed to be placed. Lexa took a steadying breath and grabbed the hilt of her sword with her left hand. She didn’t draw her weapon, she just held on to it, willing the action to ground her, to steady herself. She lifted the torch in her right hand and held it to an already lit flame near her. When her torch was alight, she stepped out from the cover of the tree line and allowed the flame to illuminate her face.

She knew the scopes on the Skaikru rifles would be powerful enough to see her, to recognize the mighty Heda in her full war make-up, ready to lead her retaliation army into battle. She took a few more steps into the empty field before stopping. She set her face to stone, steeled her jaw and swallowed.

“People of Arkadia!” She bellowed into the stillness of the night, her voice calm, clear, commanding, and slow. She needed to draw this out. To let every word sink in to her rapt audience. “You have broken an alliance set by your leaders not three days ago. The grievous crime committed yesterday morning is a clear act of war. I have called upon the armies of the twelve clans to lay waste to Arkadia and all within its walls!”

Lexa let the words hang in the air for a moment. She was there to provide a distraction. She needed to keep all the guards focused on her for as long as possible. A stalling tactic.

“However,” a pause for dramatic effect. “I can be a merciful leader. I have been made aware that many of you do not agree with your current leadership. In this moment, Skaikru, you have a decision to make. My army will remain here, peacefully, until the one called Pike has been surrendered to me. With his death, I will welcome Skaikru back into my coalition, and you can once again benefit from all the ground has to offer. If anyone attempts to cross the blockade, my army is under orders to kill!” Lexa took a deep breath. How long had she been standing out here? Had she stalled long enough to get Lincoln to the tunnel?

Lexa spared a glance to her left, her eyes catching a flicker of movement. She shook her head and inhaled deeply before delivering the last part of her speech, “People of Arkadia, think long and think hard. You have two days to deliver Pike. Two days to decide to live or die. Two days before-”

Her speech was cut off suddenly by a loud cry, “Bellamy! No!!!” Followed instantly by the unmistakable pop of a gunshot. The ground in front of Lexa exploded as the bullet landed inches from her foot. Dropping the torch, Lexa took off towards the tree line. The sounds of hooves pounding the ground grew louder as another gunshot echoed in her ears. The tree to her left exploded bark in her face as she ran past it. Lexa heard the sharp inhales of a horse gasping evenly for breath directly behind her.

“Lexa!” Octavia cried, reaching her hand down. Lexa grabbed the offered hand and miraculously swung herself up on the horse effortlessly. She wrapped her arms around Octavia’s waist and felt the other brunette kick her heels into the horse, urging the great beast to run faster.

“The cave,” Lexa whispered fiercely into her ear. Octavia said not a word as she guided her horse to the arranged meeting spot.

As they traveled, Lexa’s mind swirled with the recent events. The gunshots had come from her left, not from Arkadia. Pike must have sent Bellamy out in secret to kill her. She should have known. _Fuck_. She could have died, and Clarke would be left here in the hands of Nia. And Indra. Indra would be stuck to live in this dangerous world. Lexa swallowed her guilt. There was no use dwelling on her mistakes now. She could only hope that Indra was fine. That Lincoln had successfully escaped. That this stupid risk had not been in vain.

Octavia finally pulled up on the reins as they neared the cave. Lexa’s ears reached out into the night, trying to discern any sign that they were being followed. She heard nothing. Lexa could only assume Pike was being cautious, still unaware that the great army behind Lexa was a bluff.

Octavia pulled the horse to a stop, and Lexa easily slid down and walked into the cave.

“What the hell was that, Commander? Do you have a death wish?” Octavia spat, grabbing Lexa’s shoulder and forcing her to face the angry brunette.

Lexa shrugged her hand off of her and changed the subject, “I take it you were successful in delivering my message? Where is his reply?”

Octavia glowered at her, but before she could retort, a deep voice cut through the night.

“That would be me, Commander.”

Lexa spun around, searching the darkness for the owner of the vaguely familiar voice. A beast of a man stood a few feet from her.

“Roan,” she spat, unsheathing her sword in an instant. She swiftly positioned the blade beneath his chin. “What is the meaning of this?”

The man in front of her held his hands up in surrender. “Easy, Commander. I’m here to help.”

“Lexa, he came with me,” Octavia spoke.

“Heda? You’re alive!” Indra’s voice filled the dark cave. She took a step forward before noticing the new visitor. Her sword was drawn instantly. “Natrona!”

Octavia rushed towards her general, her hand reaching for Indra’s forearm, urging her to lower her weapon. “Indra, please. Commander. I brought him here. He’s here to help.”

“Octavia?” Lincoln gasped from the entrance of the cave.

“Lincoln!” Octavia sighed, running towards the large man and jumping into his outstretched arms.

“How sweet,” Roan mocked before turning his attention back to the sword still hovering near his throat. “Would you mind, Commander?”

Lexa turned her head back towards Roan, trying to shake the dizzying scene that just occurred from her head. Confident that no more guests were going to arrive, Lexa lowered her sword from Roan’s chin but kept it at the ready. “Why are you here? Speak. Now,” baring her teeth as she spit out the last word.

“I hear you’re looking for my mother. I know where she’s going.”

“And why would you help us, traitor?” Indra cut in.

“Why not?” Roan asked with a casual shrug.

“You would move against your own mother?” Indra spat, clearly appalled at the man’s lack of loyalty to his family.

“No one said anything about moving against her. But I can tell you where she is going,” he answered before turning towards Lexa once again. “For a price.”

“This is not a negotiation,” Lexa warned.

“It is if you want the location of Wanheda. Lift my banishment, and I will tell you where my mother is taking her.”

“The Ice Queen has Clarke? Why didn’t you tell me? Commander-” Octavia spluttered at the same time Indra fumed, “You worthless, pathetic excuse for a-”

“Em pleni!” Lexa threw both her hands in the air and glared at her general and her former second. They were both wasting time here. If he had information that could lead them to Clarke, she would take it. There was no harm in promising Roan his freedom. In the original timeline she gave him all of Azgeda. This was an easy compromise to make. “You have a deal, Roan kom Azgeda. Now where is the Ice Queen headed?”

“She marches east with Wanheda.”

“East?” Lexa asked, her head cocked slightly to the side. She had a suspicion that the Ice Queen had safe houses in Trikru lands, but this was the first confirmation of such intelligence.

“The ruins near the sea. Azgeda secured a location just off the coast years ago. A place closer to Polis. To keep an eye on things. A stronghold if needed.”

“Azgeda have a base in Trikru lands?” Indra asked dumbfounded.

“Always have,” Roan answered coolly.

Indra raised her sword to his throat again before spitting, “Lies!”

“Shof op, Indra!” Lexa raged. She needed to stay on target, to keep the priority where it needed to be. Was it disturbing that the hostile Ice Nation had a secret stronghold so close to Polis all this time? Yes. Would Heda need to address the issue of a clan holding territory on another clan’s land? Yes. Was all this information more important than getting to Clarke? No. The world would reset when everyone was out. Everything would go back to how it was. This information would be forgotten to this Lexa and Indra. In the end, it didn’t matter. Lexa turned back to Roan, allowing the bite to remain in her voice as she spoke. “You are certain this is where Nia is headed with Clarke?”

“She wouldn’t risk the journey to Azgeda now. Not at this time of year.”

“Show me.”

\--

With the location neatly marked on her map, Lexa packed up their gear and readied her horse. She had already sent Lincoln away with his task and was still impressed that Octavia hadn’t argued to go with him. Lexa spared a glance back at her companions. Both Indra and Octavia were patiently awaiting her command. With a single nod, the women sprang into action.

Octavia’s sword was drawn and in position in an instant as Indra moved behind Roan to secure his hands behind his back.

“Commander, what is this? I held up my end of the deal. Release me.”

“You are free to go when you escape your bonds,” Lexa said coolly. She approached Roan as Octavia and Indra finished securing the ropes into place around his ankles and hands. “I can’t risk you warning your mother.”

Before the man could utter his reply, Indra placed cloth in his mouth and gagged him. With another single nod, Lexa turned and walked out of the cave. She heard the thwack of the hilt of a sword making contact with bone and the accompanying thump of a heavy body falling unconsciously to the ground. Lexa checked the saddle straps and buckles while she waited for the two other women to join her.

“Did you leave a dagger?”

“Yes, Commander. Close enough to reach, but far enough he’ll have to work for it,” Indra assured.

“Good. Let’s go,” Lexa said as she mounted her horse. She waited for Indra to do the same and for Octavia to climb on behind her general. Lexa kicked her heels into the side of her horse and guided them to the east.

\--

Dawn was approaching by the time Lexa slowed her horse to a stop. She strained her well-trained eyes into the distance. She didn’t look over when Indra pulled to a stop next to her.

“I hear it too.”

“Hear what?” Octavia asked.

“Horses. At least a dozen. Just beyond that ridge,” Lexa pointed.

“A dozen horses? Do you think it’s…”

Lexa finally turned to face the women next to her. Of course the thought was screaming in her head. That many horses on this particular path? There was a very good chance that this was Nia. That the Ice Queen was just up ahead. That Clarke was less than a half a mile from her. She gave a slight jerk with her head, a gesture for them to follow her lead, and made her way slowly to the top of the ridge. She dismounted and tied her horse to a nearby tree and watched as Indra followed suit.

“You two stay here. I’ll signal if I need you to come.”

“Heda-”

Lexa turned towards Indra. She lowered her head slightly and felt the fire burning behind her eyes as she said simply, “I’m going.”

\--

Lexa kept to the trees as she slowly descended the ridge. She could see half a dozen small tents erected in the distance surrounding a larger central tent. If Nia was here, that was surely where she was. With the sun barely peaking over the horizon, Lexa quickened her pace. She did not have much time before the camp awoke and her approach would be compromised.

As she reached the edge of the camp, she heard footsteps approaching. She was too far from the safety of the tree line to hide there, so she pressed her back to the nearest tent and held her breath. The lookout paused his approach for a moment. Lexa knew she would be discovered if she stayed where she was. She pressed her ear to the tent she was leaning against, listening for any sound of movement. When she heard none, she dropped her body to the ground and ducked under the back wall of the tent. Lexa’s eyes adjusted to the new lighting as she scanned the tent for any hostile threats. She quickly stood as her heart dropped to her stomach.

“Clarke?”

The woman in question raised tired blue eyes to meet hers, and Lexa watched as they widened in shock. Clarke was gagged and bound to a pole that had been driven into the earth. She had a healing bruise and cut under her left eye but otherwise seemed okay. Lexa rushed to her side and quickly pulled the gag from her mouth.

“Clarke!” Lexa whispered into the blonde’s ear as she wrapped her arms fiercely around her neck and held her as close as she could.

“Lexa, I knew you’d find me,” Clarke’s voice was low and weak. The sound made Lexa’s heart squeeze with pain.

“I’m going to get you out of here,” Lexa said as she drew her dagger to cut her bonds.

“Why bother with that? Just take my hand and hop us out of here. Let’s go.”

“Clarke, I…” Lexa pulled back and looked into her eyes. She could see the tracks of her tears running down her cheeks and fresh ones beginning to pool in her beautiful blue eyes. Lexa swallowed before speaking. “Indra is here too.”

Clarke shook her head slightly, before setting her face to stone. “Right, okay. Yeah, you can’t hop us out until we are all together.”

“Come on, she’s just beyond the ridge. We’ll be home in no time,” Lexa said with as small smile as she leaned forward to cut the bonds.

“Wait, Lexa, don’t,” Clarke said sharply.

Lexa drew back and stared dumbfounded at the blonde. “What?”

“Don’t untie me.”

“What? Why not?”

“I can’t walk.”

“Clarke?” Lexa asked as she scanned her face for a sign of what she meant. Lexa’s eyes moved down her body and finally fell to the blonde’s legs. Her right leg was crudely bandaged at the knee with a makeshift splint attached to it. How could she have missed that when she first entered? Lexa’s eyes widened, and she whipped her gaze back up to Clarke’s face.

“It was my fault. I threw myself off Ontari’s horse trying to escape. I landed very wrong. I don’t think it’s broken, but…”

Lexa shook her head, “I don’t care. I’m getting you out of here.”

“Do you have a horse?”

“Not with me at the moment.”

“Then you can’t get me to Indra.”

“Clarke, I just found you. There is no way I am leaving you here. Not now. Not ever.”

“Lexa you have to. You can’t carry me up a ridge without being seen. They’ll kill you.”

“Nia needs me. She won’t kill me. She needs me alive to harness our power together. I’ll risk being seen to get you out. We might make it far enough for Indra to-”

“Lexa, you don’t understand. She has a kill order out on you. She wants you dead. In this universe _and_ ours.”

Lexa stared at Clarke, trying to make sense of what she was saying.

“She wants the last link erased for good.”

“Clarke, what-”

“Lexa, look at me. I need you to hear what I am saying. Lexa. I heard her give the kill order. She did it with me standing right there. I questioned her. I accused her of murdering Costia. I told her I knew the truth and that she wouldn’t get away with it any longer. Lexa, she just smiled and said that she was going to get rid of her last remaining link to Costia’s death. You. You, Lexa. You were there. You witnessed it. She wants to kill you here so you die there. It’s the perfect murder. No evidence. No link to her. She will get away with it. Again.”

“No, Clarke,” Lexa’s plea was interrupted by the sounds of the camp waking. She was running out of time.

“Lexa, please. There’s no time. Go. Now. Come back for me when you have a horse or come back with Indra.”

“No, I won’t. I won’t lose you.”

“You aren’t going to lose me. I’ll survive. I always find a way to survive. But you…” Clarke faltered for a moment. Her eyebrows crinkled in pain. She took a stuttered breath before finishing with a stern edge to her voice. “You just need to get out of here now. Go, Lexa.”

“I said no,” Lexa spat. Clarke was out of her mind. There was absolutely no way she was going to leave her. Sure, there was a risk that she would not be able to stealthily climb the ridge with Clarke in tow. But that was a risk that she’d easily take. There was an equal chance that they would make it far enough for Indra to meet them halfway down the ridge. It would only take a fraction of a second for her to hop all three of them out of this world and to safety.

“Please don’t make me make you,” Clarke’s soft defeated voice interrupted her thoughts.

“Clarke, I’m getting you out,” Lexa leaned back over to cut her bonds. As she did so, a blood-curdling scream filled her ears. Clarke. Clarke was screaming for help.

“Clarke! What are you doing?” Lexa gasped, throwing her hand over the blonde’s mouth, desperately trying to silence her. But the damage had already been done. Lexa could hear the Azgeda running towards the tent. She looked up at Clarke, her own eyes on the verge of tears. She was met with wet blue eyes.

“Hurry. Get out of here,” Clarke pleaded. Lexa’s eyes roamed her face, her body refusing to move. Clarke leaned forward and placed a heavy kiss to her lips before pulling away. “GO!”

Lexa saw the shadows of the guards just outside the tent now. With every ounce of strength and courage she could muster, Lexa willed her body to move. Sparing a final glance back at her soulmate, she ducked under the wall of the tent and ran up the ridge to meet Indra and Octavia.

As soon as she was within shouting distance of her companions, she bellowed, “We need to go, now!”

The words were barely out of her mouth before the first arrow landed in the tree just to her right. Another landed at her feet. Lexa willed her legs to move faster. She finally reached the top of the ridge and made a mad dash to her ready and waiting horse. Indra and Octavia, already mounted, urged their horse forward as Lexa followed closely. She could hear the hiss of arrows fly around her as she spurred her horse to a gallop.

Lexa yelped, as a sharp pain exploded in her left shoulder. _Fuck_. Stupid fucking arrow. Reaching her hand over her left shoulder she snapped the arrow in half. Might as well keep it in place. It was doing a decent enough job at stopping the bleeding for the moment. She’d let Indra pull it out later.

Lexa kicked her heels in again and her horse galloped faster and faster, the trees blurring into brown and green smudges as she sped farther and farther from her soulmate.


	14. Under Pressure

Kicking her horse once again, Lexa finally took the lead, letting her instincts take over in the direction she was guiding them. Every second, she was putting more and more distance between Clarke and herself, and every fiber of her being was telling her it was a mistake. Except it wasn’t. She knew she couldn’t get to Clarke when Nia’s whole little army was on the lookout. She needed to regroup, to reformulate a plan. She finally slowed her horse and spared a glance over her shoulder. It did not seem that Azgeda was still pursuing. Slowing to a walk, Lexa allowed Indra to catch up and ride next to her.

“You have an arrow in your shoulder,” Octavia said plainly, pointing at Lexa.

“I noticed,” Lexa deadpanned.

“Shouldn’t you pull it out?”

“It’s fine,” Lexa shot, not bothering to glance over at Octavia.

“Commander-”

“Octavia,” Lexa interrupted impatiently. She didn’t care about the constant throbbing in her shoulder. In her own masochistic way, the pain was reminder of the fact that she left her soulmate alone in a camp full of enemies. Lexa could deal with the physical pain for now. Besides, she knew pulling out the arrow would cause more bleeding than she could endure while on horseback, and they desperately needed to find a safe place to regroup. No, the arrow would stay where it was.

“The arrow is currently stopping the bleeding. If I pull it out, it will cause more problems than it does now,” Lexa added curtly.

\--

The rest of the short ride was spent in silence. When the outskirts of the village finally came into view, the sun was high in the sky. Lexa rode in front, surprised whispers of “Heda” and “monin” filled the quiet village as the people recognized her and bowed. She definitely wasn’t used to this sort of reverence, and even though she had given in and resigned herself to this Lexa, the respect was still uncomfortable. She did her best to keep her head held high, her face neutral, and her voice clear. “Kru kom Reva, we come seeking a safe place to rest for the night.”

An older woman approached her with a large smile on her face. “Heda, you honor us with your presence. Please, come. I am Ann; you may use my home for rest.”

Lexa dismounted her horse and passed the reins to a nearby guard. She gave the woman a single nod and followed her to a building near the center of the village. Ann opened the door and Indra and Octavia walked past her. When they were out of sight, Lexa turned back to her host as she spoke, “Heda, I will have food and supplies delivered to you shortly. If you need anything else…”

“Mochof, you have done enough already.” Lexa watched politely as the older woman gave a curt bow and left the three women alone.

“May I, Heda?” Indra tilted her chin towards Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa sighed and nodded before removing her dagger from her thigh. She handed the blade to Indra who carefully cut away the sleeves of her garments, exposing her wounded shoulder.

“On three. One, two…”

Pain exploded through her shoulder as Indra pushed the arrow all the way through. Lexa winced and glared at her general.

“It’s easier when you don’t expect it,” Indra said with a shrug. “Octavia, ready?”

Lexa had not noticed Indra passing her blade to Octavia, nor did she notice the small brunette heat said blade. Octavia stood close and hesitated only a moment before pressing the searing metal first to the front of Lexa’s shoulder and then to the back. The burning sensation stung fiercely as Lexa released the oxygen she was holding in stuttered breaths. The pain sent chills through her body, but she knew it was better than bleeding to death in this world.

Lexa took the offered wet cloth from Indra and pressed it to her sensitive wound, both cleaning and cooling it at the same time.

“So,” Indra began.

Lexa released a heavy sigh. “Clarke was there. I saw her-”

“And you didn’t grab her?”

“Octavia!” Lexa spat as she glared daggers at the brunette. She already felt guilty enough for leaving the love of her life tied helplessly to a post stuck in the ground. She really didn’t need Octavia Blake chastising her stupid decision.

“I tried to free her, but Clarke couldn’t walk. She has a badly injured knee. We would have never made it up the ridge to safety without getting one or both of us killed. Still, I wanted to try, but Clarke had already made her decision. She alerted the camp to my presence, forcing me to leave her.”

“That stubborn fucking princess...” Octavia mumbled to no one.

“Agreed,” Indra said flatly. Lexa couldn’t help but to silently agree with the sentiment as well. Clarke, stubborn and self-sacrificing as ever.

“Okay, so now what?” Octavia asked her.

“Now we rest. We’ll continue towards the Azgeda base at first light.”

\--

The village had gone all out for the Commander and her two companions. After a bonfire feast and too much alcohol for most of the village, Octavia remained the only soul still sitting by the smoldering fire. Lexa watched from a comfortable distance as the other brunette stared into the flames. She felt an overwhelming urge to comfort her. It didn’t make sense. This Lexa did not have much of a relationship with Octavia. Merely acquaintances, but she was not just this Lexa. She was from a world that was not as harsh, not as unforgiving. She was from a world that did not force people to make impossible decisions, from a world that did not always require people to ignore their feelings and their emotions.

Lexa shook her head at her own thoughts. She’d come a long way. She steeled her will and approached Octavia.

“May I?” Lexa asked motioning towards the empty space next to her. Octavia merely glanced up at her. Lexa took the lack of objection for acceptance and sat down. “Thank you, Octavia. For delivering my message, for distracting your brother. I owe you my life.”

“I couldn’t let him kill you. Trikru would have wiped us out. I was just trying to protect my people,” Octavia replied nonchalantly. Lexa couldn’t stop the small chuckle that bubbled up from her throat. How many times had she heard Clarke say those same words to her in this universe?

“What?” Octavia spat.

Lexa shook her head, a small smile on the corner of her mouth, “You sound like Clarke.”

At the comparison, Octavia scoffed and rolled her eyes. After a moment, the brunette’s shoulders slumped down. She turned towards Lexa with obvious anger and betrayal in her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me the Ice Queen had her? Before I left for Polis.”

“What good would that have done other than cause you more worry? Would it have changed your mind about delivering my message? Would it have caused you to not save my life?”

“No one ever trusts me,” Octavia offered with a scowl, not answering any of Lexa’s valid questions. Lexa inhaled deeply. Octavia was a strong person. She could see why Indra had chosen her to be her second, but it was obvious that the brunette still struggled with her place in the world.

“I do not believe that to be true. Indra trusts you, and so do I.”

“No one ever tells me the whole truth,” Octavia said plainly. She turned her attention back towards the fire, poking the flames with a stick. The fire crackled and fumed. “I don’t belong anywhere.”

Lexa knew that this conversation would not matter in the long run. If she was successful in rescuing Clarke, this world would reset. Octavia and she would never have this moment. They would never again be in this situation. Any words of comfort Lexa offered, any words of advice, would essentially fall on deaf ears. It wouldn’t matter. And yet it did. These lives were real. Octavia was there, living through all of this, and Lexa had the advantage of knowing what she had gone through, what she would go through. This version of Octavia’s life was important, no matter how fleeting it was. That was what made it so special. It was going to end. It would never be this way again. It was time to seize the day and all that shit. Lexa resolved that she would offer this Octavia all that she could.

“You do. Any clan would be lucky to call you one of their own. You have proven yourself a true warrior. You listen to commands but also know when to question it. You are strong in your convictions. You love fiercely.”

“I thought love was weakness?” Octavia sassed.

Lexa felt a small smirk pull at her lips. She was beginning to truly appreciate this thickheaded sky girl. “Perhaps for some. For others, it is our strength. Our reason, our hope.”

“Hope can be dangerous,” Octavia argued.

“Hope gives you motivation.”

“Are you hopeful, Commander?” Octavia asked earnestly, turning once again to face Lexa.

“For what?”

“For our future. Is there hope that we can right our wrongs, fix what a few have broken?” Octavia asked, clearly speaking of the choices her people were making. Lexa knew that her brother was partly responsible for the massacre of her army. She knew that Bellamy had attempted to assassinate her the previous night. And she knew that despite all the mistakes he was making, Octavia loved him. She cared for him. They were family. Lexa wanted desperately to shine a bit of hope on this troubled, yet incredibly strong and loyal woman next to her.

“I have to believe it. It is so easy to declare war, to fight. It’s much more difficult to forgive the mistakes of our enemies and ourselves.”

“What do you have to forgive yourself for?”

With a sad sigh, Lexa responded, “Too many things.”

Octavia shook her head and turned towards the fire once more. Her voice rang confident as she spoke, “I can’t think of anything I would need to forgive myself for. I’m not ashamed of my decisions. I know who I am.”

Octavia was so strong in her convictions and as far as Lexa could tell, she had her heart and mind in the right place constantly. Lexa placed her hand on Octavia’s shoulder, urging her to face her. When she did, Lexa was met with a determined scowl, a look of utter sureness. Lexa smiled despite herself, “You’d make a fine commander, Octavia kom Trikru. It’s an honor to fight with you, and an honor to call you one of my own.”

\--

With the break of dawn, Lexa pulled on her mended coat, careful to slide the fabric gently over her wound, and secured her weapons to her person before making her way to the small stables on the outskirts of the village. What she saw there stopped her in her tracks. All of the village’s capable warriors gathered there. Some were already mounted on horses, others stood proudly, but all were armed and ready.

Lexa lifted her chin sharply at Indra, beckoning her to her side. “What is the meaning of this?”

“They want to help,” Indra answered.

“I did not ask for help,” Lexa said under her breath. She couldn’t let these people risk their lives for her. Not when she was so clearly failing to perform her duties to them. She walked a few paces forward before addressing the small crowd of warriors.

“Gona kom Reva, I am honored by your enthusiasm, but I did not ask you to fight this war. The path I must take is dangerous and uncertain. I will not ask you to risk your life for me.”

A young warrior stepped forward from the crowd. He gave a swift bow before addressing her, “We don’t risk our lives for you. We fight for you, Heda.”

“I cannot ask you to do that.”

“Heda, beja,” the young warrior pleaded. “You did not ask us. This is our choice. It is our right to chose to die with honor by your side.”

Lexa steeled her jaw and pursed her lips. There was no arguing at this point. The loyalty and devotion of her subjects was humbling, and the thought threatened tears. She looked over the faces of these selfless warriors. She raised her head high, squared her shoulders, and clasped her hands behind her back.

“We march east. To the sea.”

\--

After a day and a half of marching, Lexa brought her small army to a halt. The smell of salty sea air permeated her nostrils, sending a shock of hope through her body. They were close.

“We will rest here for now. Set up camp,” she commanded as she looked at her small army. In the past day, news of her march reached the nearby villages and warriors had arrived by the dozens. Lexa wanted to send them home, to save them from her selfish crusade, but they had all refused. They just wanted the chance to honor their Trikru Heda. Her makeshift army now easily outnumbered Nia’s party that she had seen days earlier.

Lexa effortlessly slipped off her horse and walked towards a little clearing, knowing Indra would soon follow.

“Heda?”

“Lincoln should be here soon if he’s not already. He was to wait for me there,” she said pointing to an old cabin mostly hidden by thick trees. “Assist the warriors. Secure the camp. I will return shortly.”

\--

Lexa walked back to camp with a determined step. Lincoln had been successful in his mission and her plan was falling into place. She just needed to set a few things in motion, to secure the safety of her people, to ensure her best chance at reaching Clarke alive with Indra at her side.

Octavia met Lexa on the outskirts of camp. “This is it, isn’t it?”

“This is what, Octavia?”

“The battle.”

Lexa shook her head at the bloodthirsty brunette, “There will be no battle.”

“But, Commander, you have an army. Nia is here. We saw her tracks. We outnumber them.”

“I said there will be no battle,” Lexa stated firmly, allowing the steel to enter her voice.

“Then why are we here? Aren’t we here to rescue Clarke? To kill the Ice Queen? Commander!”

“Enough!” Lexa spat throwing both hands in the air. “I will not put the lives of my people at an unnecessary risk to save Clarke.”

“They put themselves at risk, Commander. It was their choice to follow you.”

“I am their leader. Trust that I know what is best for my people,” Lexa said, turning to face Octavia head on.

“If we’re not here to fight, then what the hell are we doing?”

“Rescuing Clarke.”

“Commander-”

“Just because there will be no battle, does not mean I will not use my army. I have a plan. I need you for this to work, Octavia kom Trikru. Are you with me?”

\--

Lexa stood on the beach looking out to the sea. She breathed in the salty air and took comfort in the serenity of the sound of the waves quietly lapping at the shore. It was almost over. This was it. It was time to go home. Lexa sensed the intrusion before she heard him speak.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

Lexa sighed and gave a curt nod.

“She’s there. We saw Nia bring her aboard two days ago.”

“So you said.” Lexa looked up at Lincoln. His kind eyes peered out at the small boat anchored just off shore. He silently handed her the mask before placing his own over his face.

Lexa turned to see her auctor approach, a mask held in her hands.

“Indra?”

“My viator?”

“Thank you.”

“It’s almost over, Lexa. You’ve got this. Surrender yourself to this universe. You are as powerful, strong, wise as this Commander. Nia will not know what hit her.”

“I couldn’t have done this alone.”

“No leader ever does.” Indra stated as she waded out into the water, following Lincoln’s lead.

Lexa gave one final look behind her. The trees were thick, but that didn’t matter. Her army and Octavia were a good distance away, preparing themselves for the attack. She took a deep breath, steeling her will. This plan would work. She was going to get to Clarke with Indra safely and she was going to hop them back to reality. Nia was not going to win. She couldn’t.

Lexa secured the mask to her face as she waded out into the sea. She could see the bodies of her companions swimming just ahead of her. She took a deep breath and lowered her body into the ocean. Though her shoulder was sore, she quickly caught up.

\--

Lexa swiftly removed the mask before grabbing on to the metal ladder protruding from the water. She climbed easily up the few steps and was pulled aboard by a strong, warm hand.

A familiar voice poured from a familiar face, “You look like a drowned rat.”

“Good to see you too, Luna.”

“Is it?” Luna asked, her voice dripping with curiosity. “I was sure you’d want to kill me after what I did.”

Lexa did her best to dry off using the bit of cloth Luna offered. “Titus wanted to.”

Luna nodded, “You stopped him.”

Lexa offered no reply. She tossed the cloth back to Luna.

“Thank you,” she said earnestly, placing her hand on Lexa’s forearm.

Lexa gave her a half smile. “I understand why you left.” The words hung heavily in the air. Neither woman ready to acknowledge the gravity of them. After a moment, Lexa finally broke the tension. “Let’s go.”

\--

The small boat glided silently across the water. In the pale light of the just set sun, Lexa could see the large naval ship silhouetted in the distance. The Azgeda stronghold in Trikru territory. She stood next to Luna as she silently shut off the boat’s engine. “This is as far as this boat can take you. Any closer and we will be spotted. The row boat there will take you the rest of the way.”

“Mochof, ai lukot. We would have never been able to make to the ship without your help,” Lexa said as she began to walk towards the rowboat.

“Lexa, wait,” Luna grabbed for Lexa’s arm, stopping her in her tracks. The other Nightblood studied Lexa’s face, her eyes dangerous. “Lincoln assured me that no one would die. That this was not a battle.”

Lexa pulled herself free from Luna and assured her, “There will be no battle.”

“Then why do I see your army just off shore?” Luna fumed as she gestured to the shoreline.

“My distraction, you mean?”

Luna smiled and relaxed her stance, “Ever the clever one. I always envied that. It was no wonder why you were Titus’ favorite.”

Lexa smirked back and gave her a quiet little nod. She turned to lower herself into the rowboat, but was stopped once again by Luna’s words.

“We’re even now.”

They were even. Lexa spared her life after the conclave and Luna helped save the love of her life. Not that she would remember once this world reset, but for now, in this moment, they were even.

\--

“Everything good to go?” Lincoln asked as she sat down in the small boat.

“Yes. Luna knows to signal shore when we have made it to the ship.”

“This will work, Heda. We will see Clarke soon,” Indra tried to reassure her.

“I know.”

They rowed in silence, slowly cutting the distance from their small boat to the menacing ship as the night grew darker and darker. As the towering ship finally came close enough to touch, Lexa saw the faded words painted on the side of the ship. USS Cooperstown. Lexa chuckled to herself.

“What is it, Heda?”

“It’s nothing,” Lexa answered quickly. In her reality, she had just seen a documentary on the construction of these Navy ships. Littoral combat ships. The USS Cooperstown was one of the ships in pre-production in her world. Clearly the ship was finished and survived a nuclear apocalypse. Oh, what Lockheed Martin would have done to know this. She shook her head of her useless trivia and tried to refocus on the task at hand. “Ready the rope.”

Lincoln effortlessly threw the rope up to the railing of the ship and let a visible sigh escape when he felt the rope pull taught on the first try. He climbed first, followed closely by Indra and then herself. Climbing a ladder had been easy, climbing this rope was proving to be a bit more of a challenge with one injured shoulder. Lexa grit her teeth and willed every last bit of strength to her upper arms. With as much determination as strength and skill, she finally heaved her body over the rail of the ship. With her feet firmly on the deck, Lexa gave a quick glance to the shore, confident that Lincoln and Indra had already neutralized any threats in the near vicinity.

From the sea, Lexa could easily see her small army crowding the beach. She could hear the chant beginning to echo across the water. “Jus drein, jus daun.” It grew louder and louder as her army’s bloodlust blossomed. Lexa strained her eyes. She could just make out the Commander, standing tall and proud in front of her army. The warpaint and jacket easily recognizable in the flickering light of a torch held in her right hand.

Lexa turned back to her companions, “We don’t have much time. Let us not waste the time our warriors have granted us. Lincoln, check below. Indra, with me. We’ll look up here first.”

“Shouldn’t we all split-” Lincoln’s question was silenced by a quick shake of Lexa’s head. She saw an Azgeda warrior exit from a door just ahead of them. He did not seem to have noticed them yet. Without a second thought, Lexa unsheathed her dagger and threw it with deadly precision. The weapon spun end over end, barely missing Lincoln’s shoulder before landing in its intended target. The warrior only had time to look towards the three intruders before crumpling to his death on the ship deck.

Lexa felt a twinge of guilt as she broke her promise to Luna. She swallowed thickly as she chastised herself. Once a killer, always a killer. We are what we are, and all that.

Lexa turned her head back towards Lincoln, “Indra is with me.” She wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice. Indra was with her, and as soon as she found Clarke, they were hopping the hell out of there.

Lincoln gave a single nod of acceptance, “Heda.” She watched as he easily pulled open the hatch and descended into the bowels of the ship.

Lexa turned back to Indra who drew her sword silently. She did the same. They crept down the deck, stepping as silently as possible with Indra just in the lead. As they came to the door, Lexa bent down to retrieve her dagger from the lifeless body. She quickly cleaned the blade before sheathing it to her belt. Lexa slowly opened the door, peering inside. Two more Azgeda guards were patrolling the narrow corridor. Just as Lexa was about to motion to Indra to take them out, she heard a voice carry over the sea.

“Nia! We are here for you! Make yourself known!”

The sudden call caused the guards to scamper towards the door on the opposite side of the corridor and exit, desperate to see the scene the Commander was causing. Octavia. A fine commander indeed.

Making wise use of the empty corridor, Lexa crept inside followed closely by Indra. Lexa’s hand rested on the first of many doors, about to peak inside when she was startled by a gasp. She spun quickly around to see a blade at the throat of Indra, a hand firmly clasped over her mouth. Roan.

Lexa’s raised her sword in a flash and bared her teeth, “Roan. I grant you your freedom, and this is how you repay me? Release her.”

“Easy, Commander,” Roan said calmly. He removed his hand from Indra’s mouth but kept the knife to her throat. “I’m here to help.”

“Interesting way to show it,” Indra growled.

Roan finally released her and sheathed his dagger. He turned and began to walk down a separate corridor. He stopped and threw over his shoulder, “Are you coming? Wanheda is this way.”

“How can we be sure this isn’t some trap? That you aren’t leading us directly to our deaths?” Indra spat.

“Guess you’ll just have to trust me,” he said with a smile.

Lexa lowered her sword and followed the man. What did she have to lose really? Octavia’s ruse would only last so long before they discovered that she wasn’t Lexa. She was running out of time. Clarke was running out of time.

He led them through a few more corridors, turning here and there before he finally stopped in front of an unmarked door.

“How did you expect to get out of here once you found her?” Roan asked earnestly. Lexa wasn’t sure why, but she knew the prince of Azgeda had a soft spot for Clarke. He was helping not just for his freedom; he already earned that. He was helping solely to save Clarke.

She gave him an uncharacteristic smirk, “Let me worry about that.”

“Worry quickly then. Here she is,” Roan said as he opened the door. Lexa was met with an empty room. She threw a death glare at the man next to her. “Through that door, Commander.” He said pointing to another door on the opposite side of the room.

“Indra, wait here with the prince. Make sure he doesn’t leave your sight. We cannot afford for him to alert his mother to our location. I’ll call for you once I find Clarke.”

She barely registered Indra’s nod before turning towards the other door. Clarke was close. She felt it. Lexa pushed the door open and felt her breath hitch. There she was, no worse for wear than she was two days ago. Her Clarke. Bound, gagged, but very much alive.

“Clarke!” Lexa exclaimed as she rushed towards the blonde woman. She threw her arms around her neck and held on with all her might. She pulled away briefly to release her gag. “Now don’t scream this time, okay?” she attempted a joke, but her voice was a little too serious. Clarke let a small smirk cross her face anyway.

“Please tell me you have a way to move me or that Indra is here.”

“She’s here, Clarke. She’s close. We’ll have you out in no time,” Lexa assured her as she cut Clarke free of the bonds. Lexa reached down to gently massage the red, inflamed skin around her soulmate’s wrists.

A thought suddenly sprung into her head. Lexa lowered her chin and looked deeply at her soulmate. “Clarke, this is important. Where are you?”

"What?” Clarke said with confusion written on her face.

“Where are you in our reality? Where does Nia have you? When I hop us out of here, you’ll wake up wherever she took you, and Indra and I will be in my house. Where are you, Clarke?”

“My apartment.”

It was Lexa’s turn to be confused. “What?” Why on earth would Nia take Clarke there?

“She took me to my apartment. I guess it was smart considering it’s clearly the last place you’d think she’d be.”

“Clearly,” Lexa acquiesced. She quickly shook her head. Now was not the time to contemplate the decisions of the Ice Queen. “Okay, as soon as we’re back, I’ll be on my way to you. I promise.”

“I know. I trust you,” Clarke said. Lexa breathed in deeply with that admission. Clarke trusted her. Her soulmate. The thought warmed her as Lexa stared into her eyes, drinking in her presence, grateful that she was able to see her, to reach her in time. “Lexa?”

“Hmm?” Lexa asked, blinking several times, bringing herself out of her thoughts.

“Can we-” Clarke gestured to the door.

Lexa smiled, “Right. Yeah, let’s go. Indra! Indra she’s here, I have her! Hurry!”

“You may have her, Lexa, but I have you.”

Lexa’s body froze. She stood and turned around slowly, her sword at the ready. Nia was standing there, a gun pressed to Indra’s temple.

“Nia.”

“Lexa, dear. It’s over. I’ve won. Don’t do anything rash.” Nia taunted, pressing the barrel harshly into Indra’s head. Lexa adjusted the grip on her sword, tension and hatred spreading across her face. Nia smirked at the sudden expression of emotion and moved the gun from Indra’s head to pointing directly at Clarke.

Lexa inhaled deeply before bending down and gently laying her sword on the floor. She stood slowly, hands raised in the air. “Nia, please. I’m the one you want. I’m your last link. Don’t hurt them.”

“Lexa! No! She’ll kill us anyway. We know too much.” Clarke pleaded. “Lexa!”

Lexa knew logically that Clarke was right, but what other choice did she have? Nia had the upper hand, and she wasn’t about to let Clarke get shot. Not when she could save her.

“What kind of monster do you take me for, Lexa? Surrender and I promise to take your friends here home with me.” Nia said coolly. She shifted the aim of her gun from Clarke to Lexa. “After I kill you, of course.”

It all happened in a blur. Nia’s finger squeezed the trigger. Clarke shouted for Lexa. Lexa’s head turned towards the blonde mass that dove towards her. Lexa caught the body as it fell towards the floor. Lexa looked up to see Indra throw her head backwards into Nia’s face. Nia crumpled and Indra landed a knockout blow to the back of her skull. Lexa looked down and saw the red staining Clarke’s abdomen.

“No! Clarke! Clarke! Look at me, Clarke. It’s okay. You’re going to be okay,” Lexa sobbed, tears falling unwillingly.

“Looks like I fell for you this time,” Clarke whispered with a small smile.

“Clarke, really? Your lines…” Lexa shook her head. Her soulmate was something else. Joking when she should be writhing in pain. Lexa let out a small laugh that she quickly choked on as Clarke’s breathing began to become erratic. The blonde gripped Lexa’s arm and looked up at her, eyes wide with panic. “It’s okay, Clarke. I’ve got you. You’re not going to die here. I’m going to get us home.”

Clarke would be fine if they made it home. Injuries didn’t travel world to world. Clarke would be okay in their reality. She would be okay. But she was not okay right now. Lexa could see her love struggling for air, desperate to hold on to what little life she had left in her. There was no time left. “Indra! Now! We have to go. NOW!”

Lexa felt her auctor rush towards her. She threw her hand in the air, eyes not leaving Clarke’s. As soon as she felt a hand in hers, she steadied her mind and thought of home.


	15. True Colors

Lexa’s eyes shot open. She wasted not a moment before grabbing her keys off the entry table and rushing out the door. She heard Indra follow and slam the door behind her. Lexa dashed down the steps of her home and barreled into the front seat of her car. She didn’t even wait for Indra to close the door before she slammed her car into reverse and drove towards Clarke’s apartment.

“Lexa? I need you to breathe,” Indra said calmly.

“I’m fine,” Lexa spat, readjusting her white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel. She leaned into the brakes harshly as the traffic light in front of her turned red. Fucking lights. Lexa began to rapidly bounce her left leg, urging the damn light to turn green.

“She’s going to be okay, Lexa. You hopped her out in time.”

“She’s with Nia, Indra. Right now. Alone.”

“I know, Lexa. Where does Nia have her?”

“At her apartment.”

“You know where Nia lives?”

“Clarke’s apartment.”

“Why would she-” The traffic light finally turned green, and Lexa hit the gas. Hard. Her car lurched forward, effectively silencing Indra’s pointless question. What did it matter that Nia had Clarke in her own apartment? What mattered was that Clarke was alone with a psychopath who had already kidnapped her and shot her, and Lexa was still five fucking minutes away from her home. That’s what mattered.

\--

As Lexa made the final turn into the apartment parking lot, she took a quick deep breath. She was almost there. She was almost to Clarke. Lexa threw her car into park and bounded to the entry, fumbling only a moment as she entered the code Clarke texted her the other day. With the door unlocked, Lexa sprinted up the stairs and made her way to Clarke’s apartment. She didn’t even notice she left Indra behind.

Lexa slowed herself to a brisk walk as she approached the door. Fuck, what if the door was locked? She hadn’t thought this through. In her haste, she only had Clarke on her mind. She reached her hand to the doorknob and twisted. The door clicked and swung open.

Lexa should have realized that was a bad sign. She should have been suspicious of the conveniently open door. She should have known she was walking into a trap. But she wasn’t thinking clearly at the moment.

Lexa stepped over the threshold slowly. The light from the afternoon sun poured through the large window in the living room. Lexa edged forward, her eyes scanning the apartment, desperate for any sign of Clarke. She glanced towards the kitchen. An odd stain caught her eye. As she approached, she clearly saw blood spilled on the tile floor. She followed the trail as it made its way to the small kitchen table. A larger puddle of blood collected under the chair. Lexa’s stomach knotted. Clarke had most likely been tied to this chair, bleeding from some unknown wound. The blood puddle was still red, still fresh. Clarke had to be near.

Instinctively, Lexa pulled the chef’s knife from the block as she exited the kitchen. She adjusted the grip slightly. It was no war dagger, but it would do. Lexa’s head snapped towards the hallway. She distinctly heard a creak. She cautiously approached the bedroom door and paused for only a moment before throwing the door open. The sight that met her eyes was not one she had been expecting.

Titus Sabio stood with his back to Lexa, gazing out Clarke’s floor-to-ceiling bedroom window.

“Titus? What the hell are you doing here? Where’s Clarke?”

“Ms. Hayes, please,” he said as he turned his head towards her. “Keep your voice down. There is no need to alarm Ms. Griffin’s neighbors.”

“Titus,” Lexa snarled through gritted teeth. “Where is Clarke?”

“You know,” Titus started, completely unfazed by Lexa’s aggression. “I thought I was prepared to work with Ms. Kalland. I did my research. I knew her past, her proclivity for vodka. I knew her temper; I thought I knew her secrets. Turns out she knew mine. So here I am, caught in the middle of her web. The black widow herself, always pulling the strings.”

What the fuck was he talking about? Better yet, why was he talking? Weren’t villain monologues something writers added for exposition purposes? They never actually happened in real life.

“Titus. What are you talking about? Where is Nia? Does she have Clarke? Where did she take her?” Lexa rambled, becoming increasingly more agitated by the second.

“For what it’s worth, Lexa, I always did respect you. You were one of the brightest at The Kalland Group.”

Were? Titus was using past tense now?

Lexa watched as Titus finally turned his body to her. There in his right hand, his fingers gripped a revolver. He slowly raised the weapon and pointed it directly at Lexa.

“I’m sorry, Lexa. Truly, I am.”

Ah, so that was why he was monologuing. Perhaps that was why all villains did it. On some level, somewhere in their deeply twisted perception of morality, villains felt guilty. It was easy to confess sins to someone who can’t tell secrets from the grave.

Lexa saw his finger begin to move. Acting on pure instinct, she threw her body to the left as the sound of the weapon echoed loudly in the small apartment. As her body flew through the air, Lexa released the knife in a perfect trajectory. Her days spent in the source universe did her well. The knife landed in its target with a sickening thwack. Lexa hit the floor hard. She lifted herself up to see Titus slump to his knees, his empty hand touching the handle of the knife protruding from his chest.

“Lexa, forgive me,” he whispered as he fell to the floor. Blood pooled around him.

Lexa crawled to the bedroom wall behind her and buried her head in her hands. Another person dead because of her. Clarke was missing again, and she had no clue where to look. She was out of time. She was out of ideas. Lexa felt tears burn behind her eyes. Her heavy, uneven breathing almost drowned out the sound of her phone vibrating. Almost.

“Indra?” Lexa breathed into her phone. “What? I thought you were right behind me.”

_“Lexa, shhh. Listen to me.”_ Indra’s voice was low and urgent over the phone. Lexa sat up and hastily rubbed her eyes, quelling the tears before they started. _“I’m following them.”_

“What? What are you-”

_“I saw Nia pull her car into the parking garage as you ran inside. I followed her. I watched her drag Clarke into her car. She’s alive, Lexa. Clarke is alive. They’re on the road now. I’m right behind them. I think I know where Nia is taking her.”_

Lexa’s brain was processing all the information at lightning speed. Clarke was alive. Nia had her. She was in a car. Indra was following them. Indra was following them? “How-”

As if reading her mind, Indra simply offered, _“You left your keys in the car.”_

Of course, not that it mattered. There was only one thing that mattered now. “Where is she taking her?”

_“The old office. You remember where that is?”_

Of course Lexa remembered where The Kalland Group used to be. She spent countless afternoons there in high school, keeping Costia company as she worked for her mother. Lexa knew exactly where the old office was.

“I’m on my way.”

_“Lexa, wait. You don’t have to do this on your own. I think we should call the po-”_

Lexa ended the call and abruptly stood. She quickly made her way to where Titus’s dead body was slumped on the floor and pried the revolver from his fingers. She stuffed the weapon into the back waistband of her pants and did her best to cover it with her shirt. Lexa dashed towards Clarke’s front door. She needed to find a way to get to the old office and fast. Indra had her car. That wasn’t an option.

A single key hanging near the door caught her eye. It was attached to a small rainbow keychain. Lexa smirked as she grabbed it and bolted out the door.

\--

It didn’t take long to find what she was looking for in the apartment garage. Lexa remembered Clarke’s description perfectly. Electric blue, chrome accents, usually set up for one, currently outfitted for two. _Iris_.

Lexa threw her leg over the bike and flipped the motor to life. Though it had been nearly 8 years since she sold Terra, the old adage was true. It was like riding a bike. She quickly accelerated and tore out of the parking garage.

Lexa felt the wind rip through her hair as she sped dangerously fast towards the old office. If she wasn’t in a race to save Clarke’s life, she would have scolded herself for not bothering with a helmet or any other safety gear. She made her way through the city, grateful that rush hour traffic was still an hour away.

Her mind raced as she contemplated all the horrible things that Nia could do to Clarke. Terrible images played out in front of her eyes. Desperate to erase the mental images, Lexa concentrated on the bike she was currently riding. Clarke’s baby. Electric blue, chrome accents, usually set up for one, currently outfitted for two. _Fuck_. Clarke mentioned she rarely had the rear seat installed. She must have taken it to her mechanic friend recently in anticipation of riding with Lexa. The thoughtfulness of that gesture made her heart ache. Clarke had been planning a future date. One that was now in jeopardy. Lexa steeled her mind and twisted the throttle, accelerating the bike even faster.

\--

Lexa turned into the nearly abandoned parking lot. She spotted Nia’s car parked crookedly in front and her own car not far from her. Lexa pulled to a stop next to the driver’s side door.

“She pulled her in there about 10 minutes ago. I’ve been listening, but haven’t heard anything since they went in,” Indra said as she rolled down the window. “What do you plan to do?”

Lexa shut off the motorcycle and kicked the kickstand down before dismounting. She honestly had no idea what she was going to do. All she knew was that Nia had Clarke because Nia wanted her, and she wasn’t about to let anything else happen to her soulmate. The woman had already bled for her, multiple times. Nothing else was going to happen to her.

“Something,” Lexa said firmly. “Indra, the glovebox. There is a pocketknife.”

Indra opened the compartment and grabbed the sizable pocketknife Lexa kept stored in there for emergencies. Her auctor cautiously handed the knife over and watched as Lexa placed it in her front pocket before walking towards the office door. She heard Indra swiftly open the car door and tensed as her auctor grabbed her bicep.

“Lexa!” Indra shouted. Lexa shrugged out of her grasp and took a few more steps towards the office before Indra jumped in front of her, both hands on her shoulders. “Lexa, wait. You don’t know what she is capable of. I’ve called the police. They should be here soon. Wait for them.”

Lexa brought her hands up and forcefully removed Indra’s from her shoulders. “I know exactly what she is capable of! Titus is dead on Clarke’s bedroom floor because of her. Ontari is dead in a coffin because of her. Costia, her own daughter, is dead because of her. And I’ll be damned if Clarke dies because of her! Wait here for the police. Tell them everything you deem necessary, but in the meantime, get the hell out of my way.” The words as cold as ice as she finished.

Indra stepped to the side, and Lexa walked past her. She didn’t even turn when she heard Indra speak, “Be careful, Lexa, my Heda, my viator.”

\--

Lexa drew the revolver from her waistband before she slowly pushed the glass door open. She carefully crossed the threshold, surprised by the state of the office building. It was exactly as it had been 13 years ago, minus a few pieces of furniture. The sight was eerie. The office was clean, brightly lit, and looked as if it was ready to go. Nia had kept the unused office immaculate.

Lexa concentrated on every minuscule sound as she stepped farther and farther into the old office. She paused outside of each office door, pressing an ear to the wood, listening for any sign of Clarke. When she had reached the end of the hallway, she approached the final door. Nia’s old office. She pressed her ear firmly to the door and heard the muffled breathing of her soulmate. Lexa held the revolver in her right hand as she slowly twisted the old doorknob.

Lexa stepped inside, gun first, and scanned the room quickly. Her eyes immediately fell to the blonde hair, stained red on the left side. Clarke was slumped against the sidewall, her hands bound behind her, her head tucked lifelessly to her chest. Lexa dashed to Clarke’s side and lifted her chin. She cupped her face gently.

“Clarke? Clarke, can you hear me? Clarke?” Lexa whispered urgently. When the blonde gave no response, Lexa swallowed thickly and pressed her fingers to her pulse point. Lexa released a choked exhale as she distinctly felt a heartbeat. Clarke was alive.

“Clarke,” Lexa repeated, as she placed her hand on her cheek. She gently rubbed her thumb over the swell of her cheek again and again, urging her to wake. “Clarke, I need you to wake up for me. I need you, Clarke.”

Clarke’s eyes began to flutter. With a few more caresses, Lexa stirred the blonde awake. She couldn’t help the smile that spread on her face as Clarke looked directly into her eyes. “Lexa?”

“I’m here, Clarke. You’re okay. You’re safe. I’ve got you,” Lexa consoled as she pulled Clarke in for a tender hug. She gently rubbed her back with one hand, the other she used to run her fingers through Clarke’s hair, careful to avoid the obvious head injury that stained her blonde locks.

“Clarke,” Lexa started calmly. “Where is Nia? Is she here?”

“Lexa… Nia, she’s lost it. She’s in a rage. When I woke from the source universe, she was there too. She came at me, hard. She must have knocked me out. Lexa, she’s dangerous. She’s going to kill-” Clarke began to stutter before pulling away from the embrace. Lexa saw the fear burning in those blue eyes.

“Shh… It’s okay. The police are on the way. I’ve got you. I’m going to get you out of here. Can you stand?” Lexa asked.

“I think so.”

“Okay, let’s get you up then,” Lexa smiled warmly as she helped lift Clarke to her feet. After a slight wobble, Clarke seemed steady enough. “Alright, I’m going to cut this zip-tie off for you.”

Lexa placed the gun on the nearby desk behind her and pulled out the knife from her front pocket. With a quick flick of her wrist, the knife was drawn and ready to cut free Clarke’s bindings. Lexa carefully slid the blade in between the plastic and the soft skin of her soulmate and gently cut her wrists free. Clarke turned around to face her slowly as Lexa returned the knife to her pocket. Lexa reached for her wrists and examined the angry red flesh. She brought each wrist to her lips slowly and gave a gentle kiss to the tender skin.

“I’m so sorry, Clarke,” Lexa whispered, tears fresh in her eyes. “I never meant for this to happen to you. I’m sorry.”

“Lexa, it’s-” Clarke didn’t finish her sentence as her eyes grew large with surprise. Lexa whipped around, placing her arm protectively in front of her soulmate as she faced the cold glare of Nia. Nia who stood behind her old desk. Nia who had a revolver pointed directly at them. The same revolver that Lexa had just placed on the desk in order to cut Clarke free. _Fuck_. How could she have been so stupid? So careless?

“Lexa, dear, I’m so glad you made it,” Nia smiled. Lexa could see the glassy sheen to her icy blue eyes. She knew that look. She’d seen it once before. 13 years ago.

“Nia, let Clarke go. You don’t need her. Your fight is with me. It’s always been with me. I killed your daughter. Not Clarke. She’s done nothing to you.”

“Oh, Lexa, dear. So naive. So blinded by love and your sense of morality. It was all too easy to manipulate you.”

“Nia-”

“Even your girlfriend here figured it out. Pity though, really.”

“So it’s true? It’s really true? You killed your own daughter? Why?”

“Because of you, my dear. You were right about that. My fight has always been with you. So young, so powerful. Everyone loved you. In every universe. Always the hero. My own daughter chose you over me, even after I showed her. She chose you, and I couldn’t have that. And then you came bounding in, determined to play the hero yet again. It was all so simple. A gentle tap. That’s all it took, and you were mine to do with what I pleased.”

“Those days are done. You are no longer my weakness, Nia.”

Nia let out a bone-chilling laugh. “Oh, Lexa, dear. I’m not your weakness. She is.”

Nia adjusted her aim slightly and squeezed the trigger. The gunshot exploded in her ears. In that same moment, Lexa planted her left foot and with all her strength, kicked the desk with her right. She watched as the desk hurled forward and collided with Nia. The older blonde let out a gasp as her body hit the floor with a sickening thump. Lexa heard the sound of metal sliding across wood as the gun was undoubtedly knocked from Nia’s grip. Lexa whipped around to see Clarke crumple once again towards the floor, her hand tightly pressed to her abdomen, blood seeping through the small gaps of her fingers.

“Clarke! No, Clarke! It’s okay, you’re okay. Stay with me,” Lexa cried as she dropped down to catch the blonde in her arms. She sank to the floor, cradling Clarke’s head in her lap. _Fuck this universe._ Was it supposed to be poetic? Some warped sense of irony? The love of her life, her soulmate, shot again in the same fucking place as she was in the source world not an hour earlier. But there was no instant fix here. Lexa couldn’t just hop Clarke out of reality and have her wake up unharmed. Clarke had been shot. Clarke was dying.

Lexa placed her own hand to Clarke’s wound, silently praying that she would not bleed out. Lexa felt the tears fall freely down her cheeks. “It’s okay, Clarke. I’ve got you.”

Clarke reached her free hand up and brushed away a tear with her thumb, no doubt leaving a streak of blood in its wake. “Lexa, I guess we both keep falling for each other,” she breathed quietly, her voice small and frail.

Lexa let out a tear choked laugh, “Shh, Clarke, now is not the time for your horrible lines.”

“It’s always the time for my lines. They make you laugh,” the blonde stuttered with a pained smile. Her smile was cut short as she began to cough, blood staining the corner of her mouth.

“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. The police will be here soon. Stay with me. Don’t leave me, Clarke. Please don’t leave me,” Lexa cried.

She was so wrapped up in Clarke, she hadn’t noticed Nia flee through a backdoor in her office. She hadn’t heard the police sirens wailing outside the building. She hadn’t heard the officers enter the building. She didn’t hear them enter the office she was sitting in with her arms wrapped around her soulmate.

“Hands in the air! Ma’am, put your hands in the air. We need to- Clarke? Clarke!” Lexa barely registered the woman’s voice as she dove towards them. “What happened?” She spat at Lexa, her long brown ponytail falling to her shoulder as she spoke.

“She was shot,” was all Lexa could muster, not bothering to give a second thought about how this police officer was the Octavia she knew from the source world.

“Jackson! I need you now!” the officer bellowed into her radio. “I don’t care about fucking protocol. Get in here. Now! And notify the hospital they have a critical patient incoming.”

Lexa continued to hold on to her soulmate, tight. The EMT arrived seconds later; she wouldn’t let go. She couldn’t. It wasn’t until Clarke barely whispered to her, “It’s okay. Octavia won’t let anything happen to me, will you O?”

“No way, Princess. Besides, you’re too stubborn to die,” she spoke warmly to her.

“See? Nothing to worry about,” Clarke choked, coughing up more blood. Lexa felt the blood drain from her own face. Clarke was running out of time.

Lexa held on to her until she felt the EMT forcefully pull Clarke out of her grasp. “It’s okay, ma’am. We’ve got her. Let us take care of her now.” Lexa stood as the EMTs and Octavia loaded Clarke on to the stretcher. She watched as Clarke was carried out of the room.

Left alone, Lexa’s rage came to a boiling point. Barely two minutes had past since Nia sunk a bullet into Clarke. Lexa stood and walked behind the desk. She grabbed the discarded gun off the floor when a small drop of blood caught her eye. Nia must have been cut when the desk collided with her. Lexa smirked as she let the bloodlust take over. Nia’s blood was going to lead her directly to her.

\--

Following the trail of blood was easier than she thought. Nia had made no effort to stop her bleeding, and Lexa soon found her way to the back stairwell. A stairwell she was all too familiar with. Lexa had snuck back here countless times with Costia in her teenage years. The stairs led to the roof of the building and was their go-to spot when they craved a little privacy. Lexa climbed the stairs, her mind as steady as a lioness on the hunt.

Lexa squinted as the bright sunlight pierced her eyes. She stepped fully out on the roof, scanning for her prey. Nia stood near the edge of the roof, her back to Lexa.

“Come to play hero yet again?” Nia asked coolly. Lexa took a few steps toward her as the older woman turned around slowly, a gash on her left thigh dripped blood slowly down her pant leg. Lexa raised the revolver she was holding and deftly aimed the weapon at her mentor. She thought she saw a moment of panic dash across Nia’s face, but it was gone before Lexa could fully register it.

“Lexa, dear, you won’t kill me,” she stated as she took a tentative step towards Lexa. “You’re no murderer, my child.”

Lexa adjusted her grip on the handle as her palms began to sweat. Nia took another step towards her.

“You can’t kill me.” Another step. “I’ve been there for you your entire life. I was more of a mother to you than your own mother ever was.” Nia stepped again, closing the distance even more. “I helped you through college. I gave you a job.” She was almost within arms reach. “I protected you.”

Lexa snapped. She quickly pointed the weapon just to the side of Nia and let a warning shot ring through the air. The sound of the gunshot did its job, and Nia stopped in her tracks. Lexa slowly pointed the gun back at Nia, her eyes on fire. “Enough!” Lexa growled. Nia raised her arms in a form of surrender. Lexa felt her hand begin to tremble, her resolve begin to crack. She felt tears burn behind her eyes.

As much as Nia had hurt her, her words rang true. Without Nia, Lexa would have been lost in her grief after Costia’s death. Without Nia, Lexa was nothing.

“It’s alright, Lexa, dear. It’s alright,” Nia consoled as she reached a tentative hand towards Lexa. The gun was heavy, so heavy, in her trembling hand. Lexa’s arm fell to her side, and she let Nia remove the gun from her hand. Her head fell to her chest as she struggled to hold in the tears begging to slide down her cheeks. She felt cold arms wrap harshly around her in a loose embrace.

Nia’s voice was sickly sweet as she gently patted Lexa’s back. “There, there, my dear. See? It’s going to be okay. Everything will work out. You’ll see. I’ll protect you again. I love you, Lexa.”

Lexa’s eyes suddenly shot open. Love. Nia didn’t love her. She wasn’t capable of love. She killed her own daughter. She kidnapped Clarke. She shot Clarke. Twice. Lexa felt her body instantly tense, her bloodlust returning in full force. She quickly grabbed Nia’s shirt and slammed the crown of her head into the chin above her. Nia stumbled in shock and pain as Lexa swiftly landed an elbow to her cheek, and the gun tumbled from Nia’s hand to the roof of the building.

Nia backed away rapidly as Lexa continued to pursue her, whipping the pocketknife out discreetly as she moved. Nia stopped just shy of the edge of the roof, and Lexa grabbed a fistful of her shirt once more. She bared her teeth, her face inches from her employer.

“You stole Costia’s life. You attempted to steal Clarke’s,” Lexa raged.

“Lexa, my dear, those were accidents. I do care for you, please,” she stammered, trying to regain the upper hand. But the damage had already been done. Costia’s death was no accident. Clarke’s injuries were no accident. Nia had orchestrated it all, knowingly. And Lexa would not let her words sway her any longer. Nia was going to rot in jail for her crimes. Or so Lexa thought.

Nia opened her mouth once more, desperate to say anything to persuade Lexa to let her free. Nia muttered the final words that slammed the last nail in her coffin, “I love you as my own daughter.”

Lexa saw only red as she drove the small knife into the side of Nia’s rib cage. She released the grip on her shirt violently before taking a step backwards. Lexa stared into the icy blue eyes of the woman who had manipulated her for 13 years. She showed no sign of emotion as she spoke. “You are incapable of love, Nia.”

Lexa watched as her boss, her mentor, her tormentor, looked down at the knife protruding from the side of her chest. Blood oozed from the wound. Nia took a ragged breath and stepped backwards. She was too close to the edge. Her foot caught on the small raised curb, and Lexa watched as Nia tumbled from the roof. She made no effort to stop her, her own feet were rooted to the spot where she stood. A few seconds later, Lexa heard the stomach-turning thwack of a body landing on concrete.

Lexa turned around as the sound of a door slamming open echoed on the rooftop. Two police officers raced towards her, their weapons drawn. Lexa raised her hands in the air as they slowed their approach. She saw the look of horror on their faces and realized what she must look like. Her hair was wind blown from the motorcycle ride. Her face was blood-streaked from Clarke wiping away her tears. Her shirt was stained with blood, so much blood, from cradling Clarke after she was shot. Her hands were dripping with the blood from her soulmate and her employer. Throw in Lexa’s habit of letting her face fall into the irritatingly indifferent mask, and it was no surprise that the officers responded with their next words.

“Keep your hands where we can see them,” Octavia warned though her voice seemed soft and unthreatening. Lexa complied as she quickly patted her down. “Where is Nia Kalland?”

Lexa swallowed thickly and motioned with her head towards the edge of the roof. The other officer peered over the side and returned with a sad look in his eyes. He gave Octavia a brief nod.

“I’m sorry,” Octavia muttered as she unclipped her handcuffs from her belt and brought Lexa’s hands behind her back. She remained compliant; she was a murderer after all. Lexa allowed herself a brief moment to ask a single question.

“Is Clarke okay?” she inquired, surprised by her calm and clear voice.

Octavia paused her movements and leaned in, her voice barely above a whisper, “She is being taken to Polis Memorial. Her mother works there. She’ll be in good hands.” She straightened back up with a sad smile on her face. “I’m sure we’ll get this all figured out soon enough,” she muttered.

Lexa felt the cool metal kiss her blood-spattered wrists as she stared at nothing in particular. She remained unmoving, unfeeling, as Octavia read her Miranda rights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I've finished the story, so I'll post a chapter a day with the epilogue coming at you this Sunday!


	16. With or Without You

Lexa was treated with a surprising amount of respect for a murderer. It had not taken long for the police to search Clarke’s apartment, to find the other dead body she was responsible for. She was currently sitting in an interrogation room, playing with a cup of over-steeped, bitter tea, as she waited for her interrogating officer to return. She looked slowly up as the door opened.

“You’re free to go, Ms. Hayes,” the officer spoke without looking up from the file he carried.

“Pardon?”

“You’re free to go. Self-defense is not a punishable crime, Ms. Hayes,” the officer repeated.

Self-defense? They were classifying both deaths self-defense? Lexa was sure Titus’s murder was justifiably considered that, but not Nia’s. Lexa killed that vile, defenseless woman out of pure hatred and bloodlust.

The officer took her stillness as confusion and began to elaborate. “The office building across from Ms. Griffin’s apartment has security cameras. Stupid bastard stood in plain sight at Griffin’s bedroom window. Cameras caught the whole thing. Self-defense. And we have a witness to the Kalland death. She saw the whole thing. Self-defense. If I were a betting man, I’d also wager Ms. Griffin herself will confirm the danger Ms. Kalland posed to your life.”

Clarke. Lexa finally stood from her chair. The force at which she propelled herself upwards caused the metal chair to crash to the ground. The officer glared at her, but Lexa ignored his gaze.

“Is Ms. Griffin alright?” Lexa stuttered, her one-track mind pushing all thoughts save one from her head.

“I believe so, yes. An officer is about to head to the hospital now to take her statement.”

Relief washed over her body, and Lexa finally let a small portion of her wall crumble. This was the first piece of news she had about Clarke in the last several hours. Clarke was alive. She cleared her throat in a small form of apology for the chair and asked calmly, “Would it be alright if I went as well?”

The officer stared at her for a moment, contemplating the appropriateness of the request. He began to speak as the interrogation room door opened once again. The officer from earlier, Octavia, stuck her head in. “Miller, hey man, it’s alright. She can come with me to the hospital,” Octavia said.

Miller looked back at Lexa uncertainly for a few tense seconds before issuing her a small nod. Lexa muttered a quiet thanks as she walked past him and out of the room.

\--

Polis Memorial was a bustling, expansive hospital, and Lexa was suddenly grateful she was walking in at the heels of a police officer who seemed to know exactly where she was going. She followed her wordlessly through the halls, turning every so often until she stopped in front of a heavy looking door.

“Look, you go on in. Tell her I’m here to take her statement,” Octavia said softly. She placed her hand on Lexa’s shoulder and looked her in the eye. “When she’s ready, okay? Take all the time you need.”

Lexa could hear the implications in Octavia’s words. She understood what this officer was telling her. Get the story straight first, then have Clarke talk to her. Not that Lexa was about to let Clarke lie for her. She would never ask her to put herself in danger like this again.

There was no use explaining all that to Octavia, so Lexa just nodded and watched as Octavia took a seat in the chair just to the right of the door. She was so different from the woman she knew in the source universe. She was kinder. Living a life without constantly worrying about imminent death must soften a person.

Lexa looked back up and swallowed thickly before pushing the hospital door open. She stood just inside the doorway for a moment as her eyes adjusted to the dimly lit room. It took her a full 30 seconds before she registered the other woman approaching her.

“Hi, you must be Lexa. Octavia called ahead and said you’d be coming. I’m Dr. Abby Griffin,” the woman said quietly, holding out her hand.

“Clarke’s mom,” Lexa said simply, finally shaking the offered hand with a single firm pump. “Is she…” Lexa let her eyes drift to the bed a few feet away. Clarke slept soundly, looking small and frail, but alive. Lexa felt the tears prickling behind her eyes again.

“She’s going to be fine. It was a little touch and go there during surgery, but she pulled through,” Dr. Griffin said, every word dripping with the professionalism learned from years of practicing medicine. “She suffered a great deal of blood loss and the internal damage was severe. She will likely remain in the hospital for a few weeks. She’s asleep right now, but her post-op exam looked good. You’re welcome to wait by her side.”

Lexa nodded slowly. She tried to process what Clarke’s mother was saying; she tried to understand. But all Lexa could currently think about was how uncomfortable her shoes were. She was still dressed in her clothes from this morning. Her work clothes. And her work boots. They never were her favorite, but she knew they matched the majority of her wardrobe and had just the right look to be professional. Lexa scrunched her eyes in confusion at her own thoughts. Why the hell was she worried about her fucking shoes? Clarke’s mother was right in front of her, talking about Clarke’s surgery. Clarke was lying unconscious in a hospital bed five feet from her and here she was, obsessing over her stupid shitty shoes. She shook her head minutely and shifted her weight from foot to foot as Dr. Griffin continued to speak.

“Listen, Lexa. I don’t know you, but I do know my daughter. She doesn’t let people help her, and she certainly doesn’t let people think she needs them. Clarke was asking for you until the moment they put her under. Do you understand?” Dr. Griffin asked.

“I, uh, I’m…” Lexa stuttered. She couldn’t wrap her head around what the doctor was trying to tell her. Her mind raced a million miles a minute, bouncing from the most insignificant details, like her stupid fucking uncomfortable shoes, to the sounds of the machines Clarke was hooked up to, to the ticking of her analog watch she was wearing, to the way Clarke’s chest rose with every breath, to the way Dr. Griffin’s eye twitched slightly as she studied her.

“Don’t hurt her, Lexa,” Dr. Griffin finished, her voice lowered and slightly threatening. Lexa ducked her head in a short nod. _‘Don’t hurt her.’_ She’d already caused Clarke so much pain. So much suffering. The woman had been tortured, kidnapped, and shot twice in the few short weeks she’d known her.

Lexa felt Dr. Griffin gently squeeze her shoulder before leaving her alone in the hospital room. She walked over to the bed and finally got a good look at her soulmate. Clarke looked pale and weak but alive. She had IV tubes hooked up to her arm, a blood pressure cuff wrapped around her bicep and a monitor attached to her finger. Lexa could see all the vital signs the equipment was gathering displayed on the various monitors by her bed. The comforting steady beeping of Clarke’s heart rate soothed her for a moment.

Lexa leaned down and carefully grasped Clarke’s hand. It was warm, and that simple fact caused Lexa’s heart to ache. She was going to be okay. Lexa gently rubbed nondescript patterns over the back of her hand before leaning over and placing a small kiss to the corner of Clarke’s mouth. Lexa sat back in the chair next to the bed and continued to hold her hand.

Sitting there, listening to all the monitors, Lexa allowed her thoughts to overwhelm her mind. Silent tears began to fall from her eyes as she thought about all the pain she had caused this beautiful woman. All the physical pain and torture she had put her through, and Clarke didn’t deserve any of it. Lexa didn’t deserve her. She selfishly brought Clarke into her world of viators and auctors. She let Nia see her weakness. She let Nia shoot her twice. Clarke deserved better.

Lexa’s breath caught in her throat as she felt the fingers beneath her own twitch. She stood and placed her free hand on Clarke’s cheek and gently caressed it as the blonde slowly woke.

“Clarke? Clarke, it’s alright,” Lexa soothed as she finally saw blue eyes flutter open.

“Lexa?” the blonde’s voice was hoarse and sleep-strained.

“I’m here, Clarke. Do you know where you are?” Lexa asked gently, her hand still on her cheek.

“Yeah, I do,” Clarke hissed as she attempted to sit up.

Lexa’s hand immediately flew to the blonde’s shoulder and eased her back down. “Whoa, hold on, Clarke. Lie back.”

“Ugh, fine,” she huffed. “But I need you to do me a favor.”

“Anything,” Lexa said quickly. She was in no position to deny this woman a single thing right now.

Clarke smirked, “Kiss me.”

Except perhaps that. It wasn’t that Lexa wasn’t dying to do that very thing; it was just that Clarke was seriously injured and her mother had specifically told her not to hurt her further. She really didn’t want to put more strain on the woman who seemed so fragile lying in the hospital bed in front of her. “Clarke, you just woke from surgery, and from what your mother told me, it was pretty intense. I don’t know if-”

Clarke cut her off firmly with a shake of her head, “I’m not made of glass, Lexa. I won’t break. Too stubborn for all that, remember? And I just spent several days, or spent several days in the span of a second, whatever… I’ve been tied up, thrown off a horse (although that was completely my doing), shot, hit over the head, and shot again. So I deserve a little comfort here. Now lean your fine ass over this goddamn hospital bed, and kiss your girlfriend.”

Lexa sighed, unwilling to deny Clarke, “Will you promise to take it easy if I do?”

Clarke gave a small noncommittal shrug and a half smile in response. Lexa slowly leaned forward, hovering just over Clarke’s lips before she finally closed the remaining distance. Though it lasted for several seconds, the kiss remained chaste. Lexa was not about to cause any further pain by overexerting her soulmate. The pair broke apart as they heard someone nearby clear their throat.

“Hey, Mom,” Clarke grimaced.

Abby walked closer to the bed and leaned over Clarke, tucking an errant strand of blonde hair behind her ear. Lexa sat back in the chair, allowing the mother and daughter a moment.

“Clarke, how are you feeling?” Abby asked.

Clarke rolled her eyes dramatically, “Like I’ve been shot, Mom.” Abby sighed but didn’t respond to her snarky daughter. The tension wasn’t lost on Lexa, but now was not the time to dive into the complicated web of a mother-daughter relationship.

Appareanymoreting to change the topic, Clarke smirked before asking her mother, “Have you met Lexa?”

Lexa stiffened in the chair and gave a tight-lipped smile to both the Griffin women. Abby returned the gesture, just as grudgingly, and turned back to her daughter.

“I have. Listen, sweetheart, Octavia is here to speak with you. To take your statement. Are you up for that?”

Right, Lexa was supposed to tell Clarke that. Shit. How long had she been here? Was Octavia waiting that long?

“Yeah, sure. Can you give me one minute though? I’ll send Lexa out when I’m ready. Please, Mom,” Clarke pleaded.

“Alright. Don’t take too long now.” Abby gave a warning look to Lexa before silently closing the door behind her. An obvious reminder to not hurt her daughter. Guilt overwhelmed Lexa again. All the pain and suffering flooded her thoughts. She was only slightly pulled from them with the sound of Clarke’s voice.

“Listen, Lexa, Indra met me at the hospital before I was admitted for surgery. She told me what happened with Nia. She said she would testify that it was self-defense. I just want you to know that I’m going to tell Octavia the truth. I’m going to tell her how Nia confessed to Costia’s murder. How she tried to kill you. You aren’t going to go to jail for her death, Lexa.”

“Clarke, you don’t understand,” Lexa began.

“It doesn’t matter, Lexa. She would have killed you given the chance.”

“I killed her out of pure hatred. It was murder. I am a murderer,” Lexa said firmly. There was no point in trying to deny the facts. She killed Nia because she wanted to, not because she had no other choice. She killed her because she threatened the love of her life.

“Lexa, you’re not-”

“Clarke,” Lexa interrupted. She didn’t want to hear the condolences, the reassurances that what she did was justifiable. Because the truth of the matter was that she did it, and she didn’t regret it. The only thing she regretted was all the agony she had caused this woman in front of her. Clarke didn’t deserve it. She didn’t deserve Lexa and all the baggage and danger that came with her. The only thing left for her to do, the only thing she could think of to not hurt Clarke any more, caused her heart to pound. Lexa heaved a sigh of defeat, “I can’t do this. I can’t…”

“Look, it’s going to be alright. Indra and I have your back. Nia got what she deserved,” Clarke stated.

She was missing the point. She didn’t understand that Lexa was no good for her. “That’s not… Clarke, please. You’re hurt. Because of me-”

“Because of Nia.”

“Because Nia wanted to hurt me. Me, Clarke. I can’t let you get caught up in this. I’m sorry,” Lexa lamented.

“Lexa, Octavia is a friend. She knows me. She’s going to believe what I tell her. Nia was dangerous. You did what you had to do.”

“Clarke, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I just… I can’t. I can’t keep doing this to you,” she conceded, determined now to do what must be done. It was for the best. But she couldn’t leave without making Clarke understand. She at least deserved that.

“It’s going to be okay. Just go get Octavia. I’ll talk to her. You’ll see,” Clarke commanded.

“But-”

“Octavia. Now.”

Clarke was so stubborn. A trait that Lexa had come to love over the many versions of her soulmate. That stubbornness was a detriment at the moment. Clarke was not letting her explain. She wouldn’t even hear it. Lexa contemplated waiting to leave until after Clarke spoke with Octavia, but she knew the longer she waited, the less likely she would be able to actually do what needed to be done. To put her logic over her emotions. Clarke deserved a relationship with someone who didn’t threaten her life by just being the most important person to them. Clarke deserved the world, and Lexa was convinced she wasn’t capable of delivering that. So she did what needed to be done.

Lexa pursed her lips and gave Clarke a nod. She brought their still intertwined hands to her lips and gently kissed the back of Clarke’s hand. As she released her fingers, Lexa let a single tear roll down her cheek before she walked away. When she glanced back at Clarke before opening the door, she was met with a confused look. Clarke’s face suddenly broke from confusion to realization to anger.

“Lexa! Don’t. Don’t do it-”

“Goodbye, Clarke,” Lexa interrupted. She forced a small quiet smile on her lips, a smile of comfort for the blonde, and she took a final glance at her soulmate.

\--

**_Indra_ ** _: I dropped your car off at your house. Keys are in the flowerpot hanging on your porch._

**_Lexa_ ** _: Thanks_

**_Indra_ ** _: It’s going to be alright, Lexa. You did what must be done._

Lexa locked her screen. She didn’t care if she was going to get away with murder or not. It didn’t matter. Nothing really mattered anymore. Though she knew what she did was for the best, her heart was still torn in half. How could she be in this much pain over a woman she had only been on two dates with? Because she was her soulmate. That’s why. Her true love who she would do anything to protect. Even leave her. She would endure a broken heart to save Clarke from the pain and suffering that was inevitable if she stayed with Lexa. Lexa was just a magnet for that, and she’d be damned if she put Clarke in harm’s way again.

Lexa reached into the hanging plant and retrieved her keys as she heard her ride share drive away. She entered her home, locking the door behind her. She leaned up against her front door and let the tears fall freely.

Lexa made her way to the bathroom and looked at herself for the first time since this morning. She looked like shit. Though she roughly cleaned herself up at the police station earlier, dried flecks of blood still peppered her skin. She stripped the remaining clothes that weren’t confiscated by the police and ran a hot shower.

Lexa stood under the scalding stream and watched the water run red off of her as she was slowly cleansed of the day. What a fucking day it had been. With the water running cold, Lexa finally finished her shower and crawled into bed on her usual side. She pulled the other pillow close and inhaled. Clarke had slept on this pillow less than 24 hours ago, and it still smelled like her.

Lexa cried herself to sleep that night.

\--

_ Tuesday 10-16-18 _

**_Clarke (8:23am)_ ** _: Guess who just got her phone back!_

**_Clarke (8:31am)_ ** _: Will you come visit me today?_

**_Clarke (9:15am)_ ** _: Are you staying away because of the police? I told Octavia the truth. She assured me you’d be safe. I trust her, and you can too._

**_Clarke (6:47pm)_ ** _: I miss you_

**_Clarke (8:15pm)_ ** _: Indra just left. She regaled me with all your heroic deeds in the source world. Did you really jump off that tower? That’s a serious Tomb Raider cut-scene worthy move there. Wish I could have seen it. Have I ever told you about my slight obsession with Lara Croft? The new one, not the humorously disproportionate original. Those new games are seriously amazing. If you haven’t played them, you need to remedy that ASAP, Hayes! And don’t even get me started on the new movie. I don’t care what anyone else says. That movie was FUN! And badass! Alicia Vikander was an inspired choice. You know, she kind of reminds me of you_

**_Clarke (8:17pm)_ ** _: Sorry for that ramble. You know, people underestimate the value of a good ramble._

**_Clarke (8:18pm)_ ** _: Did you catch that Buffy quote? Do you know Buffy? “Into every generation, a slayer is born…” If you don’t like Buffy, I’m not sure we can see each other any more._

**_Clarke (8:21pm)_ ** _: To forgive is an act of compassion, Lexa. It’s not done because people deserve it. It’s done because they need it._

**_Clarke (8:22pm)_ ** _: Giles, man. He knows. He knows, LEXA!_

**_Clarke (11:38pm)_ ** _: Ugh, I just read all those texts. Sorry. Nurses had just given me a new dose of pain meds. Although, that Giles quote… surprisingly poignant. I feel like you may need to take that one to heart. Forgive yourself, maybe? Because you need it._

_ Wednesday 10-17-18 _

**_Clarke (10:03am)_ ** _: ICU in my dreams_

**_Clarke (11:56pm)_ ** _: Medical puns not working for you? Too soon?_

_ Thursday 10-18-18 _

**_Clarke (7:17am)_ ** _: Oh! I forgot to ask the other day… Indra told me you rode Iris! How was my baby? Did she behave for you?_

**_Clarke (1:31pm)_ ** _: Look, Lexa, I get that you’re probably scared, but don’t shut me out. Please text back. Or call. Calling works. I miss you_

**_Clarke (8:22pm)_ ** _: Please tell me you didn’t leave me in the hospital. Please tell me what I saw in your eyes as you left wasn’t a goodbye forever. Please tell me that was all in my fuzzy post-op head._

_ Saturday 10-20-18 _

**_Clarke (3:07am)_ ** _: I can’t do this. I want you, Lexa, but if you can’t see that… I can’t keep doing this. You aren’t talking to me. You aren’t talking to Indra. She told me as much when she came to visit yesterday. Even Anya stopped by. She said you missed your game on Wednesday and you’re ignoring her too. Why are you doing this? Why are you avoiding everyone? What are you afraid of? I know you aren’t doing this to protect me. I know you remember me telling you I don’t need your protection. I’m a grown woman. I make my own decisions. I choose to put myself in whatever situation I want. It’s not up to you to decide for me. I want you._

_ Tuesday 10-23-18 _

**_Clarke (12:44pm)_ ** _: My recovery is going well, if you care to know_

_ Thursday 10-25-18 _

**_Clarke (1:16am)_ ** _: So you went to all that trouble to save me, just to leave me here?_

_ Friday 10-26-18 _

**_Clarke (7:59pm)_ ** _: I saw Indra again today. She said you quit your job. Good for you, I guess. Maybe you can finally find what you’re passionate about._

_ Sunday 10-28-18 _

**_Clarke (9:09am)_ ** _: I’m being released today. Got the all clear from good ol’ Dr. Griffin herself. I just wanted you to know. But don’t worry, I won’t come looking for you. It’s pretty clear you don’t want to see me._

_ Wednesday 11-7-18 _

**_Clarke (11:33am)_ ** _: Being in this apartment is weird now. I keep flashing back to everything that happened. I honestly haven’t spent the night here since I was released. I’ve been staying with Octavia and Lincoln. They’re actually helping me look for a new place. Oh, and speaking of Octavia, she told me today that Nia’s case was officially closed. You won’t be charged with her murder. And Costia’s death has been re-examined. They’re labeling it a murder. Costia’s memory has been cleared._

**_Clarke (10:08pm)_ ** _: I don’t know why I’m continuing to text you. You’re still ignoring everyone. I guess I’m just holding on to hope, though it’s getting harder and harder each day._

_ Thursday 11-15-18 _

**_Clarke (11:18pm)_ ** _: It has officially been one month since I last saw you. One month since I last heard from you. Indra is worried. Anya is worried. You’ve pretty much dropped off the face of the planet. I won’t lie to you. This month has been hard. I’ve had my days where I hate you. I’ve had my days where I cry for you. I’ve even had my days where I understand your decision. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ll stop pestering you now. You made your decision. I don’t agree, but as I said before, we are grown women. We make our choices for ourselves. I can’t make you be with me any more than you can make me not want you. I’ll move on eventually, I know, but I just want you to know that I truly believed we were meant to be. I know I can’t make you see that, but I just had to say it to you before I said goodbye. So I’ll end this last essay of a text message with this <image attachment>_

Lexa clicked on the attachment to see a sketch of a black stiletto with the words “you’re my solemate” written above it. Despite herself, Lexa felt a half smile spread across her face.

It had been a whole month.

The first couple of weeks were hard. She had found herself hopping continuously into other universes, living some for months, but every time she came back, only a moment had passed, and the heart-crushing realization that this was the one world she didn’t have Clarke nearly destroyed her. Lexa was drowning, but she managed to stay afloat knowing that what she did was for the best. Clarke could lead a healthy life without her. All of her friends could lead healthy lives without her.

Ignoring all their text messages and phone calls was easy. Ignoring Indra at work had been significantly more difficult, but she really only saw her the day she turned in her resignation letter. It was easier now. Lexa knew Clarke had recovered well. She was okay. That was really all that mattered.

\--

Lexa sat on her couch flipping through the channels becoming more and more irritated by the second. Christmas commercials saturated every damn channel, and seeing all the happy couples and families was extra aggravating this year. Who the hell did these advertising agencies think they were? Shoving all this happy bullshit in the public’s face. Not everyone enjoyed the holidays. Not everyone needed to be reminded of all the things they couldn’t have. Of all the things they didn’t deserve. Fuck Coca-Cola and their annoyingly adorable polar bear family!

A pounding on her door startled Lexa from her inner rant.

“Open up, Hayes! It’s nearly game time!” Anya shouted through her front door. _Shit_ , she had completely forgotten about the USWNT. She had shut out Anya along with everyone else in her life weeks ago, and soccer was the last thing on her tortured mind.

“Hayes! Get over yourself, and open the damn door. I know you’re in there. Your car is in the driveway,” Anya rattled on.

Lexa rolled her eyes to the ceiling and finally opened the door.

“About fucking time,” Anya said as she pushed a six-pack, minus the 2 beers she just grabbed, into Lexa’s arms. “Pop these in the fridge, will ya?”

Lexa cleared a little space in the fridge and tucked the remaining beer in. Anya was behaving as she normally did. Maybe this wasn’t going to be as bad as she thought. Maybe Anya would just let everything fall back to the way it was before. Before Clarke.

Determined to at least give it a go, Lexa made her way back to her living room to see that Anya had already switched her TV to the game.

The pair watched the game in silence, not that it was an unusual way to watch their team play. Anya and Lexa were often women of few words. It was one of the things Lexa truly valued about their friendship. There was really something to be said about sitting in perfectly comfortable silence with another person.

Lexa breathed a sigh of relief to herself. Things were going well. Anya had yet to bring up anything uncomfortable, and Lexa was beginning to really let her guard down. Until halftime.

During the break in the game, Anya muted the television and swiftly turned to face Lexa. “So, you’ve missed pretty much the whole season, Hayes. You so hung up on breaking hearts that you can’t even show up for your team?”

Lexa felt her wall rebuild at an impressive speed, “Anya, that’s not-”

“I’m not finished, Hayes,” Anya interrupted, throwing a single hand in the air. “I read all the articles. I saw the news clips. I know what Nia did to Costia. To Clarke. To you. Why didn’t you tell me? My best friend goes all Liam fucking Neeson after her boss kidnaps her girlfriend, and I have to hear about it on the goddamn evening news!”

Lexa sighed. Anya had a point. She was, for all intents and purposes, Lexa’s best friend and she hadn’t told her a single thing about what happened. She cut her out completely. “I couldn’t,” she relented. “I never told anyone about my past. Just Clarke.”

“And then you left her. That doesn’t make any sense, Lexa. None. You two were so good for each other. I mean that game we watched together? Y’all were fucking gross. What the hell happened?”

“You said you saw the news. You know what happened,” Lexa shrugged as she let her face and voice remain emotionless.

“Yeah, Nia shot Clarke,” Anya stated. “And?”

“And it was my fault!” Lexa spat, her emotions finally peaking through. “She was hurt because of me. Costia died because of me. I couldn’t let that happen to Clarke. People die when they’re with me.”

“Fuck, Hayes. That has to be one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth. You realize how ridiculous that sounds, right? You weren’t responsible for the actions of that psychopath. That was all Nia Kalland. Not you.”

“It was me though,” Lexa admitted dejectedly.

“Look, you self-sacrificing pain in the ass, Clarke loves you,” Anya said. Lexa threw her a surprised and almost exasperated look. Before Lexa could open her mouth to retort, Anya continued, “I know, I know, you only went on two dates, blah, blah, blah. But I visited her in the hospital. I held her as she cried because you weren’t there. And the thing is, she still wanted you. Even after you left her in the fucking hospital after getting shot.”

Anya let that last sentence hang in the air for a good moment, fully intending for that fact to sink into Lexa’s brain. It did. She made her point. Lexa had accepted that a long time ago. A little emotional pain was better than being dead, and Lexa was still convinced that that would be Clarke’s fate if she stayed with her.

“If that’s not love, I don’t know what is. And it’s clear to me by the state you’re in,” Anya gestured to all of Lexa. “When was the last time you washed your hair anyway? You know what, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know,” she said shaking her head. Lexa looked appalled. She had, in fact, never neglected her personal hygiene. So what if she didn’t take all the time to perfectly comb through her wavy locks this morning. That shit took a lot of time. It was still clean, dammit!!! Lexa glared at Anya who just shrugged and continued, “Whatever, the point is, you love her too.”

Lexa felt a pang in her chest. Was it that obvious still? Fuck, there was no point denying it now. “I do love her, I just want what’s best for her. I bring her pain. I’m no good for her. She deserves better,” Lexa admitted.

She looked down at her hands as she wrung them nervously. That was the first time she admitted out loud that she loved Clarke. She would always love Clarke. She loved Clarke in every single version of the universe. There was no denying that. Had she made a mistake? Was she wrong to leave her? Could they actually live a happy life in this reality, or were they doomed to always be a maybe someday?

“Alexandria Denise Hayes,” Anya practically fumed. “Shut the fuck up, and pay attention because I’m only going to say this once. I’ve been your captain for seven years. You are an amazing teammate and an amazing friend. I’ve seen you pine over exactly one person in seven years. If she is what you want, you deserve it. Don’t think for one second that you aren’t good enough. You’re smart, you’re kind, you’re funny, and you’re pretty fucking wonderful when you let that damn emotional wall of yours down. Not to mention you have a rockin’ soccer bod. You’re a goddamn catch, Hayes. So do yourself a fucking favor, and actually listen to that beautiful blonde woman telling you she wants you. Okay?”

Lexa sat there, dumbfounded, “How do you know my full name?”

“Jesus fuck, Hayes! That’s your response?” Anya exploded, punching Lexa in the arm playfully. “Get your head out of your ass, and go win back your woman.”

“Okay,” was all Lexa said. She smiled to herself. Anya was the first person to ever really tell her she deserved to have what she wanted. That she was enough. Anya. Her tough, brash captain who was not known to give inspiringly sweet pep talks, just told her she was good enough. Apparently, that was all that was needed to re-light the fire.

Anya smirked at her, “Good. Now can we please finish watching the USA kick some ass?”

\--

After the game ended, Lexa walked her captain to the door. Anya turned before leaving and gave her an uncharacteristically comforting againstg. Anya gently rubbed her hand up and down Lexa’s back as she whispered in her ear, “Your player registration card.”

“What?” Lexa blurted.

“Your player registration card,” Anya repeated, releasing Lexa from the hug. “That’s how I know your full name. Captain, remember?”

Lexa smiled and shook her head. She grabbed her captain’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, urging her to look her in the eye, “Thanks, Anya. For everything.”

“Go get her, Hayes,” Anya said as she walked out the door, throwing her a nonchalant wave as she went. Lexa watched as Anya headed to her car. Before she stepped inside, she heard her shout, “You know you’ve got to pull some grand romantic gesture, right? I’m talking some serious panty-ruining shit, Hayes!”

“Anya! Can you not?”

“Just stating the facts. Lord knows you have some serious things to make up for before you can get laid!”

“Anya!”

\--

Lexa’s body slammed against the wall. The plexiglass shook at the impact, sending waves cascading down the barrier. She groaned as her opponent dashed by her and sent a perfect shot soaring past Gustus and into the back of the net. Anya jogged over to her, offering her hand. Lexa grunted and rolled her eyes as she took it and pulled herself up.

“Get up, Hayes.”

“Easy for you to say. You’re not the one getting slammed here,” Lexa spat as she rubbed her sore shoulder. “He’s been all over me this whole game.”

“Suck it up, or do something about it. Don’t complain to me,” Anya shrugged as she jogged to her starting position before kickoff, leaving Lexa fuming behind her. The Mountain Men were their toughest opponents every season, and this game was proving no different. They were currently tied as the pale, dark-haired man that had been all over her, made a run down the field. Lexa matched his speed and kept her shoulder pressed against him. The intention wasn’t to foul, but to let him know that she was there and that he would have to deal with her if he wanted the ball.

Her opponent gave her a nudge, trying to push her off of him, but she planted her feet and responded with a knock of her own.

“Get off me!” He sneered at her. Lexa responded with another little nudge. She loved getting under the skin of forwards. They were so easy to annoy, and today, she really needed a little extra outlet for her aggression.

She still hadn’t spoken to Clarke. She had not come up with a decent enough romantic gesture. She was terrified that it was too late, that Clarke had moved on. Every day that passed the likelihood of any gesture being enough was slowly fading. She knew that, but she still did nothing.

So there she was, five minutes left in a brutal game that had given her fair share of bruises, most of which came that the hands of this goddamn forward, and all she wanted was to hit something and hit it hard. But physically fighting wasn’t allowed in a soccer game, so Lexa decided to do the next best thing. She would annoy the shit out of this forward until he couldn’t take it any longer.

The forward finally got the ball at his feet, his back pressed to Lexa. She shoved hard with her shoulder as she poked her foot around, trying to free the ball from his feet. He was bigger and stronger than her but definitely not smarter. Lexa shifted her body weight to the right, hoping that he would sense an opportunity and try to spin around her left. Her faith was well placed. The forward took the offered bait and made his move to her left. Lexa kept her left leg firmly planted in place. He didn’t stand a chance. His legs tangled with her own, and he hit the turf face first. The man popped up, humiliation and rage exploding over his face. Lexa smirked and raised a taunting eyebrow at him as the referee called the foul.

“Ref! Come on! That’s a yellow! She did that on purpose!” he yelled at the official. When it became clear that the ref was not going to card her, the forward turned to her, “You little bitch! I know you did that on purpose.”

“What’s the matter, Wallace? Is little Lexa here being mean to you?” Anya taunted from behind Lexa. Wallace’s face turned red as he barely contained his anger. He glared menacingly at Anya before taking a step towards her. He cocked his fist backwards, but before he could throw his punch, Lexa stepped forward and landed one of her own. Directly to his nose, sending a satisfying crack through the air. Wallace stumbled backwards, clinging to his bleeding nose, as whistles blew all around them.

Lexa sighed as the official presented her with a red card. She turned to Anya and gave her a half-hearted shrug before making her way off the field.

\--

Lexa leaned her back against the wall as she waited for her team to exit. She pulled her warm-up jacket tighter around her as the crisp December air enveloped her body. She winced as her knuckles protested the movement. Shit, she needed to ice her hand soon. Lexa debated just marching to her car and leaving, but she knew that would seriously piss off Anya, who no doubt would want words with her.

“You know, Hayes,” Lexa turned her head towards her captain’s voice. “When I told you to do something about it, I meant score a goal or maybe throw him a discreet elbow to the back. Not fucking break his nose in front of the goddamn referee.”

“I broke his nose?” Lexa smirked.

“Fuck, Hayes. Yeah, you did. And it was magnificent. The little shit sat the rest of the game on the bench, whimpering pathetically as he held ice to his face.”

Lexa smiled smugly.

“Beyond the fact that it was amazing and he had it coming, you’re red carded. You’re out for the next game. In seven years I’ve never seen you do anything like that. What the hell?”

Lexa sighed. “I know. I just… He was after me the whole game, and then I saw him going for you, and I snapped.”

“Not that I don’t appreciate that chivalrous intention, but seriously, what’s going on? Did Clarke not take you back?” Anya asked, her face suddenly turning to something resembling sympathy. The expression looked alarmingly out of place on her captain, but Lexa ignored it for the time being.

“I haven’t talked to her yet,” she grumbled.

All sympathy instantly fled Anya’s face as her expression fell into a more familiar scowl. “Lexa! What the actual fuck? I gave you that epic speech weeks ago! What the hell?”

“I’m just nervous,” Lexa admitted. She felt her whole body slump in defeat and hopelessness. “I fucked up. I seriously fucked up. What if she doesn’t forgive me?”

“Oh my fucking god,” Anya deadpanned, not giving a second’s care to Lexa’s obviously defeated body language. “I’m not going to stroke your ego again. Woman the fuck up. Talk to Clarke. Tomorrow.”

Lexa pursed her lips and looked away. She knew she just had to bite the bullet and do it. She spent enough time agonizing over it. She had to talk to Clarke. She had to apologize for the stupidest decision she had ever made. She had to tell Clarke how she really felt. She owed Clarke that. Hell, Lexa owed herself that.

“Tomorrow, Hayes,” Anya commanded as she walked away. Lexa made it all the way to her car before she heard Anya shout across the parking lot. “And put some fucking ice on your hand. Don’t want your injured hand clam jamming you when you make up with Clarke!”

Lexa rolled her eyes and shook her head, trying like hell to keep the smile off her face as she slipped into the driver’s seat. Some things would never change.


	17. We Belong

Lexa sat in her car and took a deep, steadying breath. It was December 17th. Exactly two months and two days since she had last seen or spoken to Clarke. Two months and two days of shutting her out, of building her wall. And today was the day she was going to send a wrecking ball straight through that god damn defense mechanism and crumble it to the fucking ground. Today was the day she was going to embarrass the shit out of herself to win back the love of her soulmate. And she was utterly terrified.

Lexa looked to her right at the box currently sitting on her passenger side seat. That thing had taken the most time to procure, but she wouldn’t have done it any other way. Thank god for eBay. She even stayed up way too late to make sure the thing worked properly, running through the motions again and again until she was certain it would all flow perfectly.

She grabbed the box and exited her car, all too aware that she was parked illegally in the lot, but this is where she needed to be. If she was going to embarrass herself, if she was going to pull off this grand romantic gesture, she was damn well going to do it right.

Lexa walked slowly towards the front of her car, the tail of her trench coat billowed behind her as the brisk December wind swirled around. Lexa took a final look up at the parking garage converted to office space for Arkadia Creative. Yes, she said parking garage. Clarke’s office was actually located in a converted parking garage. Fucking hipsters…

Lexa took one final steadying breath before pressing play on the boombox. She heard the button click and watched as the tape began to play. Lexa twisted the volume knob as far as it would go and hoisted the boombox over her head, holding on with both hands.

As the opening lines of the song rang through the air, Lexa began to see Clarke’s co-workers make their way to the windows, their heads pressed against the glass. Some even came out the front door, eagerly waiting to see what would happen next. All of them, every single fucking one, had their phones out, and she was sure she’d see this up on social media in no time. Lexa gave an exasperated sigh at the thought.

She wanted to turn around and hide in her car. Clarke wouldn’t mind just a simple text message apology, right?

No, no, that would not do. Lexa left her in the hospital after being shot, for fuck’s sake. Clarke definitely deserved every ounce of cheesy cuteness Lexa could muster. So she gritted her teeth, she squared her shoulders, she stood tall, she stood brave, she stood determined, and she kept her eyes trained on the one window she knew was Clarke’s.

Lexa gulped as she finally saw a flash of blonde hair appear. She held her breath as Clarke opened the window and inhaled sharply as she finally saw the beautiful face she had been dreaming of for 13 years.

“What the hell are you doing?” she heard Clarke shout down to her.

Lexa set her face determinedly and held the boombox higher in the air. She was committed.

Her heart instantly dropped as she saw Clarke roll her eyes and disappear back into the parking garage. _Fuck_. This was a stupid fucking idea. There was no way Clarke was going to forgive all the stupid shit she had pulled just because Lexa had held a god damned boombox over her head. She felt like the world’s biggest moron.

Lexa let her head fall in defeat, and she heard a collective disappointing and sympathetic, but no less embarrassing, “aww” echo from all the on-lookers. She slowly lowered the boombox, gripping it by the handle with her left hand. Just as she was about to turn and head back to her car, she saw Clarke exit the building.

Clarke looked lovely in the afternoon sun. Winter had taken hold, and the sun was already dipping down towards the horizon, illuminating Clarke’s hair with an almost haloed effect. Her thick boots echoed loudly on the pavement as she walked slowly and cautiously towards Lexa, her face indifferent. Lexa swallowed thickly as Clarke finally came to a stop in front of her. Clarke reached down and twisted the volume knob, lowering the sound of the music in the air.

“Lexa, what do you think you’re doing? I haven’t heard from you in two months. Total radio silence. And you just show up here, now? Why?” Clarke demanded, her face remaining stoic. If Lexa were thinking clearly, she would have remarked on how well Clarke used her own tactic against her.

“Clarke, please, let me-”

“You hurt me, Lexa. After everything that we went through, after the pain, the torture, after all of it, you left me. That was worse than anything I physically endured,” she stated sadly, her voice only loud enough for Lexa to hear.

“I know.”

"So what? Am I supposed to forgive you now? Forget that you were an ass? Let you tell me we’re meant to be? That we’re fucking soulmates?”

“That would be nice,” Lexa joked flatly. When the blonde in front of her merely crossed her arms, Lexa sighed and tried again.

“Clarke, I know what I did was pretty much the worst possible thing I could have done in that moment. I thought what I was doing was for the best. Seeing you hurt, knowing it was my fault, and realizing that because of who I am it could happen again... Clarke, it nearly destroyed me. I truly believed that all I had to offer you was pain and suffering, and I was convinced that you deserved better. That I wasn’t good enough for you.”

Lexa reached out with her free hand and grabbed Clarke’s. She squeezed it gently. “I was wrong. I know that now. Part of me thinks I always knew that. We are meant to be. We always are. I’m just deeply, devastatingly, sorry it took me this long to realize that. I know that I’m not perfect, and I know you aren’t perfect either, but we are damn near perfect together in every version of the universe. I want you, Clarke. I…”

Lexa closed her eyes and took an even breath. She opened her eyes to find Clarke waiting for her to finish, and well, dammit, she’d come this far, time to test the water with both feet. With the easiest sincereness she’d ever spoken, Lexa finished her romantic gesture with the end all be all confession. “I love you.”

Those last three words hung heavily in the air. Lexa did her best to control her rapidly beating heart as she studied the blonde’s face, desperately trying to read every tiny twitch.

Clarke suddenly dropped Lexa’s hand and reached into her back pocket. “Here,” she said shoving a fancy looking pen towards her. Lexa stared at the writing instrument, utterly bewildered. Clarke wiggled it in front of her, urging Lexa to take it. “Would you just take this pen, please? And write me?”

Lexa held the pen between her thumb and forefinger as if it would burn ugly blisters into her hand if she grasped it fully. She looked back up at Clarke who tilted her head slightly to the side, her face still unreadable. Lexa looked back at the pen. “Write you? Clarke, I tell you I love you, and you give me a p-”

Realization dawned on Lexa’s face, and she could barely contain her smile. Clarke smirked back at her.

“I thought you didn’t like 80’s movies,” Lexa teased with a chuckle hanging on her voice.

“I never said that. I just said that you were a dork,” Clarke grinned. Her eyes flicked down to the boombox Lexa was still holding in her left hand. “Is this song on repeat?” she asked, leaning over Lexa. She reached her arm around and let her fingers gently caress the volume knob. Lexa inhaled deeply. The sensation of her soulmate leaning so close, so tantalizingly close to her, was intoxicating. Lexa did her best to remain composed.

“I made the tape myself. The song plays eight times on Side A,” Lexa said thickly as Clarke slowly turned the volume up. ‘In Your Eyes’ blasted at full volume again as Clarke pulled her hand back from the boombox.

“What’s on Side B?” Clarke coaxed, running her fingers slowly up Lexa’s arm. She cupped the back of her neck and wove her hand into Lexa’s long brown hair. Lexa glanced down at Clarke’s lips and back into her eyes, they were dark and blue and wanting.

Before Lexa could answer, Clarke closed the small gap between them. Lexa could barely hear the loud whooping and cheering of all the on-lookers because Clarke’s lips tasted as sweet as she remembered. She dropped the pen to the ground and pressed her palm to the small of Clarke’s back, urging her closer. The warmth of her love’s body combined with the warmth of her soul on fire melted her fucking wall and sent a flood of wetness to her core.

All too soon, Clarke pulled away but kept the distance between them to a minimum. Her lips brushed against Lexa’s as she spoke, “We still have a lot to discuss, Hayes.” A kiss. “This cheesy yet adorable romantic gesture of yours doesn’t completely get you off the hook for leaving me.” Another kiss. “I expect full restitution in whatever way I see fit.” A deeper, dirtier, bordering inappropriate in such a public space, kiss. “Understand?”

“As you wish,” Lexa mumbled into Clarke’s mouth.

The blonde quickly pulled away with a lighthearted grin on her face. “You’re such a dork,” she sniggered.

“You can’t run away from who you are, Clarke,” Lexa shrugged. Clarke chuckled and shook her head. Lexa barely registered the word ‘dork’ muttered under her breath as she pulled Clarke in for another kiss.

\--

Lexa busied herself in the kitchen, meticulously placing the finishing touches on the dinner she had painstakingly chosen to cook for this occasion. Clarke was due at any moment, and Lexa was bound and determined to make this dish look as delectable as humanly possible. She knew the conversation that they needed to have was going to be an emotional one, so she was doing her best to make sure they had a good meal beforehand. Less chance of someone saying or doing something they regret due to low blood sugar irritability, scientifically referred to as ‘hangry outbursts.’ The wine she paired with the dish certainly wouldn’t hurt either.

Just as Lexa plated the last bit of food, she heard the ever-recognizable roar of a Harley-Davidson engine. Lexa dashed to the front window and peeked out, desperate to see an image that she had only witnessed in her imagination: Clarke dismounting a mother fucking motorcycle. The image before her did not disappoint. Lexa wasn’t sure what was more of a turn on: Clarke removing her helmet, whipping her hair over her shoulder and running her fingers through it, or Clarke gracefully swinging her leg over the bike with the ease of a classically trained ballet dancer. Fuck it. She couldn’t choose. Dammit, Griffin! Were you trying to kill her tonight?

Lexa took a step back and urgently tried to compose herself in the few seconds she had before the inevitable knock on her door. She thought she succeeded as she heard the tentative rapping at her front door. When she opened it, Clarke stood before her with a shy little smile on her face.

“It smells wonderful in here. My mouth started watering as soon as I stepped on your front porch. I can smell it from out here,” Clarke rambled.

Lexa returned her smile with a tight-lipped one of her own. “Come on in, Clarke. Dinner is ready.” She stepped aside and gestured for the blonde to have a seat. She took a moment after Clarke walked past her to breathe deeply. It was going to be okay. Clarke was here. She had decided to forgive her, but they just needed to really talk about everything. To see exactly where they stood.

“Wine?” Lexa asked as she finally walked back into the kitchen.

“Please,” Clarke simply said.

Lexa leaned over the table and filled the two glasses she had already set out. She let out an exasperated sigh and rolled her eyes. “I don’t know why this is so awkward all of the sudden. I mean, I don’t want to sound too cliché, but we could cut this tension with a knife,” she smiled. Lexa slowly leaned forward, pausing for a moment to let Clarke pull back. When she didn’t, Lexa eliminated the final distance between them and gave her a sweet chaste kiss.

“Thank you for coming over tonight.”

“How could I say no to the woman who gained over three thousand Twitter followers in less than two hours?”

Lexa froze as she felt the blood drain from her face. “What?”

“Your little romantic gesture went viral. Don’t you check your social media?”

“I only have a Twitter account to keep up to date with the US Women’s National Team,” Lexa paled. “Why are people following me?”

“My co-workers tagged you in the videos they took of us this afternoon. You really haven’t looked? You’re a hit. It’s actually pretty fucking cute.”

Lexa buried her face in her hands, unable to look Clarke in the eye. “Son of a bitch…”

Clarke chuckled, reaching for Lexa’s hand, “It’s okay, Lexa. We’ll look back on this one day and laugh our asses off. We’ll always have a record of the day you embarrassed the shit out of yourself to win back all my love and affection.”

“What a way to remember your 30th birthday,” Lexa grumbled, still hiding her head in her free hand.

“Wait,” Clarke pulled on Lexa’s hand, urging her to look up. “It’s your birthday?”

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I just did,” Lexa shrugged.

“Lexa,” Clarke smiled. “Happy birthday.”

“Thank you,” Lexa said, squeezing Clarke’s hand. “Let’s eat. Don’t want all my hard work to go to waste just because it got cold.”

\--

With dinner finished and the dishes clean, Clarke led Lexa to her couch and pulled her down. She turned her body towards her and held her hand, “Dinner was fantastic.”

“Thanks,” Lexa said sincerely. She could tell what was coming by the solemn look in Clarke’s eyes. There was no use delaying the inevitable. Lexa readied her mind and soul.

“We have a few things we need to talk about,” Clarke admitted somewhat sheepishly.

“I know,” Lexa simply stated.

“I kinda hate to do this on your birthday. I mean, I didn’t even get you a present.”

“It’s okay, Clarke. Honestly, the best gift is just having you here, willing to talk it out, to give me a second chance.”

“Lexa…”

“I know, it’s okay,” Lexa grabbed on to Clarke’s hands, desperate for something warm and comforting to anchor her in the moment. “I was incredibly stupid and uncaring and selfish, and I left you at such a vulnerable moment in your life, and I honestly thought when I showed up at your office today that you would just ignore me or punch me in the face or maybe even call the police and finally have me arrested for all the glaringly obvious crimes I have committed. And I deserve that. All of it. And if you want to change your mind, if you want to just stand up and walk out of here, I wouldn’t hold it against you. I would understand. You are a stunningly gorgeous specimen of a human being, and you certainly don’t deserve any of what I did to you. But I’d just like you to know that what I said earlier is true. I love you, Clarke. I want you to be happy. I would love nothing more than to be the person that can make you happy on your worst days, the person to keep you happy on your best days, and the person who you can come to when there’s nothing in this universe that could make you happy and just sit there and hold you until you’re ready to try and be happy. But if what I did has ruined that opportunity for me, well, I understand and I truly hope you can find that person for you. You deserve it. You deserve the universe. All of them.”

“Are you finished?”

Lexa nodded.

“Good, because what I was going to say before you interrupted me with that extremely long-winded and run-on sentence of an apology is that I never gave up on us. I knew you’d come back. I remember everything that you showed me. Those worlds… One of us seems to always hurt the other, but we always come back. We always find each other. I had the utmost faith in us. Going through that pain, it’s just a reminder that we’re better together. Being apart is not an option. Now I’m not saying that you didn’t fuck up… Like you majorly fucked up, and we definitely have to work to rebuild that trust there. But what I am saying is that this is something we will get past. You need to promise me that you will stop trying to decide what is best for me by yourself. In order for this to work, we need to be partners. We talk things through. We decide together what is best for us. Do you think you can do that?”

“Clarke, there is nothing in this universe that I wouldn’t be willing to do for you.”

Lexa looked deep into her soulmate's eyes, respectfully ignoring the obvious blush that spread across Clarke’s face. Lexa suddenly overwhelmed with emotion blurted the first thing on her mind, “Will you stay tonight?”

Clarke tensed and sat a little farther back on the couch, and Lexa did her best to back peddle, “I mean, you don’t have to. I just… I just miss waking up next to you. I know we’ve only done that twice, but honestly those two nights-”

“I’d love to.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. So… Is there anything else you’d like to talk about? I mean, we’re on a roll here. Any other skeletons in your closet? Any other issues we need to lay out on the table?”

“Just one.”

Lexa released a heavy sigh and nervously bit the inside of her cheek. “Okay, hit me. What is it? I’ll answer any question you have.”

Clarke let a short chuckle escape her lips. She bit back the full laugh, and the sight of her lower lip in between her teeth did _things_ to Lexa. Lexa stiffened and awaited the question.

“Okay, this is something that is really important. I just… I need to know the truth.”

“Okay. Out with it, Clarke. Just ask. I’ll be honest with you. Always. I promise.”

Lexa waited on bated breath as she watched Clarke slowly swallow and then release a long, drawn out breath of air. The blonde squared her shoulders, making sure she was perfectly facing Lexa. Lexa steadied herself and was ready to face whatever the blonde was about to throw her way. Clarke licked her lips and leaned ever closer, her voice a whisper, “What was on Side B?”

Lexa released a strained chuckle. “Really, Clarke?”

“Yes, really! I’ve been thinking about that all day! You never answered my question earlier. What else did you have up your sleeve?”

“You were the one who kissed me before I could answer!”

“Are you complaining about that turn of events?”

“Never! I was just stating a fact. You interrupted me.”

“Were you not pleased with that interruption?”

“What? No, of course I was pleased-”

Clarke lunged forward and pressed her lips to Lexa’s easily silencing her mid-sentence. Lexa quickly raised her hands, placing one on Clarke’s hip while the other gently cupped her face. When Clarke pulled back to change the angle, she swung her leg over Lexa, straddling her. Lexa pressed her hand harder into her back, bringing Clarke even closer. The sudden warmth and contact caused a low moan to escape her throat. The sensual noise must have sent Clarke into overdrive as she quickly reached down to the hem of Lexa’s shirt. She slowly began to drag the fabric up, her fingers grazing Lexa’s taught stomach. It didn’t take much thought to know where this was leading.

Lexa instantly grabbed Clarke’s wrist and pulled away from her body. Hurt and shame plastered on Clarke’s surprised face. “I’m sorry. I should have asked. I thought we were there. We don’t have to… I’m so sorry. I can go,” Clarke rambled in the short span of two seconds.

Before she could pull herself off of Lexa, Lexa smiled and held on to her hips. “Clarke, we’re on the same page. I just… The first time… Not here. Not on the couch,” Lexa whispered as she felt the flush rise from her chest to the tips of her ears.

“Oh,” Clarke whispered breathily. Her eyes darkened, and she leaned back in slowly capturing Lexa’s bottom lip. She tugged on it with her teeth gently. Lexa felt the desire spread throughout her entire body and settle in her core. With a growl, she wrapped her arms under the blonde’s thighs and stood. Clarke instinctively curled her legs around Lexa’s waist, anchoring herself to her. “Bedroom,” she mumbled into Clarke’s mouth as she began to make her way to her room.

Though she was somewhat shaky, she was pleasantly surprised at her strength. Pure, raw emotion and desire were powerful motivators it seemed. At least until her wimpy little soccer arms gave out.

“Oh, shit!” Lexa squeaked as she ungracefully slammed Clarke into the hallway wall, unable to carry her any farther. Clarke was quick enough to untangle her legs from her waist and landed well and good on her feet. The blonde threw her head back and laughed. Lexa felt the embarrassment flood her chest and buried her head in Clarke’s shoulder, unable to look her soulmate in the eye.

“Damn, Lexa. That was fucking sexy.”

Lexa looked up in shock. That was the last thing she expected to come out of the blonde’s mouth. Lexa licked her lips as Clarke’s smile was replaced with the all too dangerous expression of pure want.

Lexa wove her fingers through the blonde hair and pulled her off the wall and into a searingly dirty kiss. It became messier and wetter as she placed her other hand to Clarke’s hip and guided her the remainder of the way to her bedroom. When Clarke’s knees hit the edge of the bed, she sat and only then, did the two women pause.

“Are you sure?” Lexa asked slowly and clearly.

“Yes. Are you?”

Lexa nodded as she leaned down, cupping Clarke’s face with both hands and placed a long, slow kiss upon her already swollen lips. Lexa felt the warm heat as Clarke grasped the hem of her shirt once again.

“May I?” she mumbled into Lexa’s mouth.

“Yes,” Lexa managed to get out through her heavy breaths. She raised her arms above and allowed Clarke to lift her shirt over her head. With the garment thrown to the side, Lexa felt Clarke’s soft hands begin to explore her newly exposed flesh. Her gentle touches sent shivers throughout Lexa’s body. The overwhelming desire to feel Clarke beneath her spurred her body into motion. She quickly straddled the blonde’s legs and rested her weight in Clarke’s lap. Lexa wrapped her arms desperately around her neck and sighed into the kiss. She felt Clarke’s hands slide up and down her exposed back, her nails dragging every so often until they paused at the strip of fabric encircling her middle. Lexa nodded almost imperceptibly and smiled as she felt her bra snap open.

She pulled away from Clarke just enough to slide the straps off her arms and toss it to the floor. She leaned forward and encouraged Clarke backwards, edging her farther up the bed. When both their legs were no longer on the ground, Lexa slowly laid Clarke down. She crawled down, her face level with the blonde’s abdomen and steadily began to lift the fabric of her shirt. She paused and locked her green eyes with blue, making sure Clarke hadn’t changed her mind. She was met with determined eyes, heavy breath, and an urgent nod.

Lexa continued to slowly reveal the supple pale skin as she lifted the shirt higher and higher, trailing soft kisses as she went. Lexa smiled into her soulmate’s skin as she felt her tremble at the gentle touches. Her breath suddenly caught in her throat. Lexa’s eyes flicked up to Clarke’s face and back down to the new scar that adorned her soulmate’s perfect stomach. Lexa swallowed thickly, trying to hold back the tears that began to burn behind her eyes.

“Hey, it’s okay. It doesn’t hurt now. Lexa, it’s okay,” Clarke soothed as she sat up on her elbows. “It’s just a scar.”

“Clarke,” Lexa whispered. She sat up and pulled Clarke up with her before placing her forehead to Clarke’s. She inhaled a jagged breath and shook her head in shame and guilt. “I’m so-”

“Hey, none of that. We aren’t going to let our past define our future, remember?” Clarke said, lifting Lexa’s chin to look her in the eyes. Lexa nodded imperceptibly and studied the soft features of the blonde woman in front of her. Clarke’s expression suddenly changed from comforting to coy. “So that means that we aren’t going to let a little imperfect skin stop us from having fun tonight, right?”

Clarke then pulled her own shirt over her head. Lexa watched as her blonde hair settled again softly over her shoulder. She reached for Lexa’s hands and guided them behind her.

Clarke twirled her fingers around the little hairs at Lexa’s neck and pressed their foreheads together. “I love you, too. I really do.”

Lexa inhaled sharply and sat back, wanting to see every emotion on Clarke’s face, to make sure she was actually there, sitting in front of her, telling her she loved her. Clarke reached up and brushed the single tear Lexa didn’t even know she shed off her cheek.

“I love you, Lexa. But if you don’t start undressing me right now, I’m going to do it without you.”

With a newfound determination and all thoughts of guilt gone, Lexa unhooked Clarke’s bra and slid it slowly down her arms. A wicked grin emerged on her face as Lexa pressed back down onto Clarke before capturing her lips once again. Her mouth and tongue moved quicker and messier as her desire grew. Lexa sighed and moaned in pleasure as she finally felt her bare skin slide against Clarke’s.

“You’re still wearing too many clothes, Lexa,” Clarke teased, her lips inches from her ear. Lexa shuddered as Clarke’s fingers trailed down her stomach and hooked into the waistband of her jeans.

“So are you,” Lexa replied, taking the opportunity to nip at Clarke’s pulse point. The move earned her a raspy gasp and an almost filthy moan from the blonde. Lexa couldn’t help the smug little smile that crept over her face. That superior attitude was quickly squelched as she was suddenly flipped onto her back with her arms pinned above her head. Lexa’s eyes darted to the ample chest that was tantalizingly close to her face. She gulped as she felt Clarke settle on top of her.

“Alright, Commander, I think it’s my turn to be in charge.”

\--

Lexa’s eyes fluttered open, and she smiled into the mess of blonde hair she was met with. She released a content sigh as she pulled Clarke’s body closer into hers. Lexa trailed her fingers up and down Clarke’s bare skin, painting an unseen picture on her soulmate’s abdomen. She heard the sweetest, content sigh escape the beautiful and talented (an adjective that was recently discovered and very much deserving) mouth in front of her.

“Good morning, Clarke,” Lexa cooed.

“Morning. What time is it?” Clarke asked, her voice still scratchy and sleep strained.

“Early enough for me to make you breakfast before you have to leave for work.”

Clarke turned in Lexa’s arms, facing her. She had a sly smile on her face. “Lexa Hayes. A classic 80’s inspired romantic gesture, a home-cooked meal, a heartfelt apology, mind-blowing sex, AND a home-cooked breakfast in the morning? You sure know how to spoil a woman.”

“Mind-blowing, huh?” Lexa smirked.

“Oh, yes. In fact, I wouldn’t mind re-enacting that again,” Clarke teased before placing a kiss to Lexa’s lips.

“Don’t want to make you late for work,” Lexa mumbled. “You should shower, and I’ll cook.”

“Join me. You can make breakfast while I get dressed.”

There was no use in trying to find fault in that logic.

\--

“You know, you really didn’t have to wear face paint,” Lexa grumbled as she put her car in park. “No one comes to watch these games. I mean, maybe a few family members every once in a while, but it’s honestly not that big of a deal.”

Clarke turned to face her, her eyes stunningly blue framed in the Commander’s signature warpaint. “Are you embarrassed by me, Hayes?”

“No! I mean, maybe?” She grimaced. Lexa saw the satisfied little smirk on the blonde’s face and rolled her eyes. Her girlfriend was adorable and shameless. “No one is going to understand your paint choice anyway,” Lexa muttered.

“Maybe not, but you will,” Clarke stated flatly, raising an eyebrow. “Besides, if I’m going to watch a live sporting event, I’m going to go all out. We always do.”

“We?”

“Yeah, didn’t I tell you? I invited some friends to come watch you play too.”

“What? Clarke, why?”

“They’re curious about my mysterious, gorgeous, charming, talented, and hot as fuck girlfriend that I haven’t stopped talking about.”

“Clarke, we got back together two days ago,” Lexa deadpanned.

“What can I say? When I like something, I can’t keep my mind off of it,” she shrugged with a smile. Clarke suddenly pointed out the window. “Oh, good! They’re here!”

Lexa followed Clarke’s gaze to find a group of people standing in front of the soccer complex. Fuck, Anya was never going to let her live this down. “Clarke,” Lexa whined. “Why do all of your friends have on the warpaint?”

\--

“Your little fan club is exceedingly annoying, Hayes,” Anya stated as she jogged past Lexa and took her spot before kick off. Lexa looked over to the stands and focused in on the boisterous group all sporting the same face paint, currently cheering loudly. “And what the hell is with that paint?”

Lexa gave a non-committal shrug as the whistle blew signaling the start of the game. The game was punctuated with unusually loud reactions from the crowd. It seemed that Clarke and her group of friends inspired the rest of the on-lookers to let loose and cheer for their respective teams. There were oohs, and ahs, and cheers, and whoops, and the occasional ‘what the hell, ref.’ And if Lexa was being completely honest with herself, she absolutely loved it (not the warpaint, just the cheering, the warpaint was a bit much).

As Lexa looked up to the stands at halftime, she chuckled seeing the signs Clarke and her friends had made. Monty’s read: I JUST HOPE BOTH TEAMS HAVE FUN. Raven’s: My best friend’s girlfriend is hotter than yours. Octavia’s just a simple: FUCK YEAH, soccer! Lincoln’s: WHAT SHE SAID with an arrow pointing towards Octavia. And her personal favorite was obviously Clarke’s: DIBS ON LEXA HAYES.

With about five minutes left in the game, The Grounders were ahead by one goal. Lexa managed to steal the ball from an approaching forward and took off towards the goal. With only one defender to beat, Lexa sent a pass into the wall, perfectly bouncing the ball back to her feet after dodging the defender. She glanced up at the goalkeeper and let the ball fly off her laces.

That feeling of the ball soaring into the back of the net would never get old. Lexa found herself longing to see if Clarke was impressed. When she found her soulmate in the stands, she smiled and shook her head. Clarke and her friends were bouncing up and down and screaming like maniacs. Each had clearly turned their signs over to reveal huge single block letters spelling out her name. Clarke’s was the only one that read differently. All five signs spelled out ‘L-E-X-A: My True Commander.’

\--

They managed to find a couple of empty tables next to each at The Tower and promptly claimed them for the group.

“So, Commander, that was quite the performance,” Clarke said, wrapping her arms around Lexa’s neck. “Are all indoor soccer games that exciting?”

Lexa placed both her hands on Clarke’s hips and leaned in for a small peck. “I think a lot of that excitement came from you. Thank you for coming to watch me play.”

“I don’t want to miss a game. Ever.”

“Clarke,” Lexa exhaled exasperatingly.

“Deal with it, Hayes. It was exciting, and just the right amount of time, and I get to watch you run around in those little soccer shorts and get all sweaty and badass. It’s quite the turn on,” Clarke said before kissing her again.

“Fucking hell,” Anya drawled. “You two are back to being gross. Keep it in your pants until you get home, Hayes.”

“Aw, leave them alone, Anya,” Gustus cut in, offering two pints of beer. Clarke finally released Lexa and grabbed the drinks, handing one to Lexa. “Hey Lexa, Lexa’s girlfriend,” Gustus greeted with a wink.

“Clarke,” the blonde said, holding out her hand to Gustus with a smile. “Lexa’s smoking hot girlfriend and recent convert to rabid soccer fan. I don’t think we were ever formally introduced.”

“Gustus, Lexa’s dashingly handsome friend and resident badass goalkeeper for The Grounders,” Gus beamed taking Clarke’s hand and pulling her in for one of his signature bear hugs. She chuckled when he finally released her and set her gently on the ground. “So,” Gustus started, gesturing towards Clarke’s face. “What’s with the warpaint?”

“Oh, it’s-”

Clarke was interrupted by the arrival of all of her friends, and she instinctively grabbed Lexa by the waist and pulled her close.

Lexa was instantly overwhelmed by this group of strangers. While she recognized and could name all of them from the source world, this version of them, in this reality were all unknown to her, save Octavia, of course. And for the most part, they were all very loud and very enthusiastic about getting to know her. Clarke, bless her soul, stood by her side as she answered question after question and endured tease after tease. Clarke’s friends were so dominating that Lexa had not noticed all of the new arrivals to their little staked out section of the bar. Gustus made his way back over to her carrying a large tray with 30 or so disgustingly pink shots balanced precariously on it.

Holding the tray on his massive left hand, he grabbed a shot and handed it to Lexa. “Here you are, kid.”

“Gus, you know I’m not a kid. I actually am-”

“Thirty, we know,” he said with a smile as he passed out the remainder of the drinks to the group. Lexa finally looked all around her. She was surrounded by her teammates, Clarke’s friends from the game and some she hadn’t seen before, and Indra. Indra had arrived at some point without Lexa noticing. She turned to Clarke, her head cocked slightly to the side. She raised an eyebrow at her soulmate.

“Since I didn’t get you a birthday present, I figured throwing you an impromptu party was the least I could do,” Clarke said with a shrug. She leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, “Happy Birthday, Lexa.”

“Happy Birthday!” The crowd echoed, raising their glasses into the air before downing them.

\--

Lexa found herself waiting at the bar for a drink when she felt a large warm hand rest on her shoulder. Expecting to see Gustus when she turned to face the intrusion, Lexa startled to see Lincoln standing next to her.

“Hey, didn’t mean to scare you,” he said as he leaned his elbows on the bar.

“You didn’t. I was just expecting someone else,” Lexa replied coolly. She turned her head away from him, uncomfortable with the way he was staring at her. It was a true testament to the man’s ability to glare threatening as he easily did so even while wearing that ridiculous warpaint around his eyes. Or maybe the paint just added to the whole ‘I could kill you a dozen different ways with my little finger’ vibe he was exuding. Whatever the case, Lexa could feel his gaze linger as it practically burned a hole into her skull. It was making her exceedingly restless, and when she just couldn’t take it any longer, Lexa spun her head back towards him.

“If you have something to say, you can just say it.” Lexa gave him a tight smile, trying to rectify the fact that the words came out a fair bit harsher than she intended.

Lincoln, unfazed, nodded just a little gesture of agreement. “Look, Lexa. Octavia made a promise to her best friend to not say anything to you about how you left Clarke broken-hearted in a hospital after getting shot by your boss, but you can bet your ass she’s dying to say something to you. I love Octavia, and I would do just about anything for that woman. So luckily for me, I made no such promise to Clarke.”

Lexa sighed and nodded. She expected to get some backlash from that stupid decision. She deserved it.

“You seem like a good person. Your teammates respect you, and Clarke loves you. That’s pretty clear. But if you do anything like that again, if you break her heart for no reason, you’re going to have to deal with a lot more than just me. Do you understand?”

Lexa understood alright.

“I do. Lincoln, I love Clarke with all my heart. She’s it for me,” Lexa stated. She tucked her hand nervously down into her warm-up pants pocket. “Please know that I don’t intend to walk away from that goddess of a woman ever again.”

Lexa involuntarily turned her head away from Lincoln. Her eyes scanned the bar and landed on the one thing they were searching for. Lexa felt her heart beat increase, her chest warm, and her eyes soften at the sight of Clarke laughing. Her gaze pulled the blonde’s attention, and they locked eyes. Clarke gave her that winning smile, and Lexa felt her mouth curl in a smirk. She sighed and quickly turned back to face Lincoln, all too aware that he was still staring at her. She cleared her throat before she addressed him.

“Lincoln, Clarke deserves the world, and I’ll stop at nothing to give that to her. You and Octavia, hell everyone in this god damn bar, have my word on that.”

“Good,” Lincoln said flatly. His eyes narrowed for a fraction of a second, drinking in the sincerity on Lexa’s face. He suddenly stood up straight and grinned. “Now that we have that out of the way, Happy Birthday!” Lincoln beamed, patting Lexa’s back so forcefully that she spilled half the beer that she clutched in her hand. “Oh, sorry about that. Let me get you another.”

\--

A few rounds later, Lexa found herself sitting at a table with Clarke, Indra, and Clarke’s friends from the game. They were heavily engrossed in a heated debate over which season of Buffy was the best. Lexa was equally surprised and impressed that she and Indra were successfully defending their opinion on Season 3.

“Hey, you!” Anya said slamming her hand down on the table in front of Lincoln.

“Anya, we were kind of in the middle of something here,” Lexa huffed.

“Season 2, hands down,” Anya said nonchalantly before turning her attention back to Lincoln. “Beloved cousin, what the hell are you doing here?”

Without missing a beat, Lincoln pointed at Octavia. “Wife,” he said and then pointed at Clarke. “Wife’s best friend.” He pointed at Lexa next. “Wife’s best friend’s girlfriend,” he finished with a shrug.

“Lincoln is your cousin?” Lexa marveled. “How did I not know this?”

“How would you? You and blondie here just got back together. It’s not like we’ve all hung out before. Anyway, Hayes, what’s with this ‘commander’ shit?” Anya asked.

“What’re you talking about?” Lexa asked feigning ignorance.

“Clarke keeps calling you ‘commander.’ Is that a weird sex thing between you two?” she asked staring at Clarke. Lexa heard Raven and Octavia try and stifle their laughter as she glanced over at Indra who pressed her lips tightly together also willing herself not to laugh. Lexa did her best to not show a response on her face, but her blush was harder to hide.

“You know what, I don’t actually want to know. You do you, Hayes. You do you,” Anya said shaking her head.

Anya turned her attention to Clarke’s friends. “And you,” she said pointing a dangerous finger in their general direction. “Are y’all planning on removing that fucking ridiculous warpaint anytime soon?”

“No!” They all, including Clarke, shouted at once.

Lexa sighed and rolled her eyes though unable to contain the small smirk on the corner of her mouth. The night had turned into the best impromptu birthday party she had ever had, and she had Clarke to thank for it.


	18. Epilogue: Take On Me

The loud shrill of the alarm clock tore Lexa from her vivid dream. She reached her hand from the warmth of her comforter and slammed the alarm quiet.

“Ugh,” she heard the lump hidden under blankets next to her grumble. “Why do you insist on using that damn old school alarm clock? Why can’t you just be normal and use your phone like everyone else?”

Lexa smirked and pulled the blanket down just enough to see the face of her soulmate. “Because I’ve always used an old clock like this. It’s traditional.”

“And annoying as fuck.”

“Perhaps, but I like what-”

“You like, I know,” Clarke huffed.

“Someone is grumpy this morning,” Lexa leaned forward and placed a kiss to the blonde’s cheek. Clarke glared back at her with a look Lexa assumed was supposed to be threatening, but in reality, Lexa found utterly adorable. She chuckled, “Keep that up, and I won’t make you breakfast.”

Lexa was rewarded for her threat with a pillow to the face. She laughed as she stood from the bed. “You know, you could sleep in. You don’t have to come to every game today. I mean, no one else on the team has a person who comes to every single game.”

“I love watching you play! I’m not missing one now,” Clarke said, suddenly full of energy.

“And I love that you love it, I just want you to know that you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I know it can be boring-”

“Lexa Hayes, are you trying to make me miss a game? Are you embarrassed by me?” Clarke interrupted and dramatically placed her hand on her chest in mock hurt.

“Clarke! I never said-”

Clarke waved her hand in the air, dismissing whatever apology Lexa was about to utter. “Hey, at least I stopped wearing the warpaint.”

Lexa smirked at that. “Yeah, a good thing too. That stuff was a nightmare to wash off.”

“How would you know?” Clarke asked honestly. “You never helped me wash it off my face.”

“I wasn’t talking about washing it off of your face,” Lexa shrugged.

Clarke’s face blushed instantly. She knew exactly what Lexa was referring to. Lexa felt a smug smile creep across her face. She internally fist pumped, far too pleased with herself for being able to fluster her girlfriend for a change.

**Hayes - 1**

**Griffin - 578**

Lexa barely had time to wipe the grin off of her face as another pillow flew towards her. Though she could have easily caught it, Lexa allowed Clarke the small victory.

“Whatever,” Clarke smiled, effectively returning her lovely skin to its natural color. “I’ve been to every game so far, and I’m not missing this one.”

“Clarke, it’s a tournament. There will be several games today. You really don’t have to watch all of them.”

“And miss out on seeing my commander dominate the field? I don’t think so,” the blonde stated. She rolled herself out of bed and padded to the bathroom. Lexa smiled as she watched her girlfriend leave the room.

She stretched her arms up, finally releasing the remaining tension gathered in her muscles from sleep. Lexa bent over the bed and began to tuck in the messy sheets and lay the pillows back in their proper place.

“Lexa!” Clarke emerged from the bathroom, toothbrush hanging from her mouth, wearing jeans and a tight undershirt. “Have you seen my-”

Clarke’s question was cut off as the hoodie Lexa tossed her way draped over her face. Clarke pulled it off her head and bounced over to the brunette. “Thanks, Lex!” she said, pressing a quick mint-flavored kiss to the corner of Lexa’s mouth.

Lexa lived for these simple moments. These fleeting, unimportant, simple, moments.

She had been nervous to ask Clarke to move in with her, thinking it too fast, but the blonde was beyond ecstatic at the offer all those months ago. They had been living together for six months, and it was the best six months of Lexa’s life. Clarke’s ultimatum had been completely worth it.

\--

_“Lexa!” Clarke exclaimed, squeezing Lexa’s hand lovingly. “I would love to move in here. Of course, yes!”_

_Lexa let out a sigh of relief but stiffened immediately as she saw the question form on the blonde’s face._

_“There is one condition though,” Clarke spoke carefully. “I want to see all of the source universe. And I mean everything, even the end.”_

_Lexa immediately shook her head. “Clarke, no. We’ve talked about this. You don’t need to experience all of it. There are parts of that history that will be uncomfortable for you. Devastating even. And we aren’t even together for a lot of it. You’re with other people. I betray you,” Lexa hesitated. “And you don’t need to see me die. Trust me, I’ve seen you get shot, twice. You don’t need that.”_

_“Lexa, listen to me. I want to know. You carry this burden on your own every day. You still wake up sweating and trembling from dreams of that universe. I want to be able to help you, but I can’t without knowing everything. We are in this together. You don’t need to carry this burden alone.”_

_“Clarke-”_

_“That’s the deal, Hayes. Take me to the source world, and we can live our lives happily together in this beautiful home. Allow me to know all you know. You’ve taken me to dozens of universes without hesitation. Take me to the most important one.”_

_“Clarke, you know it’s not the same thing. Those other universes are mostly happy, mostly safe. This universe is full of danger. So many people die. You could die if you don’t follow the timeline precisely. Clarke,” Lexa stressed. “This universe doesn’t have a happy ending for us.”_

_“I know, but it influences us. It made us. Lexa…” Clarke shook her head slightly. “Please. Please do this for me.”_

_“You’re sure this is what you want? You want to live through it all? All the pain, all the grief, all the impossible decisions?”_

_“Yes.”_

_Lexa closed her eyes in resignation, “When do you want to hop to?”_

_“When the dropship lands.”_

_“Clarke,” Lexa inhaled. “That’s five months before my death in that universe. That’s a long time.”_

_“I know. But then I’ll wake up here, with you in my arms, and I’ll finally understand.”_

_“Swear to me that you will follow the timeline exactly. No wavering. At all. You surrender yourself completely to that Clarke. No side tangents,” Lexa demanded, her eyes intense and serious._

_“I swear, Lexa. I want to experience it just how it is.”_

_“Okay,” Lexa held out her hands and waited for Clarke to take hold. When she felt Clarke’s warm palms on her own, Lexa pulled her close. “I love you, Clarke. I’ll see you in thirty-nine days.”_

_“I love you too, Commander,” Clarke whispered. “Until we meet again.”_

_Lexa closed the distance between their lips, and with a tender kiss, hopped them both into the source world._

_One hundred and fifty-seven days later, but really only an instant, Lexa opened her eyes and pulled away from the kiss. She sat frozen on her couch._

_That was the first time she had actually lived all the way through to the end, through her death. She’d only ever experienced her death in her dreams. She didn’t have time to process it though as Clarke was urgently lifting her shirt, running her hands over Lexa’s unharmed abdomen. Clarke looked up into her eyes with tears streaking down her face._

_“It’s alright, Clarke,” Lexa consoled, pressing the blonde’s head to her shoulder. She wrapped her arms around her and gently rubbed small circles on her back. “I’m here. I’m alive.”_

_“Lexa,” she cried, grasping handfuls of her shirt, clinging on for dear life. “I know I’m a mess right now, but thank you for showing me. I needed to see it.”_

_“It’s okay. Take all the time you need. I’m here, Clarke.”_

\--

Clarke moved in one week later.

\--

“That’s my girlfriend!”

Lexa turned towards the stands to see her adorable girlfriend clapping and cheering wildly for the goal she just scored. The goal that put her 3v3 team ahead with seconds to spare in the finals. When the ref blew the final whistle, Clarke bounded down the bleachers and wrapped Lexa in a tight hug.

“That was so badass, Lexa!” she said pulling away just far enough to drop a scorching kiss to Lexa’s lips. “Congrats, champ!”

“Ugh, seriously, Hayes. Why do you insist on bringing your girlfriend to every damn game?”

“She wants to come,” Lexa defended.

Clarke smirked and turned to Anya with a wanton grin on her face. “I’ll say.”

“Gross. Just… no, gross,” Anya shook her head with a grimace rivaling grumpy cat plastered on her face.

“You’re quite the hypocrite, you know,” Lexa teased. “All those years trying to get me laid, and now that I have a girlfriend, you don’t want me to get laid.”

“I’m here for you, Hayes. Your sex life is of the utmost importance to me, but it doesn’t mean I want to see it play out in front of my eyes,” Anya countered. When she saw no sign that Clarke and Lexa were going to separate themselves, she huffed in defeat, “You two coming to The Tower later to celebrate our victory?”

“We’ll be there,” Clarke said with a winning grin and a cheeky wink.

\--

Running a few minutes behind due to their naive assumption that a joint shower would indeed save time (with their frequent joint showers, one would expect them to know better by now), Lexa and Clarke quickly threw on their clothes.

“You’re driving, right?” Clarke asked, pulling a leather jacket over her arms.

“Yes, Clarke, I’ll drive. But we’re taking Vesta,” Lexa called from the bathroom, applying her last minute eyeliner.

“No complaints here. I love the feeling of her between my legs, my arms wrapped tightly around you.”

“Clarke! Why do you sexualize my bike like that?” Lexa called exasperatingly. She bought herself that Harley a few months back, a gift to herself for finally finding a job that made her happy. Lexa doted on that bike as if it had feelings of its own, and she’d be damned if Clarke disrespected her.

“Because it gets a rise out of you.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, but still offered a genuine smile to her soulmate. “You ready to go?”

Clarke quickly inspected her purse, seemingly satisfied with its contents, she smiled, “Yep, let’s go celebrate my incredibly hot, talented, champion.”

“Right, okay,” Lexa said as she locked their front door. She tapped her jean’s pocket and made her way to the garage. When she rounded the corner of her home, she stopped in her tracks. She wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to the image of Clarke straddling the backseat of her Harley, waiting for Lexa to swing her own body over the vehicle. Lexa felt her mouth go dry as she approached her soulmate.

\--

The Tower was packed with people, which wasn’t all that surprising considering it was a Saturday night, but Anya had managed to block off a section in the back near the pool table for the soccer team. As Lexa said her hellos to her teammates, she glanced over at Clarke who was chewing the inside of her cheek nervously.

“Hey, are you okay?” Lexa asked quietly, turning around and gently caressing Clarke’s shoulders.

“What? I’m fine,” Clarke said with a quick smile. Lexa raised her eyebrow in question and opened her mouth to inquire further when Clarke spoke again. “I’m good, really,” she said. Clarke leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on Lexa’s lips that tasted like a promise of something more. “Did I tell you how hot you look tonight? Because if I didn’t, shame on me. I love it when you look all badass biker chic,” Clarke complimented in a deep husky tone.

Lexa licked her lips and parted them involuntarily. She knew that tone. As she glanced down at Clarke’s lips, Lexa missed the subtle wink thrown over her shoulder at the person approaching. She leaned in, eager to taste those lips again when she was suddenly pulled back by a firm hand on her elbow.

“What the hell? Anya!”

“Let’s get a drink,” her captain stated as she began to pull her towards the bar. Lexa shrugged out of her hold and shot an apologetic glance at Clarke before following Anya to the bar.

After their orders were taken, Lexa turned her head to face Anya. “What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing, why?” Anya challenged. She glanced over her shoulder, obviously looking for something in particular, but quickly returned her focus to Lexa.

“You pulled me away rather violently. And you keep looking over your shoulder. Do you have an ex-lover in here you’re trying to hide from?”

“Nonsense, Hayes,” Anya smiled. “I don’t hide from my conquests,” Anya added ignoring Lexa’s disapproving glare. She paused for a moment before her expression softened. The drastic change was definitely odd behavior and somewhat unsettling. “Great tournament today, by the way.”

Lexa quickly swung her whole seat around and faced her friend, “Okay, you just offered me a genuine compliment. What’s going on?”

“Nothing, okay? Can’t a captain praise her teammate every once in a while?”

Lexa glared at her captain but was soon distracted by the bartender placing their drinks in front of them. “Cheers, to winning another tournament,” Lexa grinned as she raised her glass to Anya’s.

“To your upcoming 31st birthday!” Anya replied.

“Ugh, I know,” Lexa said after taking a sip of her beer. “It’s only 3 days away, and Clarke won’t stop talking about it. She wants to make up for last year apparently, but I keep telling her that last year was the best birthday I’ve ever had. She just won’t listen. It’s extremely aggravating.”

“You two make me sick,” Anya said shaking her head.

“What?”

“Seriously, Hayes? You’re complaining that your smoking hot girlfriend, who I still think is way out of your league by the way, of a year wants to make your 31st birthday extra special because the epic party she threw you last year with two days notice wasn’t good enough? You’re just a fool in love.” Anya shook her head and mumbled mostly to herself, “Y’all are gross.”

Lexa smiled into her pint of beer. She knew Anya was right. They were an adorable couple. Sure, they had their fights, their trust issues to overcome, but through it all, Clarke and Lexa had stayed true to themselves and true to their promises made a year ago. They made decisions together. They worked through things together. Lexa knew exactly what she wanted her future to look like with Clarke, but she wasn’t sure if Clarke was ready for that. They really hadn’t talked about their long-term future. It was always just a given that they would be together. Lexa didn’t even know Clarke’s thoughts on the institution as a whole.

Lexa desperately needed to talk to someone, to get a little help working out some of the details in her head. Anya, as brash and surly as she was, was her best friend. Lexa knew she would be willing to listen; she just had to suck it up and start the conversation.

Lexa was so lost in her thoughts of her relationship with Clarke that she hadn’t noticed the steady stream of people arrive. Countless mutual friends and family members had slowly made their way to their little corner of the bar.

Lexa looked up from her drink, suddenly filled with confidence and addressed her captain. If Lexa wasn’t so focused on what she wanted to talk about, she would have also noticed the knowing little smirk plastered on the corner of Anya’s mouth.

“Listen, Anya, there’s something I need to talk to you about-”

Clarke cleared her throat and tapped on her half-full glass (Did Lexa really just refer to a glass as half-full instead of half-empty? Damn, she really was just a fool in love…) and demanded the attention of the tucked away corner of the bar. Lexa turned her head to face her soulmate and raised an eyebrow at the scene. Clarke was standing in the middle of a large group of people who were all conveniently spread out, giving the illusion that she was front and center on a stage.

“Excuse me, excuse me, everyone! If I could just get your attention here for a moment,” Clarke’s voice boomed over the cacophony of the bar. “I’m looking for my girlfriend. Lexa Hayes? Where are you, my love?” Lexa felt her cheeks flush a bright crimson as all eyes turned to her. “There you are! Come over here, Lex.”

_Fuck_.

What was Clarke doing? Was this another surprise birthday party? The timing made sense…

Regardless of why Clarke was doing this, Lexa hated to be the center of attention, and everyone knew that. She tried to hide her head behind the pint glass in her hands, but Anya, the traitor, grabbed her beer and practically shoved her off the barstool. Lexa stumbled for a moment, taking the opportunity to throw a quick but most deserving death glare at her captain. Threat issued, Lexa turned and obeyed the blonde’s request. She slowly walked towards her soulmate, the look in her blue eyes the only thing keeping her moving forward.

As she gently pushed her way through the crowd, Lexa was slightly taken aback by the people she hadn’t seen arrive. Lincoln, with his hand protectively wrapped around Octavia’s growing belly, smiled as she walked past. Indra caught her eye and smiled at her before giving her a knowing little wink. Even Abby couldn’t hide the smirk on her face as Lexa approached her girlfriend. When she finally reached her destination, Lexa looked into the eyes of her soulmate and was surprised to see a quiet little twinkle sparkling there.

“Lexa Hayes, we have been dating for almost a year now. We’ve had some pretty high highs and some pretty low lows. But through it all, we’ve come out together. Stronger together. Growing up, I never really believed in soulmates. I was convinced it was just a naive fairytale told to children to romanticize the ideal of monogamy. But that all changed the moment I saw you, in this bar no less, for the first time. You were staring at me, though I know you deny it-”

“She was definitely staring! I was there!” Anya shouted from the bar. _That fucking traitor_. Lexa pursed her lips and fought the urge to roll her eyes. She heard the bar chuckle at her expense. She sighed deeply and gazed back at Clarke, instantly calmed by the look on her face.

“Anyway,” Clarke chuckled before regaining her composure. “I felt you that night. I couldn’t figure out why, but I knew in that moment that we were going to meet again. So when I saw you at work the very next week, I just knew. I knew you were important to me. This universe was throwing us together. You were so cute, and awkward, and dare I say, clumsy, but I was still drawn to you,” Clarke smiled as she reached for Lexa’s hand.

“With your ever impassive face and kind eyes, you were a mystery that needed to be solved, and everyone here knows how stubborn I can be when presented with a challenge,” Clarke paused for a moment to let the crowd quiet their affirmations. “And solve it I did. You are impressively tough on the outside, but under that rough exterior, you are the kindest, gentlest, most caring person I have ever met. You would do anything for those you love, and I count myself the luckiest person in this universe to call myself loved by you. I have no doubt you’d take a bullet for me,” Clarke said earnestly.

She looked deep into Lexa’s eyes for a moment, and Lexa could feel the gravity of her words. Lexa swallowed thickly, trying to push down the tears that were forming behind her eyes. Before the crowd could catch on to the intensity, Clarke shook her head slightly and grinned.

“Which is a good thing considering I actually have taken a bullet for you, which is something that is incredibly serious and not at all a joking matter, kids, it’s not as romantic as it sounds and I don’t recommend doing that ever, but I’m glad we can laugh about it now,” Clarke rambled in one breath. Lexa shook her head and chuckled quietly. Only Clarke could make light of the fact that she had been shot a year ago. Only Clarke.

Clarke smirked and gave Lexa a small wink. “And here we are, a year later, strong as ever, in the same bar we had our first date in.”

“I was there for that too!” Anya shouted again. Lexa whipped her head towards the bar, shooting daggers with her glare. Satisfied when Anya cowered a fraction, Lexa turned back to face her soulmate in the eye. Except she wasn’t standing in front of her anymore. Lexa startled and looked down to see Clarke kneeling before her, a ring in her hand.

Oh, no. _Fuck_. No. Not now.

“Alexandria Denise Hayes, you make me-”

Lexa dropped to her knees in front of Clarke, bringing them face to face again. She should have seen this coming. What was she thinking? Of course this was a proposal! Why else would all these people be here? Why else would Clarke give that crazy long speech? Lexa had been so blind in thinking this was another birthday party organized by Clarke. She just didn’t want to believe it. Clarke couldn’t propose to her. Not now.

“Lexa, what are you doing? I need you to stand for this!” Clarke whispered urgently, her eyes wide with surprise.

“No way. I’m not letting you do this,” Lexa said quickly shaking her head.

“What are you… Lexa, I’m trying to propose here!” Clarke blurted through a clenched jaw. Lexa could see the worry and panic begin to form on the blonde’s face.

“Clarke, I’m not going to let you do this,” Lexa said defiantly. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the item she had carried for nearly twelve months. As she held it out in front of her, she heard a collective gasp from the crowd surrounding them.

Damn fucking right Lexa had a ring.

Lexa smirked at the dumbfounded Clarke in front of her.

“Clarke,” Lexa said, letting her voice carry strong and full of confidence through the bar. “I bought this ring a year ago. The day after my 30th birthday, to be exact. I have carried it with me every day, waiting for the right moment to do this. But it would seem that you have forced my hand,” Lexa said with a smirk.

She took a deep breath and gazed longingly at Clarke as she continued to speak. “I know we’ve only been together for a year, but sometimes it feels like we’ve lived several lifetimes together. You could be an [artist](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6313969/chapters/14465149), a [doctor](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8213623/chapters/18823804), an [actress](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5045992/chapters/11602759), a [lawyer](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11283504/chapters/25238628), or even a commander of death, and I’d still love you. Your intelligence knows no match, and your beauty knows no bounds. You are my partner, my soulmate, my equal. But I’ll be damned if you propose to me first. So Clarke Abigail Griffin, love of my life, of all my lives, will you-”

“Marry me?” They both said in unison. The couple grinned stupidly at each other. Damn, they really were adorably gross. Lexa giggled, she actually fucking giggled, as Clarke leaned into her, crashing their lips together in a heated kiss.

The crowd went nuts, save for the ever-prominent voice of her captain. “Ugh! Get a room, lovebirds!” Anya shouted from the bar before giving a loud wolf whistle.

Lexa pulled away and slowly stood, bringing her fiancé with her. She was eager to finally place the ring she had carried for a year on the finger of her soulmate. She did so clumsily as Clarke did this same for her. They smiled at each other before pulling in for another kiss.

“You’re such a dork,” Clarke mumbled against Lexa’s mouth. “You had that ring in your pocket for a year?”

Lexa pulled away and pressed her forehead to Clarke’s. She lowered her voice. These words were for Clarke; no one else needed to hear them. “Clarke, I dreamt about you for thirteen years, and I knew I wanted to marry you the moment I realized you were real. I bought the ring the day after you graciously allowed me back into your life, knowing that this was it for me. I knew I wanted to commit myself to you in every way possible, but I wasn’t sure you wanted that. So I waited,” Lexa brushed her nose against Clarke’s, just craving another point of contact with her love. “I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am right now. I love you, Clarke, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of this life with you.”

Lexa tilted her chin up, ready for another kiss but was interrupted by the crowd of well-wishers. All of her friends, her teammates, her family, suddenly rushed in to offer their congratulations.

Lexa locked eyes with the one woman who knew everything. The one woman who knew all the struggles she went through to get to this moment. Indra pulled Lexa close and wrapped her in a fierce hug. Lexa emphatically returned the embrace. She fought back the tears as she heard her auctor’s strong voice, “I’m so proud of you, Lexa.”

Lexa pulled back and stared into her eyes. Anyone around them would assume those were just words of congratulations, but Lexa knew they meant so much more. She only gave Indra her little half smile and nodded once, but her eyes spoke all she didn’t say. Indra smiled knowingly back and stepped away allowing others the chance to say congratulations.

As the crowd around Clarke and Lexa grew, it threatened to pull them apart. Lexa grasped Clarke’s hand in her own and with a gentle squeeze and subtle glance, vowed to never let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I can't believe that this whole story is finished and posted! What started as a way to thank and honor some of the wonderful works I've read here turned into this crazy multichapter story that basically took over my imagination for the better part of five months. It's bittersweet to give you this last chapter, but I hope you at least found a little enjoyment out of reading. Thanks to all who left comments and kudos, they really do make my day! And without further ado...
> 
> AUs referenced in Chapter 18  
> The Blind Side of Love by lexawillrise (This is a conversion originally written by Ingrid Díaz, and I also highly recommend checking out the original at ingriddiaz.com)  
> Quality Ingredients by HurricaneJane  
> possibility days by adreamaloud, daneorange (adreamaloud)  
> This Is Heaven in Hiding by orangeyouglad8


End file.
